What is growing beneath the surface?

It is a cold, snowy January morning here in New Hampshire.  As the snow settles a peace comes over the land.  Each step makes a squeeking sound as it touchs the earth.  The whilte blanket that covers the ground still looks pristine.  This will not last long.  Soon footprints of many sizes, shapes and varities will mark the canvas.  Rain that is expected later in the day may take some of it away, or at the very least change the texture and appearance. 

As this new year begins we are invited into a time or wondering, wandering and prayer.  What new life lives beneath the cold and ice?  What new life is being born in us this day?  This prayer from John O"Donohue is one I offer up as a tool for reflection. 

"For A New Beginning"

In out-of -the-way places of the heart,

Where your thoughts never think to wander, 

This beginning has been quietly forming,

Waiting until you were ready to emerge. 

For a long time it has watched your desire, 

Feeling the emptiness growing inside you, 

Noticing how you willed yourself on, 

Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.

It watched you play iwth the seduction of safety 

And the gray promises that sameness whispered,

Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,

Wondered would you always live like this. 

Then the delight, when your courage kindled, 

and out you stepped onto new ground, 

Your eyes young again with energy and dream, 

A path of plenitude opening before you. 

Though your destination is not yet clear 

You can trust the promise of this opening;

Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning 

That is at one with your life's desire. 

Awaken your spirit to adventure;

Hold nothig back, learn to find ease in risk;

Soon you will be home in new rhythn, 

For your sould senses the world that awaits you.   

From the book:  To Bless the Space Between Us, Joh O'Donohue

Our Body as Gift

"Through running we learn about succeeding and failing, about reaching pasts the probable and accomplishing the impossible.  The struggle to find one's potential as a runner is the most frustratingly satisfying pursuit that many of us never undertake.

Running is the greatest teacher  there is.  Running is a kind but insistent instructor.  It listens but doesn't compromise.

What you learn is often determined by what you need to know.  If you think you're weak, you will learn that you are strong.  If you think you are indestructible, you will learn that you are fragile.

In the end, though, you will learn that you are human.  You are no more and no less than all those who are learning their lessons as you learn yours."

John, Bingham, Jenny Hadfield

As I look back over my life, I  have had a love - hate relationship with exercise.  Growing up we lived in a place that allowed us to be very active.  We had sports fields in our back yard, tennis courts, access to basketball courts and weight rooms.  We lived on the campus of a private school and my dad was in the administration there.

This summer was a time of reflection.  As I sit here this day looking back at the young girl that I was, I feel very sad.  She was very lonely and insecure. Recently I had the opportunity to talk to my sister in law about working out and just general issues of staying fit.  My brother had just recently told her that I was the athlete in the family.  It never ceases to amaze me how we perceive ourselves is seldom how others see us.  As  I shared with her,  in my minds eye, he and my brother were the jocks in the family.

Riding my bike was freedom.  Putting my things in my backpack, waving goodbye, getting on my light blue 10 speed and speeding out the driveway was bliss to me.  I felt the strength in my legs.  But most importantly I was free of all the stress and demands that were in my house.  I could choose which road to take.  I could choose how fast or how slow to go.  One of my favorite things was the feeling of letting go of the handle bars and riding without holding on.  My back straight and strong, my head high and the wind blowing through my hair.

Playing tennis was one of the things that I could do either with a friend or by myself.  There was a large brick wall in the back of the school that many of us would use to bat tennis balls against.  Someone drew the height of the net on the bricks with chalk.  I would spend hours there, by myself hitting the balls.  It felt great when the racket and ball would connect.  I felt strong and clear.  It was a place that I could put all the energy, anger and frustration.  In those days I knew nothing about the struggles that were haunting me, this was my life.

Sometime during our adolescence someone put up a basketball hoop in our yard.  My brothers and I would go out and shoot hoops a lot.  I remember playing HORSE for hours.  It used to drive my mother crazy, she never understood why a girl wanted to do that and why I wanted to do it so often.

The stillness under the water is the most amazing thing.  Swimming was always important to me and something that I was good at.  Even today, I love the feeling of laying in the water, floating and having my ears under the water, quiet, still, peace.

This past october I realized that I was so out of shape that I couldn't stand it anymore.  I found myself looking around and people were doing all these fun and interesting things and I was sitting, watching TV, knitting, reading, or shopping.  And of course eating.  None of these things are bad or wrong. I still enjoy each of them.  But since then I have embarked on a program of wight loss and fitness.  I feel so much better and am down 26 lbs.

My largest barrier today are the messages that I have in my head.  I want to believe that I am good enough, that what I do is good enough.  I want to claim the part of me that is athletic.  I want to feel good in my body and know that I am strong and fit.


As we enter this new year it is important not just to make New Years resolutions, but to reflect on all the gifts God has given us.  How are we using the gift that is our body?  How are we taking care of the vessel that carries us around, allows us to be in this world?  Where are those places that we could give back to God by taking better care of who we are?  


