Welcome to Advent

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”

― Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude

Baptism

Baptism is one of those aspects of our faith that we don't talk enough about as adults.  We may if we have children or grandchildren that we want to be sure are welcomed into the family of Christ.  We also may not even have that concept, we may just want them "done", because we have been told it's important.

The Baptismal Covenant has always been a central tenant to my theology.  There are concepts in it that I can not completely explain.  But I know that it is a foundation to the faith tradition that I have claimed as my own.  With each question the response reminds us that we can only live into this path with God's help.  With each response there is no question that we will falter, but that when we do, if we turn to God, help will be there.

Recently I came upon a prayer that could be used with the Baptismal covenant.  It was written by Reginald Hollis,  It is encouraged to be shared if acknowledgment to the Anglican Fellowship of Prayer is given.  I share it with you today as a way to reflect on how our Baptism whether as a child or as an adult, calls us to discipleship.  Take time to reflect on the questions and wonder........ where is calling you today?

Praying the Baptismal Covenant

Do you believe in God the Father, in Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and in God the Holy Spirit? 

Our God, 

it’s one thing to say the creed

but another to put my trust in you.  

Help me to live with the assurance that you are my Father

and that nothing can separate me from your love,

trusting in your forgiveness expressed in Jesus

and looking to your Spirit to make me your person. 

Will you continue in the apostles’ teaching and fellowship, in the breaking of bread, and in the prayers? 

Our God, I know I was not meant to go it alone

because you created the church

to be a supportive family for your children. 

And I know the church is made up of people like me

--so it isn’t perfect!

Help me to play my part in the church, 

so I can learn from the teaching,

be encouraged by the fellowship,

be renewed in the Eucharist,

and find strength for living each day through prayer.

Will you persevere in resisting evil, and, whenever you fall into sin, repent and return to the Lord? 

Our God, 

You understand that sometimes 

I do things I never intended to do. 

My sorrow doesn’t put it all right. 

Neither can I use y weakness as an excuse. 

Help me

to begin anew, 

to experience your forgiveness

and to walk again in Jesus’ way. 

Will you proclaim by word and example the Good news of God in Christ? 

Our God 

help me to live the way jesus called me to live. 

may my actions speak louder than my words

of your love and of new life in Jesus. 

At the same time, help me rise above my own stumbling speech

and give me the words to express what I believe.

Let me be a witness to the Truth. 

Will you seek and serve Christ in all persons, loving your neighbor as yourself? 

Our God, 

all too often I have looked at people 

in a very superficial way. 

Help me begin to see them with your eyes,

knowing that every person is created 

in your image, 

as your child. 

If jesus died for that person,

how can I despise him? 

Give me a new love that reaches out to everyone

because Jesus died for all.  

Will you strive for justice and peace among all people, and respect the dignity of every human being? 

Our God, 

I don’t want my attitudes to be shaped

by the injustices that mar society, 

by the discrimination, greed, and lust 

that spoil relationships. 

In Jesus

color does not count,

wealth carries no weight,

and gender is not important. 

Help me to live in Jesus,

to see people through his eyes,

and work for the harmony

that reflects your kingdom. 

*Praying the Baptismal Covenant” by Reginald Hollis c. 1993,  

may be reproduced with acknowledgment to the Anglican Fellowship of Prayer.  

Passing of a Season

Yesterday I was walking my dog on his favorite trail not far from our home.  The air was crisp and the leaves covered the trail.  For some the color has already left and for others the bright red and orange still    

jumped out to capture my attention. 

As I was walking along, my eye first went to this beautiful red leaf laying on the log.  One of the forms of prayer that I love, and don't do enough, is walking in nature without listening to technology.  No earbuds this day, just the sound and sights of the present moment.  On this day, that was my practice.  As I looked down, I saw this beautiful leaf, full of color, and yet it had fallen from the tree and was sitting majestically on this worn log.  Around it was a large bed of soft pine needles, along with other leaves in varying stages of change.  

