What does it look like from the foot of the cross?

Prior to the leading the"Stations of the Cross" service last night I sat, candles lit, music on, and looked around.  Hanging above my head was a large cross. It hangs from the beams of our sanctuary.  On the cross is the Crucified Christ.  The traditional name for this would  be a Crucifix.  A thin veil made of purple fabric has been placed over it.  The candles lit, the music on, and I looked up. 

The Stations of the Cross is a service where we are led through a series of readings and prayers.  Each is said in conjunction with an image that depicts the artists image of that aspect of the story.  There is silence, the sanctuary is dimly lit, and the words and image are the focal point.  

In the Episcopal Church we most often see an empty cross.  A central tenant to our faith is that we believe that Christ was crucified for us, that he was sacrificed for our sins.  We believe that through this sacrifice we are forgiven.  In the Nicene Creed that we say each week, we say, "For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate; He suffered death and was buried.  On the third day he rose again in accordance with the Scriptures; he ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father."

It has always been really important to me that the suffering was for a reason.  That does not mean I believe we need to suffer to grow, although I must admit the times I have grown the most there has been suffering involved.  For the me the empty cross means that Christ suffered for me, that I am not called to do that to myself.  A wise spiritual director told me earlier this year that he used something in his prayer life that had changed him.  He suggested I think about it. "Lord, let me not be an insturment of my own oppression."  

What does it look like at the foot of the cross?  

"Metanoia is the turning of all mind and hearts to God in preparation for the celebration of the Paschal mystery in which some will for the first time receive the light of Christ, others will be restored to the communion of the faithful, and all will renew their baptismal consecration of their lives to God, in Christ." 
Thomas Merton

Holy week is a time to remember.  How are we turning our hearts and mind to God?  HOw has that grown or changed?  What is it like to walk the lonely journey with Jesus?  

Sitting at the foot of the cross has meant so many different things to me over the years I don't know how to write about it yet.  What I do know is that it has become more and more important.  Today I am committed to continuing the discipline of walking this path.  Today I feel the craving of wanting language to express what it all means to me.  Today I know that Jesus dropping of the cross, picking it up again, and walking along means more to me than just a fable.  Why?  How would you explain this to the unchurched?   

Gracious God, Thank you for the blessing of more questions than answers.  Thank you for heath and healing.  Thank you for the ability to turn toward you over and over again.  Thank you for always being there.  Amen 

Passion Week

"The mysteries of the liturgical cycle not only bring new out pourings of the salvific waters of grace: they also enlighten our minds with insights into the ways of God, ever ancient and ever new.  They teach us more of Christ, they show us more of the meaning of our life in Him, they make us grow in Him.  Indeed, the liturgy is the great school of Christian living and the transforming force which reshapes our souls and our characters in the likeness of Christ."  

    Thomas Merton,
Seasons of Celebration

Liturgy is one of those things that I knew spoke to me long  before I had any language or concepts as to why.  I came back to church as a grown woman, seeking a larger community of faith and a specifically christian one. 

God has always been a very strong presence in my life.  As children I believe that we experience the divine as normal.  We know that it is a part of the way we make meaning of the world around us.  It is not confined to a specific denomination or set of doctrines, it is a pure source of love and life.  The young ask more questions about "Why".  They are less apt. to say "no", that's not possible, or" no" that is to scary, or "no", that's just not "right".  For many children in the world today they are struggling with abuse, starvation, lack of education and so much more.  Yet, there are so many stories of grace filled moments where these very souls are able to rise from the ashes of this horror and teach us the real stories of strength, courage and grace.  They tell us the real stories of resurrection.

Liturgy provides us with a framework to reflect on the life of Jesus and the how that intersects with our own.  It provides us with a template for  a life of faith. 

Years ago when I was lost and floundering, I looked to many things outside myself to give me solace and peace.  I wanted to feel worthy and have some sense of direction.  Regardless of those around me that loved me, I was unable to come to that place of knowing, unable to take a deep breath, until I stopped and turned to God and asked for help.  I was unable to hear the words of wise and loving people until I was able to open my heart and ears to God.  Holy Week reminds me of that place each year.  

Jesus walked a lonely path.  He walked a journey that without his relationship with God and his faith in that God, would have been so hollow.   This week we are called to walk that lonely journey with Jesus,  But we are also called to remember those times in our lives when we felt lost and alone, when we wernn't sure if this really was the right thing.  We are called to follow Jesus footsteps to the cross and listen.  Listen, what is God wanting so much to tell you?  

It is also important to say that there may be those of you our there that are there at this very minute.  Know that Jesus is carrying this cross for you too.  Know that this journey is done over and over again, so that you too can come to know the power and love of this all knowing God.  Know that you are not alone.  Walk the journey and listen...


