Lent 2

Holy God, be in my mind
that I might let go of all
that diminishes the
movement of Your Spirit
within me.

Discerning God, be in my
eyes, that I might see You
in the midst of all the
busyness that fills my life.

Loving God, be in my
heart, that I can be open
to those I love, to those
with whom I share
ministry and to the whole
human family.

Gracious God, be in that
grace-filled silence that lies
deep within me, that I
might live in Christ
as Christ live in me.
Amen
CREDO

What is your journey?

"True Pilgrimage changes lives, whether we go halfway around the world or out to our own backyards. Whether you are embarking on a grueling walking pilgrimage a thousand miles across Europe to a famous shrine, setting off on the long delayed journey to your ancestral roots, or taking that first step on the long spiritual journey into a creative project, your journey is about to change you." Martin Palmer

Imagaine the last time you truly listened.

Yesterday I had the chance to visit with one of my dearest friends. I am not sure there is anything more important in our lives than people who truly know us, people who have seen us as we grow and change. These same people could tell you of your flaws, those places that we each know about ourselves, but only a select few, know us well enough to have seem them too.

As we travel the path of life we look around and see signposts. We see places that remind us that we have traveled this road. Those very places also remind us where we have been. It is at times like yesterday, when I look in the eyes of this loved one that I am reminded how deeply God loves me and how very patient and kind God is. It is also at these times that I am reminded that it is only through the lives of others that we are allowed to grow and change.

During this visit the ocean was one of the places that I needed to spend time. The weather has been challenging and devastating to many in recent months. The ocean is a place that when I spend time there, each season or event, I am reminded yet again, of the power and grace in nature. The waves were huge, the spray was high. I was able to close my eyes, I could listen, I could hear the pull and push of the vast amounts of water as it moved in and out.

How often do we allow ourselves to experience something with our different senses? After not being near the ocean for awhile, I had forgotten the wonderful smell of ocean air. The brisk wind, and spray that surrounded us. It was a feast for the eyes, the ears, and the nose. The salt air was palpable.

Who are the people in your life that know you? Where are the eyes that look back at you with love and tenderness? Where do you look with that in return? For some these are very hard questions. But let yourself really spend time, let yourself be with the love and care of God.
Where are places in your life that you visit and remind you of where you've been, remind you of places in your heart and soul that bring you comfort, solace or peace?

Today I am blessed to have spent time yesterday with someone who knows me, really "sees" me. Today I am grateful that God allows me to know that.

Today I give thanks for the signposts in my life. For those that are comfortable, and those that aren't. Today I give thanks to the people that have traveled this path with me, for those that have carried me when I needed, and those that have allowed me to carry them. Today I give thanks.

Travel memories

" Our lives are woven from a melody of calls that draw us out and help us to define ourselves."
David Spangler

What is it like to not know what direction to take? We each wander in this world, we wander and wonder. Are there times in your life when you are simply unsure what direction to take?

Have you ever been in a car with friends and everyone knew it was time to eat, everyone was hungry and wanted to stop. The driver asks where everyone wants to eat, where should they stop. A chorus of "I don't care", rises up from the car. Each time all are asked the same response is heard. Each time all are asked the conviction that they don't care gets louder, but the response is the same. The hunger has increased, the need has increased, but the clarity of where and what has not come. All at once the driver in sheer frustration and hunger pulls into the nearest restaurant. The decision has been made. Is it the best decision? Who is to say. What we do know is that the decision has been made. The decision has been made this time.

Are you the person that is sitting in a seat saying, I don't care, while being hungry and getting more and more frustrated. We have all been in this spot. When we think of words like Pilgrimage, journey, lent, discipline, each require the "right" action. Each require a very important decision. I would like to offer up the idea that each require a decision. But perhaps the most important action after that decision is saying, "yes". Is there a "right" answer to which restaurant? Will this be the last place that you will eat? Will there be things about this place that you really enjoy? There will be things about this place that you do not like,that don't meet your needs or expectations. But will the experience be different if we enter into it with an open mind, with the belief that we are grateful for the opportunity to be with friends, that we have the money to buy food, that we can be fed. Whether it is a commercial opperation with Golden Arches or a local eatery, does it remind us of a story, a place we may have visited before. I guess in reflection the point is that sometimes we don't make decisions, sometimes they are made for us, sometimes our work is to pay attention to the places we find ourselves. Sometimes the perfect place is right where we are.