One of the blessings of this practice, is the quieting of the mind.  With that comes the opportunity to see and know the world in a new way.  The season of fall is here and passing.  Letting go of the bright color, the brisk air and the season past.  Yet, this image gave me comfort to know that when we let go, it is only then that we can truly be held and know the loving embrace of God.  

Then as I looked up I saw this lone leaf hanging onto the branch, or is it resting, you decide.  I glanced up and began to walk away.  Because I was present, I was able to listen, and notice my thoughts.  Why was I so quickly moving away?  The lone leaf, nesting in the tree was drawing me, but I didn't want to look.  God is a loving and persistent guide.  I went back, looked up and knew that this, felt like a picture of that in between place, that place of having let go, while not quite sure how the landing is going to go.

We are blessed with the change of seasons here in New England.  It is a great opportunity to use these changes as an opportunity to reflect on our own lives.  Where are we growing and changing?  Where can we let go?  Where have we landed when we have let go in the past?

One of my favorite collects from the Book of Common Prayer comes from the Good Friday Liturgy; 

O God of unchangeable power and eternal light: Look

favorably on your whole Church, that wonderful and sacred 

mystery; by the effectual working of your providence, carry

out in tranquility the plan of salvation; let the whole world 

see and know that things which were cast down are being

raised up, and things which had grown old are being made

new, and that all things are being brought to their perfection

by him through whom all things were made, your Son Jesus

Christ our Lord; who lives and reigns with you, in the unity

of the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen

I hope we can all enjoy these days of fall, but know that with the closing in of winter comes the preparation for new light and life.  

A General Thanksgiving

As I return from vacation, I am reminded again, how very blessed I am.  We live in a beautiful place, we have the opportunity to eat wonderful food, plenty of clothing and a very cute new home.

God continues to use us in ways that we often can't imagine, and sometimes are not even aware of.  On this day, I was drawn to what is called, " A General Thanksgiving".  It is on page 836 of the Book of Common Prayer.  Over the years I have thought of writing my own and sat down to do that.  Today it became clear to me that reading and praying with these words, was where I needed to begin.

So on this new day, I invite you to join me in praying and reflecting of the words of "A General Thanksgiving" :

Accept, O Lord, our thanks and praise for all that you have done for us.  We thank you for the splendor of the whole creation, for the beauty of this world, for the wonder of life, and for the mystery of love. 

We thank you for the blessing of family and friends, and for the loving 

care which surrounds us on every side.  

We thank you for setting us at tasks which demand our best efforts, and for leading us to accomplishments which satisfy and delight us. 

We thank you also for those disappointments and failures that lead us to 

acknowledge our dependence on you alone.

Above all, we thank you for your Son Jesus Christ; for the truth of his Word and the example of his life; for the steadfast obedience, by which he overcame temptation; for his dying, through which he overcame death; and for his rising to life again, in which we are raised to the life of your kingdom.  

Grant us the gift of your Spirit, that we may know Christ and make him known; and through him, at all times and in all places, may give thanks to you in all things.  Amen.

"Our presence automatically liberates others."

Our Greatest Fear —Marianne Williamson

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other

people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

—Marianne Williamson

We live in a world that much to often judges us, or teaches us to judge ourselves by our looks, our material possessions, our work.  For many young people the experience of growing up and coming into their own is one that seems impossible.  For others it may seem to us like they have it all, and yet, to them the treadmill never stops, it is never enough, they are never enough.  

As people of faith we hear the words that Jesus taught us; "Love your neighbor as yourself." In the Episcopal Church, the faith community that I live in, we are taught that if we are able to love God with our whole hearts, minds and soul, that will lead and hopefully enable us, to love ourselves and then loving our neighbors will be intrinsic in that process.  

One of the wonderful things about a life of faith is that we are constantly growing and learning, hopefully.  I think there was a time in my younger years when I believed that if I lived into this discipline, or did my very best, that this would be a finite exercise.  Ah, the naiveté of youth.  Maybe it is only with age that we come to see the grace and blessing in loving God as never ending, never stagnate and  always growing.  