For centuries and over many different traditions storytelling has been a way that people enter into their lives and come to know themselves better.  It is often through others that we can best know who we are.  Live the life of Jesus this week.  Listen to the story as though it was your first time.  Listen..  What is God telling you?  


Today I give thanks for that young girl and her childlike faith.  I give thanks for a God that is every present and all loving.  Today I give thanks for the story that continues to change who I am and how I serve.  Today I give thanks for the faith that has sustained me even in my darkest hours and even when I could not feel it.  I give thanks.  Amen

Today

Then Mary said, "Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word." Then the angel departed from her.  Luke 1:38

In the Episcopal Church there are readings for each day, we call it the Daily Office.  Today is the Day we think and reflect on the Annunciation. One of the tools I like to use for daily prayer, especially if I find myself very busy in the morning is to look at the reading from a booklet called "Day by Day."  Forward Movement is an official, non-profit agency of The Episcopal Church. Since 1935 they have published the quarterly devotional Forward Day by Day, as well as pamphlets, booklets, and books to encourage and nourish people in their lives of prayer and faith. Their mission is to reinvigorate the Episcopal Church day by day.  We are lucky enough to have them free for all in the Narthex of our church.  The Daughters of the King provide them for us as a form of prayerful support. 

"Here am I servant of the Lord, do with me according to your word."

This morning I am reading the reflection on this and wondering what it must have been like for Mary.  What must it have been like for a young girl, possibly around the age of 16.  We know that the world was a very different place, women were not held in high regard and one's faith could be a dangerous thing.  We also know that she and Joseph were engaged, but not married, and surely were not supposed to have been intimate.  This whole story is scandalous.  

Yet, today we are reminded of a young woman that is visited by the angel Gabriel, he tells her not be afraid.  Hello, an angel is visiting you, it is written in a way that we are to believe she saw the angel.  In scripture each time an angel appears they ask us to not be afraid.  I don't know about you, but I would be afraid from the very beginning of this experience. 

Fear is one of those things that is very different for all of us.  I do not consider myself a person that is consumed by fear, or even aware of it a lot.  But I do know that when I am looking at doing something new, when I am being called out of my comfort zone, I am afraid.  We are given this feeling as a way to know to be cautious.  As we travel this journey of faith, one of the most important elements of that for me is the growing knowledge of who I am and how I can best serve the world around me.  It is always a big mistake to believe I can do or be something that I"m not.  I also think I have a better sense of that at the age I am today, as opposed to when I was 16.  

God calls each of us in different ways, at different times, and with varied people.  We are each visited by angels in our midst.  I am grateful that for me at this point they come in the form of a warm and loving parishioner, a colleague that knows me well enough to give me something to think about, a friend that reminds me of what's really important or my children, who never let me forget the core of who I am.  

In my minds eye, I see Mary sitting there, hearing the words of Gabriel and taking a deep breath.  You will be with child, the child will be the son of God.  Your life as you know it has changed.  Don't worry, people won't understand, they will think shameful things of you and Joseph, but don't worry.  You will travel many miles, it will be a long and treacherous road.  When you reach your destination there will be no room for you to stay and you will give birth in a barn.  But, please, don't be afraid.  

Mary looks up with confidence and grace.  She looks up with the naivete of 16 years of life and says, ok!  Here I am, I am here to do your will.  Help me be the instrument that you most need me to be. 

Today I am reminded of how important faith is in my life.  What a wonderful and amazing story, and yet, what would I have done?  We are each called to be the people God needs us to be.  God knows who we are and how we live.  As I look back over my life, I can see times and places where I had a strong sense of where and what God was calling me to do , what God's will not mine would be.  There are times, when my response was Thanks, but........  The good news is that I can also look over the past and see many times when I could hear and see God's will for me. I was able with God's help, the support of people and the  life that was forming around me, to live out God's will, not mine.  For me this is a daily prayer, one that I am able to do more effectively on some days than others.  But today I am reminded that when I am able to let go and trust  God, my life will have the meaning and purpose I crave. 

This is the collect for March 25.  Let us remember Mary today, Let us give thanks for her life and sacrifice.  Let us use her faith as an example of who we can be today.  

 Pour your grace into our hearts, O Lord, that we who have known the incarnation of your Son Jesus Christ, announced by an angel to the Virgin Mary, may by his cross and passion be brought to the glory of his resurrection; who lives and reigns with you, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.

Frustration

Wow, I can't tell you how long I have spent trying to get his technology to do what I wanted it to.  What happens when you think you have finally figured something out and just when you start to feel confident, a new twist?  Well, for me it takes many times to walk away, to take a deep breath and try to let go.  The challenge of course it that then I sit down and begin again.  By that I mean, I want to be able to move on.  I want to be content with not getting my way.  After many years of practice, I least know this is what would be a good approach.  Yet within minutes, I am back at the computer, back on the web, back trying to upload something to somewhere.  It seems so attainable to me in moment, and yet, because it seems to me there must be some small thing that I am missing, I must try one more time.

