Life from Wakefield to Ireland

Advent is upon us.  It is a time when we are called to see the many places that God breaks into our lives.  We are called to prepare and nurture that place deep within us that longs for the all powerful love of God.  Look around your life......what do you see?

Lent. The Presence of God.

The Presence of God

Bless all who worship you, Almighty God,
from the rising of the sun to its setting:
from your goodness enrich us,
by your Spirit guide us,
by your power protect us,
in your mercy receive us,
now and always. 

This is a prayer from the website: www.sacredspace.ie   The Irish Jesuits

Lent is a time in the Christian year that takes us from the end of winter, through the thaw and mud, through the puddles and fog, into the longer days of spring.  Lent is the time that we remember the 40 days Jesus spent in the desert without food.  We are called to remember that Jesus went through suffering to make him stronger and more trusting in God.  Each of us have times of suffering that we carry.  I do not believe that God wants us to suffer, but given our lives, most of us do.  How is it that during those times of trial and pain that we turn to God?  How have we come to trust that God is there of us?  How are we stronger because of our faith? 

Each year many of us think of different disciplines that we can do during this time to bring us closer to God.  The aim is to reorient ourselves yet again.  By that I mean we are human, with that comes the tendency to forget that God is central to our lives and the world we share. 

So many of us are able to go about our lives without really being present.  We can pray, attend worship, perhaps even serving others in different ways, but when does it become rote?  When are we on automatic pilot?  Lent is the time that we are invited to turn and remember.  Remember who it is that calls us back to the love that is central to our faith, and whose we are, the God that created each of us, and loves us beyond our wildest imaginings. 

This year I find myself needing to pull myself into the present.  How is it that I can be present to God, to those around me and ultimately myself if my mind and heart are always spinning.  

The Presence of God:

As I sit here with my book, God is here.
Around me, in my sensations, in my thoughts
and deep within me.
I pause for a moment, and become aware
of God's life-giving presence. 

www.sacredspace.ie

Let us all think of ways that we can spend time with God this day.  Perhaps writing, painting, photography, or yoga.  God longs for us to slow down, take a deep breath, let a warm smile take place on your face, or just relax all those muscles that you didn't even know were tense. 

What happened to you today as you turned toward God?  What was your experience?  Welcome to the journey.  God is so good. 

What is darkness?

Almighty God, Give us grace to cast away the works of darkness and to put on the armor of light now in the time of this mortal life in which your Son Jesus Christ came to us in great humility that on the last day when he shall come again in his glorious majesty to judge the living and the dead, we may rise to the life immortal; through him who is alive and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen  BCP 211



As I sit and write this it is snowing hard outside. Many are home from school and work. Life in New England in the winter is one of nesting inside, of paying attention to the weather and listening. LIstening to what it is telling us and listening to what we know to be safe, smart and healthy. It has taken me many years to discover that staying put, listening and being present is just as useful as bulling my way around. I came from Maine; I can drive in anything. Being able to drive and be safe when I need to is very different from making decisions that fly in the face of common sense. Oh how long it takes some of us to learn. God is so wonderful and patient, so calm and gracious.



The church begins its new year on Advent 1. During that first week of advent the collect uses beautiful language that I believe can serve us throughout the year:

"Almighty God, Give us grace to cast away the works of darkness and to put on the armor of light". During this time of the year it is easy for many of us to feel the presence of darkness in ways we don't at other times. The days are shorter, the sun is out less, and the cold is hard for many. I would like us to think about this from a different perspective. Perhaps, this is the time of the year when we are being called to take the time to reflect, to get quiet and listen. The prayer asks us to cast away, asks us to take action. We are asking for God's help, but we need to make the decision to first notice the works of darkness and then be willing to push them aside for light and love.



What are works of darkness? My guess is for each of us that will mean something different. I would also suggest that we also are being called to look at corporate darkness. By this I am talking about the world around us. Each of us lives in a community and all we need do is look around and see the areas of darkness that cast a shadow on all of our lives. As Episcopalians we are called to hold our personal journey and our lives in community in tension. One is very often a reflection of the other.



As individuals we have the faith journey that is our personal path with God. Each one of us knows the ways that we can push God to the side. There are actions that we do not take because we know they are wrong. The obvious sins of murder, theft, adultery are ones that most of us can reflect on and breathe a deep sigh of relief. If we are not careful, we can feel a bit superior or righteous about ourselves. Aren't we good!



Are we good or are we safe? When we are in any relationship, it requires time, attention and commitment. Those people that have made the biggest difference in our lives are the very people that we may struggle with, the people that know our flaws and our gifts. God knows us in ways that we will never know ourselves. The life of faith is the journey of discovery, the journey of coming to know God through the lens of our lives. When we stay on the surface of our life experience, we cannot have an experience of God in an authentic way. We must continue to have the courage to cast out the darkness of greed and fear, resentment and anger. Each of us has those places in our lives that we want to hide, maybe even from ourselves, but certainly from others. Those are the very places that God most wants to shine light. There is nothing you have thought of or done that God doesn't know about, or that someone else hasn't struggled with. When we ask God to grant us the grace to cast out the darkness, what would that mean for you?