On this beautiful summer afternoon, know that you are loved beyond your wildest imaginings.  Know that living into the fullness of your light is a life time journey, and one that is never fully complete.  Know that there are those in your life that mirror back all the joy and light that is within you.  Recognize those in your midst that mirror back the darkness, and expose it to the light.  

You are the only 'You' out there.  Give God the most wonderful gift of all, rejoice and be very glad in it!!!

The Surprising Gift.

"By its very nature, contentment-the sense of having
 it all-can't be attained by achieving levels or goals set by others.  It also can't be attained if we don't know what it is for us, if we don't know what truly pleases us.  Such self-knowledge can be difficult to acquire in a world that places all its emphasis on appearances and status."

Having it All cannot happen without being content, and contentment is the essentials:

• Being comfortable in your own skin
• A sense of being your own person
• Truly feeling that being yourself is enough
• Not needing more than what you have
• Freedom from nagging desires 
• Freedom from anxieties

Contentment is not: 

• Satiation
• Happiness
• Personal achievement
• Fulfillment

Contentment, however, makes all of those things possible.  "

From:  "The Minimalist Woman's Guide to Having it All"  by Meg Wolfe

It is a dark, rainy morning.  I sit at a table in the apartment that I recently moved into.  We made the choice to move from the 4 bedroom house that we were renting, to downsize and reevaluate what we needed vs. what we wanted.  I must admit that this is radically new behavior for me.  Much of my life I have behaved as thought I thought that the more, the bigger, the happier.  I know that I am not alone and like many have gone through times when things were very sparse.  

Today I sit here with the awareness that living with much and living with little has brought me to this place.  Brought me to this place of knowing that with God's help neither is the answer.  That for me there is no specific answer, and I would argue that is true for all of us.  What I have come to know is that learning more about who I am, who I love, who loves me, and the work and passions in my life that give me joy need to be the determining factors in how my life looks.  

The last two months of my life have been spent giving cloths away to many different sources, recycling the many, and I mean many, different forms of technology(old computers, TVs, etc.), giving many car loads of perfectly good items to a place that raises money for the local hospital, and many, many, many trips to the local (wonderful) dump.  I will not bore you with the details of all I learned about where to recycle or redistribute your excess things, but I will tell you it can turn into a full time job.  The most amazing thing about doing it this way, as opposed to just moving it all again, is the real awareness of all the "stuff" you have.  How many vases does one couple need?  I'm not talking about family heirlooms, I"m talking about vases, just glass vases that sit on a shelf.  I just don't have fresh cut flowers that often.  

"A wonderful thing happens along the Minimalist path: you realize you've got enough mental and physical space to be yourself, that you are more that the sum total of your possessions, and you actually feel that you are enough in and of yourself.  That's a feeling akin to contentment."  Meg Wolfe

Settling in, clearing space, getting rid of boxes and piles will come with time.  But the gift that I have found under all these piles continues to be the most amazing surprise.  The gift of an increasing lightness, a gift of feeling more present in my skin, and the gift of not feeling trapped by my surroundings and my things.  God shows up in the most amazing and wonderful ways.  Sometimes we need to move things around to find the grace, the gifts that are there, waiting to be revealed.  

Gracious God, Thank you for the life I have today.  Thank you for food, clothing and shelter.  Thank you for the people in my life that I love and love me in return.  Thank you for those in my life that challenge me and enable me to grow.  Thank you for the many blessings in my life today, those I am aware of, and those I miss.  

Gracious God,  Help me remember that you are from which my life and joy comes.  Help me to remember that it is through you and the life that I am present in today,  that I come to know more and more who you need me to be.  

Gracious God, Help me to be the instrument you need me to be today.  Amen.  

