What would the prayer be?

Almighty and everlasting God, you hate nothing you have made and

 forgive the sins of all who are penitent: 

Create and make in us new and contrite hearts,

 that we, worthily lamenting our sins 

and acknowledging our wretchedness, 

may obtain of you, the God of all mercy, 

perfect remission and forgiveness; 

through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives 

and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit,

 one God, for ever 

and ever. Amen.

BCP Pg. 264

This is the opening prayer from the Ash Wednesday Service.   As I was reading it some particular words jumped out at me.  Penitent, contrite, lament and wretchedness.  There are many things that cause people to want to shy away or outright leave the church.  Words can stand in the way of being open, or for some, hearing the message at all.  These are challenging and for some, mean or punitive words.  But are they really?  

We live in a time where self loathing and self absorption lead many to feelings of emptiness and loss.  Learning and growing must come through lived experience.  With God’s help, we must be able to learn and grow  when we wander off the path, act in a way that does not serve us, or others around us.  

“Show them that your ways give more life than the ways of the world, and that following you is better than chasing after selfish goals.  Help them to take failure, not as a measure of their worth, but as a chance for a new start.”  BCP 829

Judgement and criticism are painful at best.  It is particularly damaging when done through the lens of religion.  We are children of God, created in God’s image.  We are taught to follow Christ and the lessons shared in scripture.  When we make mistakes or bad decisions we are overcome with shame and guilt.   Many are left feeling they will never be able to live up to these expectations.  How could God love us?   What can we do? 

"Almighty and everlasting God, you hate nothing you have  made "

Lent has come and gone in my life many times.  I have never before heard the first words of the opening prayer.  God hates nothing God has made.  Nothing.  So where does that leave us?  Let’s look at the words of this ancient prayer. 

Penitent means a feeling or showing of sorrow or regret for having done something wrong.   If we remind ourselves of that, the prayer might go like this: 

Gracious God, you love all that you created.  In your infinite mercy you forgive us when you see us feeling sad and sorry when we have made mistakes.  

It is appropriate for us to feel sad and regretful when we have made decisions that hurt ourselves, those we love or the world around us.  God created us as human beings, not divine beings.  We are going to look outside ourselves to fill a place inside that only God's love can fill.  

The only way we are able to come to know this, is to be able to admit our wrongs, admit when we have made a mistake and know that  God loves us.  God can only show us that love when we show our feelings of sorrow or regret.  

Contrite is another word that feels very hard. But after I spent some time with it, that began to change.  It is an adjective, a word that describes something.  Contrite means feelings of guilt or remorse.  Being affected by guilt. 

"Create and

make in us new and contrite hearts,"

If we live in a world where we are never able to make mistakes or be wrong, whether for fear of judgment or self loathing, how can we express our grief or sorrow?  But, it is these feeling of guilt and sadness that keep us up at night, or lead us to reach for any number of things that we know aren't good for us.  How could the prayer go? 

Help us know that when we share with you our guilt

 and pain, we will be made new.  

Help us remember you hate nothing you have made.  

"Worthily lamenting our sins."   The tough religious language continues.  But does it?  

Scripture is filled with psalms and prayers of lament.  This is a word that we do not use in our everyday language.  But we say prayers and sing songs of lament all the time.  Lament is a passionate expression of grief or sorrow.  When our hearts are broken and we don't know where to turn we write, pray,sing or  paint.  When our hearts are broken we share with someone that loves us and cares about our loss.  When our hearts are broken we share our pain with God.  How might the prayer look? 

God, you know me and love me.  You know when I get

 lost how very much I miss you.  

God, only you love me to wholeness and light.  

God, I have made many mistakes and wandered away from you.  

God, help me to feel the healing power of your forgiveness.  