What is it like to be the driver? Your insides are screaming for a decision to be made. You really want everyone to be happy, you feel responsible for the well- being and prehaps even the happiness of those around you. Making a decision can feel like a huge responsibility. What will happen if we make the "wrong" one? Where is the perfect restaurant that everyone will like? There are times when waiting and seeing is just the right thing. But there are times when we feel really called to make a choice, to lean in one direction or another. This is a strong and important part of who we are. Knowing who you are and what is important is central to being the instruments that God needs us to be. Caring about the well being and happiness of those around us is compassion and allows us to feel part of the larger family.

God calls us to be in different roles at different times. As we continue on this journey how can we discern where God is calling us today? Are you feeling hungry, lost and confused? If you are, know that your are not alone, you are one of many that sit, look, and wonder. Where should I go, what should I do, what do I want? Spend time with God today, allow yourself to be quiet and curious. Allow your brain and heart the permission to just take an action. Pay attention and be mindful of where you are.

If God is calling you to be in the drivers seat, where are you longing to go? What do you feel the pull of? What is holding you back from moving forward, of making a decision? Are you worried some won't like your decision, are you worried it won't be right for some? Spend time with God today. Allow those questions to surface, allow them to surface without judgment.

As we continue our travels, let us always be mindful of the grace and peace that comes from the all loving, all powerful God. Let us give thanks for this day, for the chance to slow down and be with God, with ourselves, and those in the world around us. Let us pay attention today to God's grace in our lives.

God speed in your travels today.

Sleep well

"Dear Lord, show me your gentleness and your kindness,
you who are weak and humble of heart.
So often I say to myself, "The Lord loves me,"
but very often this truth does not enter
into the center of my heart.
Let these weeks become an opportunity for me
to let go of all my resistances to your love
and an occasion for me to call me closer to you. Amen" Henri Nowen


As today comes to a close I am weary and yet quiet. Tonight at a group gathered we talked about being attentive. I am grateful to hear the stories of others , to hear how God speaks to each of us.

Gracious God, Thank you for the gift of this day. Thank you for the blessing of health and healing. Thank you for those I love and those that return that love. Thank you for food, clothing and shelter.

Gracious God, Take care of all those that need your healing power in body, mind and spirit. Please be with children around the world that are hungry, cold and alone. Please help those that feel hopeless, to feel hope. Please help those who feel rage, feel peace and forgiveness.

Gracious God, Help me to continue to grow into the instrument you need me to be. Amen.

I am exhausted in body, mind and spirit. Sleep well all.

Clutter

"Three Rules of Work: Out of clutter find simplicity; from discord find harmony; in the middle of difficulty lies opportunity."

Albert Einstein

Clutter may truly be the polite way to describe the state of my home. In the context of keeping this lent a journey, I think I will look at the beginning of this week as one of pushing through the heavy brush. It is sometimes hard to believe that even land that has only been left untended for a short time can become unruly. Brush can become thick and overgrown. When this happens so often beautiful places become unable to get to, or perhaps we give up before we even begin?

Yesterday was the first day that I did not post since I began this Lenten discipline of writing. So many things run through my head. Do I pretend that it is yesterday? Do I say I wrote it last night and just post this morning? Do I ignore yesterday and just right for today? As I write these questions I find how important it is to acknowledge that it is this morning that I can really reflect on my learning of yesterday. Is the discipline about doing it perfectly, or is it about spending time with God and reflecting on my faith journey? For years I would tell you that it was not about doing it perfectly and yet still expect myself to do something perfectly. Of course, the outcome of this belief was that I allowed myself to do very little, because I didn't want to show my humanity. Humanity, not shame, not sin, not "badness", humanity.