"Is not life more than food? "

"Do not worry about your livelihood, what you are to eat or drink or use for clothing. Is not life more than food? Is not the body more valuable than clothes? Seek first the reign of God over you, God’s way of holiness, and all these things will be given you besides. Enough, then, of worrying about tomorrow. Let tomorrow take care of itself. Today has troubles enough of its own."     (Matthew 6:25, 33-34)

As I was walking the dog this morning I was struck by all the new life around me.  Buds are bursting from the limbs of tress and bushes, water is rushing freely into the lake, free from the ice, and green is everywhere.  Spring is an experience that each year feels new and fresh.  The wonder of God's creation stops me, takes my breath away, each year.  

I am in the process of moving from a 4 bedroom house, to a 2 bedroom apt.  The primary imputes behind this decision is the realization that we do not need all the space or items that we have now.  We also have spent far to much time working to pay for these very things.  How is it that we can simplify our lives, spend less time worrying about money or more, and spend more time living into the many blessings and work God has for us?  

God's abundance is all around us, all of us.  It occurred to me a couple of years ago that I felt trapped by a house I didn't even own.  How is it that we allow ourselves to be trapped in our lives?  How is it that we can open ourselves up to options that God sees and we can't?  Maybe we are trapped by a need to provide for those you love, but never ask or consult them as to how they feel.  Maybe we are trapped by the fear of change or letting go.  Fear of measuring up to others or the need for prestige is a very american trap, one that God may recognize as gluttony or greed.  Yikes, we hate these words don't we?  

15 coats hang in my front closet.  Yes, I said front closet, some I have not worn for more years than I care to admit, some I have moved three or four times.  This is the time, this is the year, I am going to let go of some.  I know, I did not say a number, I"m not sure even as I write this, how many.  But I do know that this process is revealing for me the need to hang onto things way past my need or even desire for them.  How many people are cold?  How many people can't afford a coat?  The truth is, I am not one of those people, and the chances are very good that I will not become one of those people.  Truthfully, the chances are better that I will see a new coat that I love and it will find it's way into my home.  I can share my abundance with others, thrift shops abound, as well as any number of other ways to give or sell for very reasonable prices those very things we hold on to.  

I share this story, because it is becoming very clear to me that this must and is becoming a spiritual exercise for me.  God continues to call us to trust in the abundance and blessing that are our lives.  The wealth that I feel and know comes from the security of my love and faith in God, my family and friends, and the ability to work in a way that serves the world and provides me an income.  

Gratitude is such an important element of a faithful life.  There have been times in my life when things were much more sparse.  It is with such gratitude that I never forget those days and yet am able today to let go and share some of what causes me to feel stuck.  It is when we share that we are truly able to open our hearts and minds to what God may be calling us to next.  

What is most important in your life?  "Is not your life more than food?"  Off to more packing?  

We are a pencil in the hand of God.

"I'm a little pencil in the hand of a writing God, who is sending a love letter to the world."
Mother Teresa

Today many of us are still reeling from the bombing in Boston yesterday.  Spring was in the air, many had the day off, and some of us just watched the TV with admiration as people ran miles faster and farther than we could ever imagine.  The elite athletes had completed the race and those that were running for charity or in support of someone near and dear to them continued along the arduous route.

The beautiful day was interrupted when time stopped, when a loud sound startled and changed the lives of many in an instant.  Images came across our screens of people running toward the wounded and suffering.  The beautiful day was interrupted and time stopped, but these people didn't.

When a tragedy like this happens we come together as a people and as community.  Prayers are said from all different faith traditions, and in many different languages.  People come together to help in ways that had not even occurred to them minutes before.  Runners running to hospitals to give blood, carrying the injured to get help, opening homes and offering food to those in need.  We contact our loved ones to be sure they are ok.

Last week in the gospel we heard Jesus ask Peter, "Do you really love me?"  Peter responded, Yes, of course I do, you know I do.  Jesus asks Peter two more times, and each time Peter's answer is the same, Yes, of course. John 21:15-19.  Yes, of course, I love God, but how does God know that?   As I write this I am wondering how we can live that our?  How can we feel the passion and necessity of loving God in our daily lives?