"What you learn is often determined by what you need to know.  If you think you're weak, you will learn that you are strong.  If you think you are indestructible, you will learn that you are fragile.

In the end, though, you will learn that you are human.  You are no more and no less than all those who are learning their lessons as you learn yours."  Jenny Hadfield


Gracious God, thank you for the blessing of my healthy body.  Thank you for the ability to move, to run and to play.  Help me to rejoice in the gift you have given me, Help me to rejoice and claim myself as an active person.  Gracious God, thank you for the gift of exercise in my life and all that is has and will continue to give me.  Amen.

In Your LIght

In Your Light

God, Thank-you for my life of love and joy,

triumphs and defeats. 

Thank-you for my quiet time today, 

and my desire for it. 

Thank-you for the magical temple of your creation, 

Earth, Sun, Sky and Sea.

God, help me to honor that little child

that lives within me today. 

Help me to love her as she 

waits longingly for my attention. 

Help me with unconditional love and 

tolerance as I learn my lessons. 

God, Help me to remember your presence at the 

times I want to give up. 

Help me to remember the sparkle in her eyes, 

the flecks of light in her hair, and the love 

in her heart. 

Help me to love her, as I am able to love others. 

Help me to see the God within me, as I 

am able to see God in others. 

Help me to not abandon her with all her might

and glory, all her spunk and laughter. 

Help me to not leave the child alone. 

Help me to hold and nurture her. 

Help me to love her in the 

light of you today. 

Help her to dance and play

in the warmth of your love today. 

Help her to not feel the fear, 

But feel your love and light 

as it shines on her. 

Help her to feel the warmth of the rays from the sun, 

the strokes of the wind, 

the music in the sky and the rhythm from the sea. 

Help her to know she is a precious and 

joyful gift of your creation. 

Help me to honor and have patience

with the woman who brings her to you. 

Help me to turn to you in times of pain and struggle, 

for strength and courage, as well and solace and peace.  

God, Help me dance to the music 

in my heart today. 

Help me to shine in the light

of you today.  

Help me to be a beacon to those lost 

in their journey. 

Help me to love myself and others

in the light of you today. 

Help me to live in the truth 

of your will and to continue to 

have the desire to see it. 

Help me to continue to listen 

to you with the intensity of my desires.

Help me feel the presence of your love 

and guidance today. 

Help me to take as good care 

of myself as I do others. 

Help me to be as patient with myself

as I am with others.  

With all my love and joy, gifts and imperfections, thank-you for my path, and my awareness of it.  Thank-you for letting me be part of your beautiful creation, the Universe.  

Amen

Reverend Sue Poulin,  2000

Birthing New LIfe

"Beholding his glory is only half our job.  In our souls too the mysteries must be brought forth; we are not really Christians till that has been done."The eternal birth," says Eckhart, "must take place in you."  And another mystic says human nature is like a stable inhabited by the ox of passion and the ass of prejudice; animals which take up a lot of room and which I suppose most of us are feeding on the quiet.  And it is there between them, pushing them out, that Christ must be born and in their  very manger he must be laid-and they will be the first to fall on their knees before him.  Sometimes Christians seem far nearer to those animals than to Christ in his simple poverty, self-abandoned to God."    Evelyn Underhill

The birth of this divine presence must take place in us.  How does that happen?  Have we been aware of it happening in the past?  How is it happening today?

  Birthing is a messy, loud, disruptive process.  Women that have given birth will tell you that it has changed their lives.  Not just because of the child that came into the world, but also because of the transformation that takes place in their bodies.  A woman can prepare for delivery, take classes, learn to breath, bring the right music and choose a picture that can help focus in times of transition.  Many of these tools work at different times.  Sometimes I think the primary function of this preparation is to give us something to do, some action we will be able to take, that we will have some control.  Ah, but when the time comes, how much control do we really have?

 New life comes into the world on most occasions after being pushed through a very small space.  At random times thunder shudders through the body and movement is the only remedy.  Push, use every bit of strength that you didn't even know you had to move life.

  Imagine being in the safest, warmest, most comfortable place possible.  Imagine being all curled up, warm water surrounds you, all your needs are met without any thought or action needed on your part.  Imagine coming into this world.  The light is bright, the air is cold, and everything is so loud.

  New life comes to us when we are stripped of all our defenses, of all the ways we protect ourselves.  God calls us to grow and move though out all the days of our lives.  We are called to live in this very bright, loud and busy world.  The good news is that our eyes become accustomed to the light, our ears adapt to the noise and we become part of the world we come into.  But perhaps we forget that we are able to change and grow?  Maybe we forget that with each new challenge God calls us to, we are not alone.

  New life is a messy, loud and very disruptive process.  Kicking and screaming are intricate parts of new life.  Giving up control happens one way or the other.

 How is it that we are resisting the new life that God is wanting to birth in us?  How are we trying to hold on to the warm safe place that we live. Even if that warmth and safety are the result of knowing and familiarity.

