What makes you think?

Recently I have spent a fair amount of time thinking, researching and working with ideas of Theology.  What does it mean and most importantly why do we care?

Religion is one of those places in our lives that has it's own language.  When I first entered seminary it became clear very quickly that everyone there spoke a language that I didn't know.  What was hermeneutics, soteriology or dogmatics?  I had no clue about my theology of salvation, redemption or any thing else for that matter.  I remember someone coming up to me after a class and saying they would really like to talk about my theology of redemption, he really liked it and wanted to know more.  Walking away all I could think was what had he heard me say that he deemed theology and what did he want to know more about? 

What I knew at that point in my life was that I love God with a passion that just wouldn't go away.  My belief in God and my experience of God was one that was central to my life and my understanding of how I lived.  God was something that was ever present in my life, even when I turned my back.  It was this unshakable thing inside me that no one could take away.  Somehow I knew that the only way my life would make sense would be if I could bring a message of hope, healing and love that I knew to be God, to those in my midst. 

But what was this whole Theology thing? 

A definition of Theology is: "The study of religious faith, practice, and experience, especially the study of God and of God's relation to the world."  Well, that is actually very helpful.  I wonder if you take a breath and reflect for a second, could you share how you feel about God, why God matters, or why God doesn't matter.  Maybe God matters profoundly, but the Church or religion makes little difference.  How do we give thanks for the many blessings in our lives, and where do we look to for courage, hope and direction?  What does community have to do with God, is it necessary or helpful?

Words are a wonderful and necessary thing.  But, in many instances, they can bog us down, confuse us, or even make us feel less than.  I would invite you to think of yourself as a theologian for a while.  Look at the world through the lens of faith.  Where do you see God?  Why are you reading this post at all?  Making meaning of your life through the lens of your faith is theology. 

"Where people pray is church, where there is church there is no loneliness."  Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Over time I have come to know and apprecite the language of our faith and of the religious traditions.  Reading and coming to know about those in our past that spent much time in prayer and reflection giving voice to the mystery that is God is an amzing gift of the church.  It also allows us to deepen our faith in ways we cannot imagine.  Let us begin again by reminding ourselves how much God matters to us and why.  

Thank you for mud puddles.

"That child is the self through whom we have access to the vitality and youthfulness of God. She or he is the one who reflects the creativity, sensitivity, and vibrant imagination of the Love which is our maker and mother." Martin L Smith


Years ago when I was first starting in recovery from addiction, one of the models for healing was getting to know your "inner child".  For some, this was a crazy idea, and for others they were unable to ever balance the adult and the child.  It was a very helpful and important tool in healing for me. Having compassion for myself and learning what self-care and support were supposed to look like really became possible when I was able to use the image of  that child. 

I remember vividly picturing a young girl, with long braids, overalls and bright red high top converse sneakers.  Imagining her on this piece of property my family owned years ago on Keaser Lake in Lovell, Maine was wonderful.  It was quiet there, peaceful and I can still see the light dancing off the water.  Meditations using this imagery were important times in developing my relationship with God.  It was time when I could step back, stop the noise in my head and feel God's presence. 

Why is the model so helpful?  As I write this I don't even like the language, model.  Why as adults do we let the spirit and authenticity of our child be in the past?  Why are we so determined that to be whole, to be successful, to be OK, we must be grown up? 

It is true and important that as adults we are required to maintain responsibilities that children do not.  We are expected to behave in certain ways that are socially acceptable.  This is fine and good.  But when we get to busy, when we let ourselves be taken over by the responsibilities of this life we have created, sometimes we forget how to breath.  Sometimes we forget the playful, creative nature that God placed in us and that God values so much. 