We may never be able to stop bad things from happening in the world, but we can be present in the lives we have.  We can begin as we do all ancient liturgy, and give thanks.  Give thanks for the many blessings that we have in our lives.  We give thanks for a life of faith and love.  We can share with God what is on our hearts, share our pain and fears. We can pray for others, for the world and all in need.   We can ask God to use us in a way that best serves the world.

In Joan Chittisters book, The Monastery of the Heart, she writes of obedience, a very hard word for many.  

"We must obey God, the Rule of Benedict says, 

with the good gifts which are in us-

with all the good, all the love,

all the talent, all the wisdom, 

all the care, all the concentration, 

all the abandon of soul

that is in us. 

We must obey the voices of life

that are being drowned out

around us

but are, nevertheless, 

heard by God always.

These are the voices that 

call to us to obey 

the needs of the world,

the cry of the poor."  

When Mother Teresa talks about being a pencil that God may use to write a love letter to the world, I wonder if we are only able to do that when we connect with all the good, all the love, all the talent, all the wisdom and care that is within us.  All that is God's gift to us.  Perhaps obedience to God becomes listening and living into the light, strength and compassion that is who God needs us to be.  

Today as we are reminded how fragile and sacred the world is, let us not let messages that limit Gods grace and power diminish us.  Let us remember that we are a loving and vibrant people.  We are a people that all have a story, our own story and yet one we all share.  

"God of Life, happy are all who trust in you!"

Yesterday was a day of twists and turns, a day of surprises and unexpected moments of grace.  I had done some work in the office, spent time at a meeting and then decided I needed to go to Staples for a desk light.  Before I go on, let me be clear, I did not need to go to Staples and I found out I didn't need a desk light.  In retrospect, I wanted to take a drive with the dog and listen to my book in the car.  Relax and free my brain up a bit.

I am here to tell you that the Staples in Rochester no longer carries desk lights.  Who knew?  That seemed like a no brainer to me.  But as each day goes by and I become a day older, I come to know more deeply that what I consider obvious to me is often not reality for others.  What I did come to believe that I was meant to run into a young man that works there.  In my disbelief that there were no desk lights I asked for assistance.

As we began to look throughout the store for these lights he began to tell me his story.  He sells baseball cards and he too needs a light on his desk.  Actually, he is legally blind and is 5 or 6 years free of a brain tumor.  With a big smile and exuding joy, he looked up at me and said, "you wouldn't have guessed, huh? "

Before you picture me being drawn into this story with interest or enthusiasm, let me set you straight.  Sometimes with God's help I am able to act in a loving and appropriate way, when inside my head, I am thinking, " Hello, I'm glad your happy and well, but I just want my light and really don't want to hear another story today."  We continued to walk and it had already become clear that there were no lights in the store.  I thanked him very much for his help and thanked him for sharing his story and wished him a great day.  I turned to the right and began looking at something else.

Approaching on my left is my new friend.  He stopped and began the story in full detail, beginning in 2007.  I am now thinking, this man is full of joy, he is telling me his story of grace and healing, I am supposed to be hearing this story.  Listen, be still, honor the story.  Telling on myself again, while I am thinking these things I am also thinking, I just wanted to come in and shop, by myself, looking at whatever I want, taking as long as I want.  My new friend looks at me with joy and gratitude and says, " I believe in having a good attitude and being kind, life is very short and I am grateful.  If you ever think telling my story could help anyone, go for it.  That's what I do."

God's unrelenting love for me is the very place that I find hope and solace.  Even on the days when I am not wanting to hear it.  Even on the days when I think my "God" time would never be in Staples, I am surprised.

Later in the afternoon, I was surprised by another work related issue.  One of the sayings that many of us have heard is, "If you want to make God laugh, tell God your plans.".  I learned years ago to pray for God's will to be done, not mine.  The task of course is to step back, be present in our lives and look for God in the most unexpected places.  Yesterday, God told me a story of hope, healing and joy in Staples, in Rochester, NH. Yesterday, God showed me how we can "do" church in the world in ways that surprise and startle others.  Even those of us that profess to be faithful.

