What is growing beneath the surface?

It is a cold, snowy January morning here in New Hampshire.  As the snow settles a peace comes over the land.  Each step makes a squeeking sound as it touchs the earth.  The whilte blanket that covers the ground still looks pristine.  This will not last long.  Soon footprints of many sizes, shapes and varities will mark the canvas.  Rain that is expected later in the day may take some of it away, or at the very least change the texture and appearance. 

As this new year begins we are invited into a time or wondering, wandering and prayer.  What new life lives beneath the cold and ice?  What new life is being born in us this day?  This prayer from John O"Donohue is one I offer up as a tool for reflection. 

"For A New Beginning"

In out-of -the-way places of the heart,

Where your thoughts never think to wander, 

This beginning has been quietly forming,

Waiting until you were ready to emerge. 

For a long time it has watched your desire, 

Feeling the emptiness growing inside you, 

Noticing how you willed yourself on, 

Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.

It watched you play iwth the seduction of safety 

And the gray promises that sameness whispered,

Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,

Wondered would you always live like this. 

Then the delight, when your courage kindled, 

and out you stepped onto new ground, 

Your eyes young again with energy and dream, 

A path of plenitude opening before you. 

Though your destination is not yet clear 

You can trust the promise of this opening;

Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning 

That is at one with your life's desire. 

Awaken your spirit to adventure;

Hold nothig back, learn to find ease in risk;

Soon you will be home in new rhythn, 

For your sould senses the world that awaits you.   

From the book:  To Bless the Space Between Us, Joh O'Donohue

Our Body as Gift

"Through running we learn about succeeding and failing, about reaching pasts the probable and accomplishing the impossible.  The struggle to find one's potential as a runner is the most frustratingly satisfying pursuit that many of us never undertake.

Running is the greatest teacher  there is.  Running is a kind but insistent instructor.  It listens but doesn't compromise.

What you learn is often determined by what you need to know.  If you think you're weak, you will learn that you are strong.  If you think you are indestructible, you will learn that you are fragile.

In the end, though, you will learn that you are human.  You are no more and no less than all those who are learning their lessons as you learn yours."

John, Bingham, Jenny Hadfield

As I look back over my life, I  have had a love - hate relationship with exercise.  Growing up we lived in a place that allowed us to be very active.  We had sports fields in our back yard, tennis courts, access to basketball courts and weight rooms.  We lived on the campus of a private school and my dad was in the administration there.

This summer was a time of reflection.  As I sit here this day looking back at the young girl that I was, I feel very sad.  She was very lonely and insecure. Recently I had the opportunity to talk to my sister in law about working out and just general issues of staying fit.  My brother had just recently told her that I was the athlete in the family.  It never ceases to amaze me how we perceive ourselves is seldom how others see us.  As  I shared with her,  in my minds eye, he and my brother were the jocks in the family.

Riding my bike was freedom.  Putting my things in my backpack, waving goodbye, getting on my light blue 10 speed and speeding out the driveway was bliss to me.  I felt the strength in my legs.  But most importantly I was free of all the stress and demands that were in my house.  I could choose which road to take.  I could choose how fast or how slow to go.  One of my favorite things was the feeling of letting go of the handle bars and riding without holding on.  My back straight and strong, my head high and the wind blowing through my hair.

Playing tennis was one of the things that I could do either with a friend or by myself.  There was a large brick wall in the back of the school that many of us would use to bat tennis balls against.  Someone drew the height of the net on the bricks with chalk.  I would spend hours there, by myself hitting the balls.  It felt great when the racket and ball would connect.  I felt strong and clear.  It was a place that I could put all the energy, anger and frustration.  In those days I knew nothing about the struggles that were haunting me, this was my life.

Sometime during our adolescence someone put up a basketball hoop in our yard.  My brothers and I would go out and shoot hoops a lot.  I remember playing HORSE for hours.  It used to drive my mother crazy, she never understood why a girl wanted to do that and why I wanted to do it so often.

The stillness under the water is the most amazing thing.  Swimming was always important to me and something that I was good at.  Even today, I love the feeling of laying in the water, floating and having my ears under the water, quiet, still, peace.

This past october I realized that I was so out of shape that I couldn't stand it anymore.  I found myself looking around and people were doing all these fun and interesting things and I was sitting, watching TV, knitting, reading, or shopping.  And of course eating.  None of these things are bad or wrong. I still enjoy each of them.  But since then I have embarked on a program of wight loss and fitness.  I feel so much better and am down 26 lbs.

My largest barrier today are the messages that I have in my head.  I want to believe that I am good enough, that what I do is good enough.  I want to claim the part of me that is athletic.  I want to feel good in my body and know that I am strong and fit.


As we enter this new year it is important not just to make New Years resolutions, but to reflect on all the gifts God has given us.  How are we using the gift that is our body?  How are we taking care of the vessel that carries us around, allows us to be in this world?  Where are those places that we could give back to God by taking better care of who we are?  


"What you learn is often determined by what you need to know.  If you think you're weak, you will learn that you are strong.  If you think you are indestructible, you will learn that you are fragile.

In the end, though, you will learn that you are human.  You are no more and no less than all those who are learning their lessons as you learn yours."  Jenny Hadfield


Gracious God, thank you for the blessing of my healthy body.  Thank you for the ability to move, to run and to play.  Help me to rejoice in the gift you have given me, Help me to rejoice and claim myself as an active person.  Gracious God, thank you for the gift of exercise in my life and all that is has and will continue to give me.  Amen.