How do we get in our own way?  Today has been one of those days when there have been many details dealt with.  Today has been a good and productive day.  I have my health, most of  my sanity, and am blessed with many great people in my life.

At this point in my day I am here to let you know that I finally was able to let go of the project I was working on.  It is at this point in my day that I am reminded of an old friend that used to say that anyone could start their day over again.

In starting my day over again, I picked up the book:  Benedict's Way, by Lonni Collins Pratt and Father Daniel Homan, OSB

God often leads me to a book and then somehow in God's wonder I open to the very page I most need to read.  Let me share with you what I opened up to.

" Joy isn't something that simply happens to us.  Joy is a decision we have to make-or not.  You and I are responsible for whether or not we experience joy.  Joy isn't going to happen if we pamper ourselves.  Instead, we need ot consider what is preventing the joy.

There are a lot of thing that can choke joy,  but here are ten to think about:

1. Fear

2. Cynicism

3. Boredom

4.Low self-esteem

5.Taking life too seriously

6.Loss of wonder

7. Greed

8. Guilt

9.Bitterness

10.  Busyness"

 Gracious God thank for you for all the blessings of this day.  Thank you for the love of books, the love of music, and the love of art.  Thank you so much for loving me.  

Gracious God, Be there for all those known to you alone, that need to feel the loving power of your grace in body, mind and spirit.  

Gracious God, thank you that I can feel my frustration slipping out of my body(:  It is really all good.  Amen

Walking the Labyrinth

This past October I attended a conference in Mississippi. One afternoon the rain gave way to some sunshine and I discovered that there was a Labyrinth in the field around our conference center.

"We know all too well that few journeys are linear and predictable. Instead they swerve and turn, twist and double back, until we don't know if we're coming or going. The image of the labyrinth is an ancient symbol for the meandering path of the soul that goes from light into darkness and emerges once again into the light. "
Phil Cousineau

Life is a journey for all of us. Some days we are very present to what is happening in the moment. We are very focused on the here and now. Other days we may feel wistful, full of wonder, or wondering. We all have days that can cause us to wonder "why", for as many reasons as there are people. Yet this is the work, this is the journey. God calls us to walk this journey with one foot in the present and the other from a place of depth and inquiry.

The conference that I went to was centered about 4 questions.

Who am I?
Where am I?
Where am I going?
Who is God calling me to be?

It has been said that we are either moving forward in our lives or slipping backwards. I can honestly say that my life in the last twenty some odd years has felt like that. For the first part of my life I was surrounded by fear and frustration. I was not at all sure who I was and what this life thing was about. Some of that was developmental but some of that was being surrounded by people that did not have the tools or interest in attaching meaning to the larger picture. Fear and the need for security were paramount. Love was central to all of our lives and that was the balm that held us all together. Yet, I am struck by the loneliness of life when I had no concept of my life as a larger story.
Without language or concepts that helped me look at God through a lens of meaning making, I felt alone and lost. I felt alone and lost even as I was surrounded by love and care.

As I write this the irony that I have been called to be a person in the world that teaches, leads and guides others to find their story, to explore the love of God in their lives, makes me smile. It is the very manifestation of what I am talking about. We are all part of a larger story. "Imagine your journey as Labyrinthine." When I can step back and see life in a larger context I can see things differently than I do when life is one dimensional. A Labyrinth is made of many different things. The one that is pictured here was built in a field. Wood chips filled in the space and rocks had been collected and formed the pattern. There was a entrance. The circular nature of the pattern is reflective of our lives. It finds its way to a center. Theology varies in different traditions about the meaning of this, for me I always feel like I am in the open hands of God. Each time I have walked a labyrinth, I find myself sitting down in the middle. Each time I walk this journey I find it hard to turn and walk back. Not because I don't love my life, but because of the peace and solace I find in that center place.

As our day unfolds around us, where is God in it? Where is your life meandering?
Who are you?
Where are you?
Where are you going?
Where is God call you today?

"Holy God, be in my mind that I might let go of all that diminishes the movement of Your Spirit within me.
Discerning God, be in my eyes, that I might see you in the midst of all the busyness that fills my life.

Loving God, be in my heart, that I can be open to those I love, to those with whom I share ministry and to the whole human family.

Gracious God, be in that grace-filled silence that lies deep within me, that I might live in Christ as Christ lives in me. Amen.
Credo

What do you hear?

Yesterday was a day when I met with people, had wonderful conversation and had fun. Yesterday was a day when I really tried to listen. I want to share some of the wonderful things I heard.