During this period of Lent I continue to pray for God's help and guidance in my life.  I am working on being present in my body, by eating well, most of the time, by picking up the piano again and by doing some piece of art on a regular basis.  The above is a piece I did this morning.  It is a method called Zentangling.  It is a form of doodling and meditation.  I find it very soothing and centering.  I will put the website in the resourse section to the right.

Below is an interpretation of Psalm 84, written by Joan Chittister.  I read this before I began to draw and after I finished.  I offer it to you on this day.

Psalm 84
How lovely is your dwelling place, God of Life.
I am longing and yearning, yearning for your presence.
My whole being cries out to you; to you, the living God.

Even the sparrows find a home
and the swallows, a nest for their young
As for me, I search for you,
God of Life, Eternal One.

All who dwell in your presence forever sing your praise.
The hearts of all whose strength is in you
are set on Zion’s path.

As they make their way through the valley of bitterness,
They make it a place of running springs.
The early autumn rains cloth it with blessings,
they walk with ever growing strength.
They will see you, God of Zion;
God of life, hear my prayer; listen, God of Israel.

Turn to us, God, our refuge;
look on the face of your anointed.

One day within your house
is better than a thousand without you.
The threshold of your house
I prefer to the dwellings of the wicked.

You are our source of strength.
You give us your favor and glory.
You will not refuse any good
to all who walk in sincerity.

God of Life, happy are all who trust in you!

Birthing something new

"Be not lax in celebrating. 

Be not lazy in the festive service of God. 

Be ablaze with enthusiasm.

Let us be alive, burning offering before the altar of God. "

     Hildegard of Bingen

The wind is howling outside, the windows shake and the tress bend back and forth.  On this cold February day I find myself blessed with a warm home, shelter from the storm and the wisdom of God's love in my heart. 

Lent 1 is upon us and I find myself leaning into the idea that God is birthing something new.  This is not just in my own life, but in the life of the church and those seeking to be in relationship with God.  More and more we are talking about how we are able to bring the gifts and blessings that many of us find in church out into the world.  

I have often found myself believing that I needed to temper my enthusiasm for God, temper my joy and passion for the love, hope and life that I know to be present on the path of faith.  Each of us are created to be exactly the person God needs us to be.  We are created in the image of love, compassion and hope.  We are created extroverts, introverts, we are created as artists, musicians, we are created and called to justice, peace and the well being of the world, the environment, the other.  But, most of all we are created to be the living reminder that God is alive and present in the world around us.  

In the book, A Season for the Spirit" Martin Smith writes:

"If it is the Spirit of Jesus within us we will be able to recognize two movements: 

1. We will experience the Father moving to embrace us; 'you are my beloved Son, you are my beloved daughter.  
2. We will be impelled to embrace the suffering world in compassion.  The Spirit of Jesus moves us as it moved him, to identify ourselves with a broken world and to bring it within the reconciling embrace of God.   Intimacy with God, identification with the fallen creatures of God, always both.  "  

We gather in communities of faith to share the sacred story and be reminded how we are called to enter into it yet again, on this day, in this time.  We also gather to take Jesus in, to receive the grace and healing that we are called to take out to the world.  This cannot be possible or remain relevant if we spend more time trying to preserve a structure than remembering what brings us there in the first place.  

"Most of us have a primary defense mechanism against being overwhelmed by the pain of the world and our own pain.  The price we pay is that it also numbs our capacity for joy, but until we surrender to the spirit of God we reckon the price is worth it.  The strongest sign of the Spirit working within us is simply that the anesthetic  begins to wear off. "  Martin Smith

Loving God with our whole hearts, minds and souls is a powerful and very disruptive thing to do.  Often we love the prayers of peace and comfort, they are true and wonderful.  But with that peace and comfort comes the knowledge that we are not alone, we are called to be there for each other.  Our fear and insecurity causes us to want to hold on to what we have, to ward off anything that feels different or new.  And yet, life, death and resurrection is the core of the story we live. 