"Children have authority in the kingdom; they embody and communicate the vulnerability, the openness, the elan, the reaching out for life of God's Spirit."  Martin Smith

Today is a day of restlessness, expectancy, and the knowledge of change on the horizon.  Childlike curiosity and joy are blessings that are within our grasp.  The openness and love of the child within each of us longs for our attention.  We must not negate that part of ourselves as not important, not serious enough, not of value.  It is that part of ourselves that can best help us see and experience the mystery and beauty of our lives, it is that part of ourselves that can help us rejoice in the everyday. 

Gracious God,  Thank you for this day.

Thank you for high top red sneakers.

Thank you for braids that were sometimes to tight.

Thank you for the gift of playfulness,

for curiosity,

for laughter,

for mud puddles,

for marbles and street chalk.

Thank you for jump ropes.

Thank you for bikes.

Gracious God, Thank you for the child within each of us

that longs for your love and knows it far better than we

do on most days. 

Thank you for the patience that child has with us as we move

through our busy and important lives.

Thank you for the playfullness, creativity and joy that is your

spirit living through us. 

Gracious God, help me to rejoice in the childlike nature that is

within me. 

Amen.

How is the Spirit working in our lives?

How is the Spirit working in our lives, where is the path leading?  The last couple of months have been incredibly rich with new learning, stretching my comfort zone, stretching the limits of time and tasks.  But with that has comes some really wonderful new knowing, much of which I am still searching for language for. 

The Spirit is always working in our lives, sometimes in ways that we know and can name, other times it is a slow gradual, shifting. 

For years one of my favorite Lenten meditation books is one written by Martin L. Smith, "A Season for the Spirit".  As is God's way with me so often, I picked it up the other day and it immediately started to speak to me.  Lent is a time of reflection and refinement, a time of letting go and renewing.  This can only be done deeply when we are honest about where we are in our lives of faith, where we are in the lives we lead and where God is in all that. 

"The Spirit can help me today to understand a little better the interplay of Yes and No in my life.  There is a self within me that says No to hope, No to myself, No to others, No to opportunities, the self that allows everything to take on the darkness and rigidity of that cave inside where life seems frustrating and hurtful." 

There are times when we meet people and as their story unfolds a resilience,a sense of spirit is obvious.  As parents most of us want so much to make sure our children are happy, well and supported.  We wish for them love, joy and peace.  Yet, there are times that as human beings life unfolds the way it does.  People lose their jobs, money becomes sparse and the stress on a family is huge.  Marriage and relationships are challenging and sometimes even with the best intentions, prayer and hard work, people part ways.  Tragedy happens in some families, death, addiction, imprisonment all cause pain, loss and fear. 

Each of us know people that fall into any of these catagories, each of us can identify with a life described here.  Regardless of the experience that has formed us, we each must find those places in ourselves that cause us to say NO to the life that God is calling us to.  Some of the strongest most resilient people I have met or admire came from very challenging circumstances. 

"Can I also hear within myself the voice which pronounces a real Yes to God and to the life in which I meet God?  Can I hear a Yes from within which trusts and believes, which hopes and asks, which reaches and strives, which accepts and recieves?  Can I hear within myself a  Yes  which trusts the love of God and accepts our extream vulnerability at the same time without pretence?" 

It is truly looking back on the experiences in my life that I know how deeply I have been formed by those times that were so painful.  Finding our way through life and the decisions we make can be a maze, a place where we hit walls, or feel trapped with no way to get out.  Maybe we have times when we feel abandon or mislead.  I have been blessed in my life, I know the love of my family and friends.  Many of the lessons I had to learn were ones I was warned about, things I was taught that either never registered or I thought I knew better.  God alone knows us, God alone knows those places within us that long for love.  God is always there even when we think not, God will be that voice when we can hear no other, God is with us in the maze of life, and God longs for us to say Yes. 

"Can I hear a Yes from within myself which is deep because it is an acceptance of a way of love which works through our vulnerability? "

The quotes today are all from "A Season for the Spirit", Martin Smith.  In closing today, I am aware of the blessing of God, of time and those times in my life that have formed me so profoundly. I am reminded of my faith, my strengh and desire for a very intentional Yes to God. 