God's grace is that I sit here today so grateful for the knowledge of our humanity, of my humanity. Some say that your living space can reflect how you are living your life, or at least it can say a lot about you. The clutter has been building around us, the piles of "stuff" continues to grow. Some of the piles are treasured items, books, yarn, magazines, clothes, books, books, yarn. Some was an outcome of chores not finished, trash, laundry, those everyday tasks that have no higher calling or deeper purpose than to live in the world in a healthier way. I am guilty of thinking that when the laundry or trash is done, that it is in fact, done. Years, yes, years or repeating this behavior, I am finally coming to terms with the reality that these tasks must be done, over and over.

For this moment many of these tasks are in progress. What has been really important for me to pay attention to is how I trap myself. It is hard to feel like one can see outside the box, for one to be creative, or even alive if we trap ourselves with so many barriers. The physical barriers reflect the internal blocks that can keep us from being present with God, with the divine, with the very spirit that longs to spend time in our hearts. There is so little room. How is it on this journey we can make room for those elements of our selves that crave the breath of the spirit?

Today I give thanks for the action of cleaning out my closet, my real closet, clothes I have had for more years than I can name. Today, I give thanks for boxes of things that can go to those that need them. They do not need to sit in my home waiting for the day to come when they could be used. Today I give thanks for the growing belief that there is enough, that God will provide for me and for those I love. Today, I celebrate the continued balance between living with the simplicity of what I need and the belief that it is important to live a life of abundance. Today I give thanks as I come to know that that comes to us by letting go, letting go of things, letting go of outcomes, letting go of perfection.

This journey of Lent helps me to stop, listen and pay attention.

" Deep silence leads us to suspect that , in the first place, prayer is acceptance. People who pray stand with their hands open to the world. They know that God will show himself in the nature that surrounds them, in the people they meet, in the situations they run into. They trust that the world holds God's secret within it, and they expect that secret to be show to them. Prayer creates that openness where God can give himself to us. Indeed, God wants to give himself; he wants to surrender himself to the person he has created; God even begs to be admitted into the human heart." Henri J.M. Nouwen

Good Morning God

Each Sunday morning, before I go into my office, I unlock the door to the Sacristy. The preparations for worship sit on the counter. The silver sparkles and the rich purple vestments hang waiting. The door is opened to the sanctuary and I slowly turn on the lights. It is one of the favorite parts of my day. The Church is beautiful and I am very aware of the peace and beauty, the blessing of being able to say, "Good Morning God", in this beautiful place. .

Sundays

This day is coming to an end, the winding down is in full progress. Sundays are a day that begin very early. It seems as though it has been many miles since that alarm clock went off at 4;15am. It has been a very good day.

My mind is weary. It occurs to me that I preached two sermons today and taught a class. I think that my thinker is done. This is a day that I am very grateful for the community of faith that is St. John's. I am grateful that my "thinker" worked really well. It seems time to say Good Night.

Gracious God, Thank you for the cold snow that is a stark white, a clean contrast to the dark hues of leaves and mud.

Thank you for the blessing of the sun as it shines through the branches, and dance off both the ice and the open water.

Gracious God, Thank you for all the blessings in this life.

Please Help me to grow in the light of you today. Help me to live into the instrument that you need me to be.

Gracious God, Let us feel the healing power of your grace in body, mind ad spirit. Amen

Sleep well. All

Breathing

Have you ever woken up in the morning and felt like your mind had been up hours before you? It is the strangest thing. This morning, I knew when I opened my eyes that there was a lot running around in my heart that I wasn't sure what to do with. I learned years ago that very often my body comes to know and understand things before my mind has language for it.

One of the things that I have noticed in the last couple of days, is the difference between being and acting. I am coming to see how often I believe that it is my "Job" to do something. So often the case is that my job is to look around me, breath, and get quiet, listen. It is in those moments that God has a chance to enter into the picture. Sometimes my role is to be in the moment, pay attention to the context, the story of that time and if appropriate name or interpret it.