God is always causing new life to be brought forth.  God yearns for the excitement and vibrant energy that comes with new beginnings.  God also knows deeply the grief of loss.  God knows of our fear that new life will not come, or that it will be scary and uncomfortable.  God knows that to have faith we must walk through the unknowing.  God knows your fear and is there.  

As we enter this new day, with the wind blowing around us, let us wonder what God is stirring up in us this day.  You are God's Beloved Child.  The Good news is for all of us, everywhere, in every corner of the world, those known and unknown.  How is the Spirit working in you on this day?  

" Spirit who filled Jesus, no wonder I shy away from the mystery of your indwelling!  The moment I consent to your living and moving in me, and trust you, the numbness I have relied on to get through life begins to wear off.  Give me the faith to be vulnerable to the joy the Father has in me through my union with Jesus the Beloved.  Give me the courage to share the pain of the world which is so far from it's home and centre, the Living God.  Amen

From; "A Season for the  Spirit" , Martin Smith

All things will be made new.

"Knowing and sharing earth's pain may be a precondition for knowing and
feeling the depth of God's love."    Walter J. Harrelson

What seems like many years ago now, I was in Seminary.  This was a time in life that was full of growth, self awareness, rebirth and tremendous loss.  The path for all of us is a winding and lonely one sometimes.  When we see new life and healing on the horizon, we often forget the loss and grief that scatters the trail ahead.

During one particularly dark period a wonderful and gifted friend shared with me the healing and comfort she found in the arts.  One that was particularly helpful to her was that of mosaics.  The picture that I share above is the first piece I ever did.  She lead me through the process and allowed me to experience the coming together of broken pieces.

My first assignment was to go find a piece of something, preferably wood, that I wanted to work on.  There was renovation happening on campus and the dumpster was full of scrape wood.  As I approached the big green metal box, I noticed that the cover was far from able to close, as it was so full.  Sticking out of the side was this piece of wood, one I could easily carry and one that was not damaged. This would be the foundation of the work.

In the Book of Common Prayer that is used in the Episcopal Church there is a collect that will forever be my favorite.

"O God of unchangeable power and eternal light:  Look favorably on your whole Church, that wonderful and sacred mystery; by the effectual working of your providence, carry out in tranquility the plan of salvation; let the whole world see and know that things which were cast down are being raised up, and things which had grown old are being made new, and that all things are being brought to their perfection by him through whom all things were made, your Son Jesus Christ our Lord; who lives and reigns with you, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen." 

As I slowly pulled this piece of wood from the dumpster, I knew that somehow, all things were being made new.  I trudged back to the studio and presented my find.  It was graciously accepted.  I was next given a bag of glass tiles, some newspaper and a hammer.  "Go outside, wrap the bag in the newspaper and smash the pieces with the hammer to break up the tiles."  This seemed easy enough.  There was a concrete ledge outside the studio.  I carefully wrapped my bag in newspaper and began to lift the hammer and brought it down with a very satisfying thud.  This was just the beginning.  I loved smashing those tiles.  My guess is I forgot the tiles and just got such satisfaction from releasing the anger, from feeling powerful, from feeling alive, that it took on a life of it's own.  At some point I stopped and unwrapped the bag.  Dust.  I can't help but think of the Ash Wednesday Liturgy, "Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return."  Dust was all that was left.  

Gathering my supplies and putting them under my arm, I slowly returned to the studio and showed my guide what I had done.  With a wonderful and very loving expression, she handed me another bag of tiles and suggested I go try again.  I must have needed to do that, but that maybe this time I could bring back some pieces.  This was when I began to know that we were doing far more than creating art.  With God's help and a wonderful guide, I was going to find a way to piece my life back together.  

We are just leaving Epiphany and the celebration of the light.  Even in the dark times I have come to know that God is there with us.  Perhaps the light is just beyond our sight, perhaps all we can see is a shadow.  But in that dumpster and with dust and eventually pieces of glass, together came a cross that at it's center was God's light and love.  We seldom know where that is going to lead us, we seldom know how the pieces will look.  But at the center is the light.  