Now we get to the really hard part, "acknowledging our wretchedness."  The word wretchedness has always felt like a very shameful word.  For some it can feel like handing over power or putting ones self down unreasonably.  I admit to being very surprised when I looked up the definition of wretchedness.  It is misery, a state of ill-being due to affliction or misfortune.  Really?  

When I am sick with worry or guilt, I really do feel sick.  Physically, I know that something is wrong.  Wretchedness is not a description of who I am, it is a description of how I feel if I am ill of spirit.  If my heart and soul are hurt at a deep level, I feel awful.  What happens when I admit my illness?  What happens when I admit to needing help?  What would the prayer look like?

Gracious God, I need your help.  My feelings of guilt and

 pain have taken over me.  I can't let them go.  

Gracious God, Help me to know your love and forgiveness.  

Help me to heal and grow toward health and wholeness.  

Ash Wednesday is the beginning of Lent.  On that day I hope you find a service where you are able to pray these words and words of your own.  On that day know that the ashes on your forehead mark you as Christ's own, yet again.  

What is Hidden?

"Many of us do not know our own story.  The story about who we are, not about what we have done.  What we have faced to build what we have built, what we have drawn upon and risked to do it, what we have felt, thought, feared, and discovered through the events of our lives.  What we have learned."  

Rachel Naomi Remen, MD.

At the base of those birch trees in the picture above is a bench.  Under the many inches of snow, is a granite bench that I see each time I head down this path.  The bench is almost hidden, as is the saying that is carved on in.  

"Let your Song be Sung" 

It is a beautiful winter day here in New Hampshire. It would be so easy to be  sick of the snow.  I am not saying, that I'm not, but on this day, it is really beautiful.  Growing up in New England makes a big difference I'm sure.  Bundling up and heading out to clear off the walk and wander through the new fallen snow is a ritual I claim from my childhood.  

Rachel Naomi Remen wrote a wonderful book, Kitchen Table Wisdom.  One of the many themes of her work is the telling of stories.  In years gone by, people would gather around tables, share food, and tell stories.  

Fryeburg, Maine is where I grew up.  Many of you may know Fryeburg as the home of the Fryeburg Fair.  But in addition to my memories of the fair, are memories of walking the many sidewalks with my mother.  As we walked she would tell me about her day, we would talk about mine.  It was quiet and peaceful.  

My mother was not a person that sat still easily.  She was brought up by a woman who always needed to be doing something productive.  Both women were wonderful cooks and each had their own ways of being creative and nurturing their families. They knit and loved the fiber arts and passed that on to me. I grew up as the oldest daughter and grand daughter in this family.  

My story is unique.  They would be baffled at many of the things that I find fun or creative.  Telling stories and writing in a blog or in an electronic Newsletter.  Taking pictures on a phone that is also a computer, and then uploading those pictures to Facebook.  I can hear them ask, "What is a blog?  Why would you do that?  How is that fun?"  

My story is the same.  I love to knit and create things with yarn and fabric.  Cooking is one of the things I love and it is one of the things that causes me to feel closer to my mother.  Her recipe for Shredded Wheat Bread is still a family favorite.  I find ways in my world to be creative and nurture my family.  The story continues through walks, recipes, and yes, typing.  

My story is both unique and very much the same.  What is your story?  What are things in your life today that you value that are threads of your past?  What are things in your life today that bring you joy that are uniquely yours? 

The story that each of us has is unique and special.  We grew up with others that influenced who we are today.  Some were brought up in the country, some the city.  What story would you tell at the kitchen table? 

Each of us has a story that continues to unfold.  We are living, breathing instruments of God's grace in the world.  We may not always feel that way.  We may not know how our lives could matter in the big picture, or certainly to God, but it does.  

What is your story?  Is there something hidden? 

"Let your song be sung."  

Stay warm and know that Spring is coming!

Why "Thirst"?

Why "Thirst"? 

The Vast Ocean Begins Just Outside

Our Church: The Eucharist

Mary Oliver

"Something has happened

to the bread

and the wine.