I was reading today in, The Art of Pilgrimage, a story about Ansel Adams. He was a wonderful photographer, and in my opinion, artist. The story tells of his struggle with trying to decide whether to follow his passion for the piano or photography. He believed that his camera was a combination of machine and spirit. His mother very much wanted him to follow the piano, she felt strongly that the camera could not express the human soul. He is said to have responded to her, "Perhaps the camera cannot, but the photographer can." It seems like such a loss to get mired down in the details of life to the point that we miss the mystery. God calls us to be in the world, to be instruments of love, joy and forgiveness. But how often do we walk right by the very thing that would make us smile, make our heart jump, or bring a tear to our eyes?

One of the many things that I have learned about myself in the last couple of years is truth about my being very protective of those I care about. I am a mother -lion when I feel like someone or something needs my help. There are times when this is a good quality, times when I am able to advocate for those that struggle to stand up for themselves. But today I was reminded that just because I feel like someone or something needs my protection, does not mean that is true. There are so many ways to learn to trust God. So many ways that we learn to let go and be there in ways that are helpful ,but then, and equally important is to then step back and listen. Ansel Adams mother wanted the best for him, she wanted his soul to be fed, she wanted him to feel fed by his work and be able to give it to the world. But she felt like her soul was fed by the music that came from the piano, she heard grace in the notes. I am very grateful today that he followed his own heart, his own calling. Follow this link and enjoy what his soul saw as it used his camera. Thanks be to God he listened to his own longing.

http://www.anseladams.com/content/ansel_info/anseladams_biography2.html

As today comes to a close, I am reminded of God's wisdom in creating us all uniquely in God's image. We are each asked to write the story of our own lives, to listen to the music in our own souls. God calls us out of the boredom and stress of doing what others think we should do or what others think is right. We are called to listen, to be there or others, to love God with our whole heart, our whole mind and our whole soul. When we follow that path, we will be changed, we will know how to take a deep breath, we will know where our longings are leading us.

Walking the Frozen Road

Beauty in our midst.


"Your ancient ruins shall lbe rebuilt,
you shall raise up the foundations of many generations;
You shall be called repairer of the breach;
the restorer of streets to live in." Isaiah 58: 11-12

Walking the Ice covered Path.

" Above all, do not lose your desire to walk: Everyday I walk myself into a state of well-being and walk away from illness. I have walked myself into my best thoughts."

Soren Kierkegard

Technology is always an interesting adventure. I just managed to delete an almost completed post. Apparently it was not what I was supposed to say, but that's not how it felt. But I will say that I am grateful that I even know where to begin . Today I know that the journey is one that calls for perseverance and time.

Today the sun is out and the air is crisp. It is a beautiful New Hampshire day in February. 2 of the last 3 days I have taken my camera and used it to help me slow down, to help me really see the world that is around me. Today I wanted to take a walk. In recent months, I would not have done this for a multitude of reasons. I did not have time, I was going to be uncomfortable, I was not going to go far enough, it would then not be worth it, I should really go "work out". Each time the excuse is couched in not being enough, not being worthwhile, not important.

So today I was walked. Today it was important. This path is in Wolfeboro, NH. I found myself asking the question over and over in my head, What is it like to walk the frozen road? The path is frozen with many different footprints, many sizes, shapes and creatures. The path is not smooth or easy to navigate. I am glad that I have a warm coat, gloves and hat. The right shoes were boots that kept my feet warm and dry. The camera was tucked safely in my pocket, only to be pulled out as I wanted to capture images to something more than my minds eye.

Images speak to us in ways that words don't. It is becoming clear to me that I am drawn to images. They bring me into the moment, they speak to a part of who I am that doesn't always have language. So often I tell myself that I need to know the answer. At times when I prepare to teach or preach, I must think. Perhaps if I think hard enough, read enough, study enough, I will know what to say, I will know....... Yet, today I am wondering if that often gets in our way. If what God calls us to do is to watch, to listen, to stay awake.

As I wandered down the path I saw trees down, rocks hugging the edge of the lake, mud that was peeking up through some of the ice. As I wandered, I watched, I listened to the quiet, I was awake. When I approached the bridge I heard rustling, down to my right were many ducks. They were playing in the water. Playing in the water. Before I knew it I was smiling, I wanted pictures of their joy, I wanted to remember.