After sitting peacefully at a table, creating a shape and placing the broken pieces in glue, I could see it coming together.  I came to love the work that was before me.  As in so many things in life, the next stage was waiting.  Waiting for it to dry and become stable.  I packed my bags up, thanked my guide for that time and promised to be back the next week.  Life was calling me back and I felt far more prepared to enter it.  

The next week, I discovered to my horror what the next step was.  Entering the studio was fun and exciting.  I was looking forward to visiting the work and enter the next step.  I was given a pile of dust, told to add water to it until it was just the right constancy and come back.  The grout was funny stuff, but I got it to a point where I believed it to be good.  Off I went, back to my guide.  Now, with gloves on I was to completely cover my work with this goop.  What!  What if it ruined it, What if I didn't like it afterward, What if???  The grouts job is to bring all the pieces together, to be the very thing that makes it all one.  To use it most effectively, the original piece must disappear and something new will emerge. Letting go, trusting my guide, trusting the process, letting go. 

With my hands I began to dump piles of this goop on my art, I began to cover the light and color so that it could not be seen anymore.  Smooth it all over, be sure that no spot is forgotten, no crevasse left unfilled.  It was to stay this way for a little while, but eventually I was to take it to the sink, wash away the residue of the grout.  I was to only leave what was needed to make the piece complete.  As the cloth moved over the surface, the light began to show through, color surfaced.  As what was not needed feel away, it became clear that something truly had been made new.  

I keep this piece, not because it is a magnificent piece of art.  This work reflects the path that is our life with God.  We are all called to those hard and painful places.  There are times of darkness and times of tremendous light.  Life is often lived in the middle.  

When I reflect on this piece, I am reminded that I continue to be called to trust God, to let go, to trust whatever process is present in my life today, to surround myself with wise guides and companions, and to know, really know, that all things will be made new.  

Peace

Where do we find peace?  This is a picture of my dog Riley as he sleeps with his head on my knitting bag.  In my imagination I am running around trying to be productive and get things done.  Perhaps getting caught up on emails, phone calls or chores around the house.

It is a Tuesday.    Where is God in my day?  God is everywhere.  How easy it is in the everyday stuff of life to forget, to feel alone.  God is everywhere, here, there, in the questions, in the answers, but most of all in those times of peace.

"May the light of your soul guide you.
May the light of your soul bless the work
you do with the secret love and warmth of your heart.
May you see in what you do the beauty of your own soul.
Maya the sacredness of your work bring healing, light an renewal to those
who work with you and to those who see and receive your work.
May your work never weary you.
May it release within you wellsprings of refreshment, inspiration and excitement.
May you be present in what you do.
May you never become lost in the bland absences.
May the day never burden you.
May dawn find you awake and alert approaching your new day with dreams.
Possibilities and promises.
May evening find you gracious and fulfilled
May you go into the night blessed, sheltered and protected.
May your soul calm, console and renew you.  "

Amen  John O'Donohue

May you know peace that is God, and the passion that is fire.

Epiphany is approaching.  The kings are traveling across many miles to see what is actually happening.  They are following a star.  As I have said so many times before, John O'Donohue often puts to words things I didn't even know my soul was trying to speak.  As we begin this new year, may you  know the peace that is God and the passion that is fire.  I offer this prayer by John O'Donohue.

May the light of you soul guide you.

May the light of your soul bless the work

you do with the secret love and warmth of your heart. 

May you see in what you do the beauty of your own soul. 

May the sacredness of your work bring healing, light and renewal to those who work with you and to those who see and receive your work.  

May your work never weary you. 

May it release within you wellsprings of refreshment, inspiration and excitement.  

May you be present in what you do. 

May you never become lost in the bland absences.  

May the day never burden you. 

May dawn find you awake and alert, approaching your new day with dreams, possibilities and promises. 

May evening find you gracious and fulfilled. 

May you go into the night blessed, sheltered and protected.  

May your soul calm, console and renew you.  

Amen.