They have been blessed.

What now?

The body leans forward

to receive the gift

from the priest's hand,

then the chalice.

They are something else now

from what they were

before this began.

I want

to see Jesus,

maybe in the clouds

or on the shore,

just walking,

beautiful man

and clearly

someone else

besides.

On the hard days

I ask myself

if I ever will.

also there are times

my body whispers to me

that I have. “

Mary Oliver is the author of this poem.  It comes from her recent book called Thirst.  When I first picked up the book, I found myself wondering about the title.

Why Thirst?

Mary Oliver is the author of many books.  She finds a way through her poetry to 

find the sacred intersection of the natural world and the sacred.  We inhabit a 

world created by something much larger than ourselves.  There is much around us that is "man" made and yet it's very origin is beyond our understanding(or at least mine).

Why Thirst?

Yet, having that knowledge does not change my desire to know and understand.  The God that is central to my way of being often manifests itself as a longing for something just beyond my reach.

"Something has happened

to the bread

and the wine.

They have been blessed.

What now?

The body leans forward”

The body leans forward, the body leans to meet that longing that is just beyond 

our reach.  The body is thirsty.  The body looks to have that thirst, that longing

satisfied.

Jesus knew that he was about to leave as he sat around the table with friends.  

In my imagination, I think of Jesus asking God, what to do next.  "How, God, how

 am I to let them know that I will be with them always? How can I help them remember? How can I give them a tangible sign that the longing they feel is for you?  How can I help them quench that thirst?  How, God? “

Jesus finishes this prayer and sits back in his chair.  He lifts his cup of wine

 and takes a sip.  With a big sigh he looks around.  As is so often true with God,

the answer comes.  We are nourished by bread and water.  We gather with others in remembrance that God is always with us.

Why Thirst?

"They are something else now

from what they were

before this began. “

Jesus stands to speak to those gathered around the table.  As he looks around the room, each man was looking at him, waiting…….

Jesus reached for a loaf of bread, the bread that they had shared on this night 

and many before.  He held it up and their gaze followed.  He prayed words of Thanksgiving and blessing to God.  He broke it in half, holding it out in front of him, he looked directly at each person gathered there.  "We have spent this time together.  You have seen healing, miracles, and God's grace on this journey.  I have been your leader, your teacher, but I am leaving soon.  You must remember and carry on this work.  I know it will be hard and you will feel lost and alone.  I am here to help you remember.  I am here to remind you of that longing, that thirst that can only be filled with……

"This is my body, which is given for you.  Do this in remembrance of me.”

Take, eat, be nourished on the bread that is my body, so that you will never forget. Try not to forget me and know that I am always with you.

Jesus puts the bread down on a plate, the plate just like all the others.   He leans

over and picks up his cup of wine.  Those gathered around the table watch his every move.  There is no way they can know the significance of this moment, or these words. 

Jesus lifts the cup and prays.  Prayers of Thanksgiving and invocation to a God that will be the grace needed to hold this all together.  Jesus takes the cup and

looks at each person at that table.  You will thirst for me when I am gone.  There

will be days when you are not sure of what you saw, or will not remember this night. There will be days when it may seem to be too much.  On those days take this cup,this wine, and know that it is now changed to the blood, my blood, that I am about to shed for you.  I do this so you are reminded how very blessed and loved you are. You are loved and forgiven by the God who made you.  You are loved and forgiven by the God that calls you God's own.  Whenever you thirst, drink from this cup,and remember me.

"On the hard days

I ask myself

if I every will.

also there are times

my body whispers to me

that I have. "

Why Mary Oliver used the title Thirst for her collection of poems, I don't know.

  But her poem about the Eucharist names our thirst for that something larger than ourselves and describes the mystery that is God's presence among us.

Why Thirst?

We thirst for the love of God and the comfort of knowing we are not alone.