We walk this ice covered path, one step at a time. We walk this ice covered path prepared for the journey. We walk this ice covered path awake, aware and alert. But best of all, we are blessed beyond our wildest imaginings to be in this moment, in this time, to know God.

What does your frozen path look like? God knows of those broken and frozen places within each of us. On this day, sit in a warm, safe place. Give thanks for the many footprints in your life.

Good Night Sleep

The wind is blowing outside tonight. Snow is blowing off the lake and all are settling in for a good nights sleep.

I want to write each day during this Lent. Today has been a long and full day. During a meditation today I drew this picture of the cross that was hanging in my view.

It has been said that 90% of life is showing up. Tonight, I sit here with a empty and tired mind. But I am grateful for the desire to continue this discipline. I look forward to being able to share more tomorrow.

Gracious God, Thank you for the many blessings of this day.
Thank you for my longings.

Thank you for the gifts of compassion and curiosity.

Gracious God, Please be with all those that are known to your heart alone. Amen

Sleep well All.

Pilgrimage as a theme for our Lenten Journey

Welcome to this winding road. It is with an open heart that I welcome you to this place. I look forward to exploring some of the many thoughts and interests that I have and wonder about yours. Please join me in the conversation about the longing for God in our midst. Please know that I believe that God comes to us in laughter, tears, anger, and sorrow. God knows infinitely more about us than we can ever know about ourselves. Please join me and let us share our journey together.

Writing is one of the things I love and yet must admit have a very strong love/ hate relationship with. I resist it and yet long for it's place in my life.
Without doubt it is one of the things that allows me to play with ideas and images. Anne Lamott is one of my favorite writers.

"Writing and reading decrease our sense of isolation. They deepen and widen and expand our sense of life: they feed the soul. When writers make us shake our heads with the exactness of their prose and their truths, and even make us laugh about ourselves or life, our buoyancy is restored. We are given a shot at dancing with, or at least clapping along with, the absurdity of life, instead of being squashed by it over and over again. It's like singing on a boat during a terrible storm at sea. You can't stop the raging storm, but singing can change the hearts and spirits of the people who are together on that ship." — Anne Lamott (Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life)

On this Ash Wednesday 2010 I begin this journey of writing a Blog. I have been mulling this idea over in my head for months. This lent I am using the word Pilgrimage as a theme. When I think of Pilgrimage I think of travel to far away places, travel to important places, for important people. The definition of Pilgrimage is to visit a sacred place. It has occurred to me in the last couple of weeks that perhaps it is unfair to leave this work to only some. What would it be like to see our lives as sacred places? What would it be like to treat the next 40 days as an important time for us to journey with God, to be really present and intentional in our life?

"The Art of Pilgrimage" by Phil Cousineau is a book that I have been drinking in. "What is sacred is what is worthy of our reverence, what evokes awe and wonder in the human heart, and what when contemplated transforms us utterly." We are each longing for wholeness, for something more, something most of us are unable to even articulate. It is this longing that we so often misunderstand. Are we really lonely? What are we lonely from? Are we hungry? What do we really need to feel full? What are your questions? Perhaps you are bored with your life, what do you find interesting? "Uncover what you long for and you will discover who you are."

The picture that I posted at the top of the page is one that I just took in the church that I serve as an Episcopal Priest. We are The Episcopal Church of St. John the Baptist, in Sanbornville, NH. We have many beautiful stain glass windows. My goal was to see things in them that I had not seen before. What do you see? This window is of St. Elizabeth. When I look at this I am drawn to her eyes. I see wisdom and worry. It seems she has traveled many miles to this place. She is pale, yet strong. The window is vibrant and yet has elements of darkness. The shot at the top of the page is the hem of her dress. The colors are deep and beautiful. What do you see?

I invite each of you to go to a place in your life and look at it from a different perspective. Do you see something that you had never seen before? Maybe you will see something that you see all the time and yet today, with God's help, with a new awareness, and a curiosity that comes from that longing, it will be made new. Let us make this pilgrimage together. Each of us have our own story, we are called to grow into the people that God most needs us to be. Created uniquely in the image of God. Let today be a day when we know that we are traveling to an important place and that we are important people.

May God Bless us as we enter into this Lenten season.