"Breath of God in me, God has said Yes to me by giving you to me as my helper and source of the new life I want.  The faith you are giving me will help my Yes to life gradually to sound stronger than the NO of my mistrust.  The hope you are stirring in me will help my Yes overcome my timitdity.  The love with which you are impregnating me will melt the barriers behind which I have been taught to live and help me say Yes to myself, to others and the God in whom we all live and move and have our being.  Amen" 
Martin Smith

How can the sacred shape us?

What do we think about the idea that the sacred must sometimes change to shape us?  What is it like to meet God outside of our comfort zones, outside the norms we were brought up with?

In the early years of the church Lent was a time when those that were not baptized spent years preparing for this sacrament.  Education about the creeds, the catechism, history of the church, and the doctrine of our faith were central to preparation.  Personal prayer, reflection and preparation of body, mind and spirit was the foundation.

This is also true today in many ways, but it looks very different.  When Jesus was baptized, the sky opened and God proclaimed that Jesus was his son, that he was prouder of him than we can imagine and loved him to the moon and back.  Ok, those aren't God's words exactly, but I believe them to be true.  God loves us with this same overwhelming power.

"Still, Notes on a Mid-Faith Crisis", is a book written by Lauren f. Winner.  In it is a very interesting story about the poet Anne Sexton, an award winning poet. We hear about her faith.   Most of her life she struggled with depression and other metal health issues.

"Once, when she was in a mental hospital, a Catholic priest came to visit her.  'Well,' she said to him, 'I've lost it all.'  The priest sat in her room and read her own poems aloud to her and she said, 'Look, I'm not sure I believe in God, anyway,' and he said, 'Your typewriter is your altar.' Sexton said, 'I can't go to church. I can't pray.' The priest said, 'Your poems are your prayers.'  Later she said she'd like him to baptize her, and then she'd like to take Communion.  He replied that she'd have to study the faith first, the councils, the creeds.  'I can't do that, Father Dunn....It would ruin....my thinking: I'd want Him to be my God, anyway.  I don' want to be taught about Him; I want to make Him up."  When he left her room, she asked him to pray for her. 'No," he replied, 'You pray for me."

The idea of her typewriter being her altar, her poems being her prayers is one that really resonates with me.  We each have places that we are able to be in touch with God, places and ways that we are able to pray. Being in relationship with God in ways that are intimate and sacred is a very personal thing.  What is your altar?  What do your prayers look like?

The idea of "making God up", is not the way I experience the journey, but I do believe that God is far greater than our human mind can fathom.  Each of us have stories and experiences that affirm for us the existence of a power greater than ourselves.  As Episcopalians we are called to look through the lens of scripture, tradition and reason to make meaning of our lives with God.  This allows us to enter into the life of the sacred in ways that challenge and transform us.

I was very touched by the Priest in this story.  I would like to have him visit me as the journey unfolds.  What do you hear?  Why was he asking for her prayers?

The Catechism tells us the "The sacraments are outward and visible signs of inward and spiritual grace, given by Christ as sure and certain means by which we receive that grace."  BCP, 857

We are also told that: "Grace is God's favor towards us, unearned and undeserved; by grace God forgives our sins, enlightens our minds, stirs our hearts, and strengthens our wills."  BCP 858

Lent is a time of preparation and prayers. It is a time to remember who God is in our lives, to spend time and wonder what difference all this makes, and to walk the journey with Jesus as he shows us the way.

"O God of unchangeable power and eternal light:  Look favorably on your whole Church, that wonderful and sacred mystery; by the effectual working of your providence carry out in tranquillity the plan of salvation; let the whole world see and know that things which were cast down are being raised up, and things which had grown old are being made new, and that all things are being brought to their perfection by him through whom all things were made, your Son Jesus Christ our Lord.  Amen.
  BCP  291