Addiction

"The path of descent is the path of transformation.  Darkness ,failure, relapse, death, and roundedness are our primary teachers, rather than idea or doctrines. "

Richard  Rohr

The view out the window that I show above is a beautiful one.  The snow  falls, the roads and parking lot are peaceful.  A fresh blanket  covers all of yesterdays dirt , sand and salt.  There is a deep sense of quiet.  

This week we heard of yet another actor that's life came to an end  due to drug addiction. James Seyour Hoffman died  at  46 years old.  It is said that he struggled with addiction since the age of 22.  

This week I enjoyed lunch with my son who is working on an Ambulance  in the state of Maine.  He talked about the increased number of deaths by heroin in the last year.  He talked about the devastating road Heroin leads people down.  He talked about powerlessness. 

I was recently in a conversation with someone  that has watched their husband, a smart, clever, successful man, lose everything, including his marriage, to Heroin.  This person delivered food to an abandoned building so he would have food.  This person drove home crying.   

NPR reports: 

"Drug overdoses have plagued New Hampshire for years, and until recently their leading cause was prescription medication, namely methadone and oxycodone.

It's not anymore.

Deaths last year from heroin - 38 - outpaced those from any other drug, according to Dr. Thomas Andrew, the state's chief medical examiner. And for the past two years, he said, heroin accounted for the most deaths from overdoses of a single drug."

Why do I write about this?  How did I get from peace and beauty to the devastating and painful realities of addiction?  I got here because we each have that vulnerable place within us, that craves acceptance and peace.  I got here  because we must not close our eyes to the reality of this painful  disease.  

 

As a community of faith we gather together around the common belief that God is at the center of our lives.  We gather with the ever present hope that we can be there for each other and the world.  We gather together to hold each other and empower each other to make the world a place of meaning and  purpose.  One aspect of that work is not turning a blind eye to things in our midst that are breaking or broken.  

Heroin addiction is something that happens to other people.  Addiction can happen to anyone. Many of us know the empty feeling in the soul that nothing can fill.  We live in a world that tells us that if you take a pill, or use some substance outside yourself, that loneliness, self-loathing or that  lost feeling will go away.  We live in a world that is a place of joy and pain, a place of peace and turmoil, a place of hard work and rest.  We live ......

"Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in Thee. "

St. Augustine

The snow rests beautifully on the land in front of us.  It is beautiful today and yet, will soon be changed.  How are we changed when we long for God's love to fill those places in our soul that long for some rest?  

Addiction is a disease that we cannot treat with will power alone.  It is not a disease that we can treat for someone else.  Addiction is a disease that runs in families and affects all of us.  Heroin is in the

 news right now.  It has become the current killer of many.  

I write this so that we can be aware.  There is help available for those that are struggling with addiction or those that love someone who is.  We have  an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting here at St. John's on Thursday evening. 

There is a prayer in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous called the Third Step prayer.  The Third Step is one of 12 that are the basis for recovery in Twelve Step Programs.  

Step Three

"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over 

to the care of God as we understood Him."

  

The following is a prayer that can help us to this:

The Third Step Prayer

from page 63 of the Big Book of

 Alcoholics Anonymous

God, I offer myself to Thee-
To build with me
and to do with me as Thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self,
that I may better do Thy will.
Take away my difficulties,
that victory over them may bear witness
to those I would help of Thy Power,
Thy Love, and Thy Way of life.
May I do Thy will always!

We pray each week that God help us with those things that get in our way of being the people God most needs us to be.  We pray that God take away our sins.  We pray to be "relieved of the bondage of self."  We pray these things each time we say the "Lord's Prayer." 

As we look out of our windows on this day, we will each see a different landscape.  But we each long for a God that is there to walk this life with us.  We long to not be alone and empty.  Let us pray for those we love that struggle with addiction.  Let us pray for ourselves as we too struggle with the temptations that promise us peace and escape.  Let us pray to be released from the Bondage of fear and hopelessness.