  "Father, we give you thanks for these heavenly gifts.  Kindle us with the fire of your spirit that when Christ coms again we may shine as light before his face; who is alive and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God now and forever.  Amen. "  Book of Common Prayer, Church of Ireland, pg. 243

"Conversations with Mary"

"The Annunciation: Conversations with Mary"
-Fredrica Harris Thompsett, PhD

Mary, we've landed on your feast!  Help us, we beseech thee, find common voice with you and with one another.

Mary, theotokos, God-bearer, help us travel with our humor and our pain as we seek to be God-bearers in our own day!

Mary, Sweet Mother have we traveled this far only to be put in places where we are "acceptable," places were we "fit" as long as we "are seen but not heard"?

Ah Mary, surely you know that reality all too well, the one about learning "in silence with full submission".(1 Timothy 2:11)!

Blessed Mary, if we can hear your voice anew, perhaps we can learn to challenge those in our own day who fear and distrust women.

Mary, Mother of Mercy, help us shed our placid timidity!

Mary, Co-Redeemer, you give birth to a new humanity and a new community born of suffering and of undefeated hope.  Help us embrace new life.

Mary, Mother of Compassion, have we forgotten you said "Yes!" to the liberation of oppressed peoples?

Mary, Mother Bird with a mature womb and hope-filled wings, push us out of the warm nest, help us fly onward and outward!

Mary, Sister and Mother, teach us to proclaim hope amid the reality of aching pain.

Holy Mary, are not we ourselves the God-bearers of this age:  women stepping forward together and saying "Yes!"  Let it be with us according to your word(Luke 1:38)

*Information about the Annunciation: The Annunciation, also referred to as the Annunciation to the Blessed Virgin Mary or Annunciation of the Lord, is the christian celebration of the announcement by the angel Gabriel to Virgin Mary, that she would conceive and become the mother of Jesus the Son of God. Gabriel told Mary to name her son Jesus, meaning "Savior". Many Christians observe this event with the Feast of the Annunciation on 25 March, nine full months before Christmas. According to Luke 1;26, the Annunciation to Mary occurred "in the sixth month" of Elisabeth's pregnancy with the child later called John the Baptist.

Waiting

Waiting is not something that many of us are good at.  As americans we are used to the immediate gratification of fast food, instant apps, drive thru coffee, buying a book on your phone or computer and any of the many ways we do not have to wait.

Making room for God is by it's very design a process.  It is personal to each of us and God calls us each by name.  What do we miss when we don't allow ourselves to wait, to anticipate, or ultimately feel the unbridled joy of receiving?

How is God calling you to wait?  What are the places in your life that feel restless?  Perhaps feelings of resentment, jealousy or envy creep into the recess of your mind and heart.  Maybe fear manifests itself as insecurity, control or self sabotage.  Each of us has experienced these different things at times in our lives.  Advent is a time to reflect on the many blessings that we have, to sit in the waiting and dare to dream.  Share your dreams with God, allow yourself to pause, breath and wonder.  Where is God calling you to change your life?

Waiting.....Is there an app for that?  I don't think so and for that we can all be very greatful.  What are your dreams?  God is waiting......

"God did a good job today"

Each of us has things in our lives that we know we have to do, but hate.  For some of us there are good reasons, and for others they are just not things any of  us like.  Going to the dentist is one of those things for me.  My struggle with this aspect of self care is of no relevance here.  What does cause me to pause is my experience yesterday.  


Meeting with my dentist was not something that I was in anyway looking forward to.  I am in the process of making some serious decisions about work that needs to be done. This will affect me physically and financially.  Avoidance is no longer an option.  So I entered this office with fear and trepidation.  


This man is a person of tremendous faith and sees his work as a ministry.  He couldn't wait to tell me about his experience with his son this past weekend.  My prayers have been and continue to be, that God will help me with my fear and give me courage where I feel none.  God reveals Gods self when we least expect it, or maybe when we are watching and listening.  The first thing I heard as we began our meeting was this story. 


This father and son were skiing at Bretton Woods ski area.  As they rode up the chair lift they could see the mountain range as it surrounded them.  Their turn came to ski off the lift and prepare to ski down the mountain.  The first big run of the year.  The 5 year old looks up at his father and says, "God did a great job today!"  As dad recounts the story, he stops and took a deep breath, paused and said, "Yes, he did!"  Given the fact that it is 2011, he took out his iphone and asked his son to pose so that he could remember this moment.  


God revels Gods self in places and in ways we cannot imagine.  It is our job to pay attention.  To stop and pause, to take a deep breath and say Yes, Thanks be to God.  The rest of the appointment went fine and God will, as God always does walk with me through this.  


The song, Mary, sung by Patty Griffin reminds us of Mary is such beautiful ways.  We are also reminded of Jesus as child, as son, as the Divine that sacrificed all for us.  As this time in Advent we are called to remember Mary and her sacrifice for us.  She to was the parent of a young child, a child that reminded her and continues to remind all of us that God is with us and that it is in fact, all very good.