One person told me that she" hoped too much." I said how can anyone hope too much? The conversation then went off on a path of what hope really is. Is it the kind of thing that if you haven't done something you were supposed to do, you just hope, hope, hope, it all comes out ok? Or is it something that is a result of living a certain period of time and seeing that life unfolds how it will. We can see that there is a larger plan than our own. It became clear that as a young person she was talking about the first kind. We talked about how sometimes we just wish that God would do all the work and we could just show up. We then talked about how awesome it is when we do our part and then we are able to step back and watch the story play out. Can we hope too much? I don't think so, but we are able to reflect on what that means for us.

"I have rushed all day so I could sit still". Is there anyone that is reading this that hasn't felt that way. When this was said there was an audible sigh in the room. We each knew that this was true for each of us. How much time do we spend each day rushing to somewhere, to do something, so that we can________ fill in the blank. God calls us to love our neighbor as our self, God calls us to live in the world and add to it in ways that make it a better place. God does not call us to do that all at once.

These are two of the wonderful gifts that I was given yesterday. They were not given "to" me. They were expressed in conversation, they were shared as an experience that was helpful in conversation. They became gifts to me when I was present to hear them. Sometimes when we are in conversation, do we find ourselves just waiting our turn to talk? Perhaps, you are a person that feels as though while the other person is talking you must prepare a response. There are many other ways that we miss hearing, really hearing what is being said. These two conversations became gifts because I was able to be present and hear.

In addition to hearing and being in conversation, I have been able to spend time in the last couple of hours to reflecting on these words. They have stuck with me. I have been able to think about why they stuck in my mind. The gift is my connection to the world, to God, and to myself. The gift is being open to God's grace in the many different forms it may come in today.

What gets in your way of listening to the world around you today? How would your day be different if you found yourself hearing what was said? What will your gifts be today?

Gracious God, Thank you for the blessing of this beautiful day. Thank you for the sun and the warm breeze. Thank you for the different people in our lives, known and unknown that will gift us with your grace today.

Gracious God, Help me to have open ears, an open heart and willingness to be present to you and others today. Amen

Meandering Toward the Center

"The practice of soulful travel is to discover the overlapping point between history and everyday life, the way to find the essence of every place, ever day: in the markets, small chapels, out of the way parks, craft shops." Phil Cousieau

When a tree is cut down and the stump is left what do we see? If we look carefully we see a story, a story of the many years that have gone past. We see the beautiful growing and expanding that has happened. We also see the holes and the crevices that show places of distress.

Science tells us that if we count the rings of the stump we will know how old the tree is. The colors change from light to dark and back again. The surface is not level.

What do we find when we travel to the center of who we are? Where do the rings that make up our years lead us? As I get older I realize that it is really only with all the different experiences that I have had that I am able to be the woman I am today. It is only when I look at the whole of the journey to this point that I can see where I really am.

In my minds eye I can see myself sitting on a staircase in the place I lived in college. I can see a very young, scared and lost girl. I can see someone looking outside to anything that might help her find a way, help her find peace, confidence, safety. I look at that young woman with compassion today. She could not have begun to imagine the many miles she was to travel. A life of meaning and purpose felt beyond her reach. When we are merely in survival mode we cannot look at the colors in the trees, we cannot hear the music in the world around us. When we are merely trying to survive we hold our breath, we wait and hope. When we are in those places it is hard to feel God, it is hard to trust that there will be a better day.

When we reflect on how our history informs our lives today, what do we see? I see God weaving it's threads of Grace everywhere. As many of you know I am a knitter. I love the feel of the yarn in my hands. It is fun to play with color and patterns. I love the feel of wearing something that I made. This is yet another place that when I reflect on how our history informs our lives today, I am reminded how blessed I am. My mother was a masterful knitter. I worn the sweaters she knit me from the time I was very small. They were warm and beautiful. She would let me pick out the colors and the patterns. It was fun, it was comforting, it was a feeling of being very loved.

Take time today to look back over your life. Where do you see God weaving grace like threads in a well loved sweater? As you look at the rings in the stump of a tree, what do you think of? Where have you traveled? Where have you really been?

"Inspired by a fifth-century conversation between Zi Zhang ad Confucius about the practices of wise rulers in The Analects, here are five excellent practices for travelers on sacred journeys:

Practice the arts of attention and listening.
Practice renewing yourself every day
Practice meandering toward the center of every day.
Practice the ritual of reading sacred texts.
Practice gratitude and praise-singing. "
Phil Cousineau





Gracious God, Thank you for the journey that we are on today.

Thank you for the grace to look back at the lives that we have lived and see your hand in it.

Thank you for today. Thank you for the sun and the warm earth. Thank you for the learning and blessings that are open to us.

Gracious God help us to be present in this day. Help us to go deep on the journey of faith. Help us to continue to come to know you and see you more profoundly in our lives.

Amen.