We see darkness each time we turn on the TV or our computer screen. Just last week an nine year old girl was killed in Tucson, Arizona. She was beginning to be interested in politics and the world around her. US Representative Gabrielle Giffords was to speak outside the local grocery store and this young girl wanted to see her, wanted to hear her speak. That same morning a young man woke up to a new day. We have found out since that he struggles with many emotional demons, but on that day, his anger and distorted reality caused him to shoot nineteen people. Among them was the nine year old girl who died on the scene. The US Rep. Gabrielle Giffords has at this point survived being shot in the head. Help us to cast away the darkness. This was a normal day in Tucson, Arizona, a day to go to the grocery store, meet someone new, a day like any other day. Yet, on this January 8, 2011, the world stood still for many.



LIving in community is how we are created. We are called to live together, to love and learn. But, the many ways that we each experience darkness is reflected in society each day. We struggle with the fear of not having enough which manifests in greed and poverty. The need for power and security is as pervasive in our society today as it has since time began. The gap between those with and those on the margins continues to widen. That deep dark place within us that feels empty continues to manifest in division, discrimination and hatred. Organized religions of the world continue to struggle with these very same issues. How often do the barriers that we set up between ourselves and the world stop us from shinning God's light in those dark places. I would suggest this happens every day.



As we begin this new year, we have so much to be grateful for. Central to our gratitude can be the persistent and yet, very patient love of God. We are called to be a people of love and light. We are called to look at the other and look for the face of Jesus.



What would our lives be like if we were to make a conscious decision to cast away the darkness, to really ask God to help us push it aside and watch, breathe, and come to know the light and love of God. This is a new year, let us not make promises that we can't keep, or even ones that matter little in the scheme of things. Let us pray for God's love and guidance to be present to ourselves and our relationship with God. Let us pray for the courage and faith to be part of the world around us in ways that God calls us to.



"Gracious God, give us grace that we may cast away the works of darkness, and put upon us the armor of light.

A Friendship Blessing

A Friendship Blessing

May you be blessed with good friends.
May you learn to be a good friend to yourself.
May you be able to journey to that place in your soul where
there is great love, warmth, feeling, and forgiveness.
May this change you.
May it transfigure that which is negative, distant, or cold in you.
May you be brought in to the real passion, kinship, and affinity of belonging.
May you treasure your friends.
May you be good to them and may you be there for them; may they bring you all the blessings, challenges, truth,
and light that you need for your journey.
May you never be isolated.
May you always be in the gentle nest of belonging with your anam cara. 

By John O'Donohue


"May you be able to journey to that place in your soul where there is great love, warmth, feeling, and forgiveness." 

The idea of journeying to a place in my soul is one that jumps out at me today.  This has been and continues to be a great summer.  Journey seems to be a theme that I have been able to play with a lot.  Until recently, journey always was something that I read about, reflected on in a metaphorical way, or just plain wondered about.   Recently I returned from a trip to Ireland.  The journey began long before the plane left the ground and continues to move me. 

Words have become one of those things that I love to play with and continue to peak my curiosity.  In seminary we were encouraged to take Greek and Hebrew so that we could really see and play with language.  I could not do everything, so that was not one of the areas that I was able to tackle but wonder if I might some day.  But, today I just went to a dictionary, and wanted to look at what the word journey really means.  This is what I found:

a. The act of traveling from one place to another; a trip.

b. A distance to be traveled or the time required for a trip: a 2,000-mile journey to the Pacific; the three-day journey home.

2. A process or course likened to traveling; a passage: the journey of life.

v. jour·neyed, jour·ney·ing, jour·neys

To make a journey; travel.

This was found on a Free dictionary site on the web.  Moving from one place to another, traveling in time and space, and yet, so much of my life I wonder if the longest journeys haven't been within me.

"May you be able to journey to that place in your soul where there is great love, warmth, feeling and forgiveness."

 As far away as Ireland is and seemed, without doubt this is the longest journey of all.  A life of faith invites us to a way of being that is both very personal and very much in community.  Each of us is called to this in different ways.  One of the things that continues to surface as a challenge for me is to keep these in balance.

 When we are on any journey we need to know who we are and what we need.  Packing all the right things is one of the first challenges.  This is especially true in this day and age of flying and being charged for everything, it seems.  What are the proper shoes? How many cloths should you bring and what kinds of cloths will you need or want in my case?  Be sure to have the  proper medications, and of course, any hygiene products that feel like a must.  Are you a person that can go, go, go, and never need any down time?  Or are you a person that wants to see, learn and experience things, but also need some time to let it sink in?  Do you make meaning in your world by talking to people and making different experiences thought connection?  Or is it possible to feel like you can blend into the scenery and come to know the place form the inside out? 

As I learn more about journey, I am learning to be more gentle on myself and more inquisitive about who I am.  We spend many years of our lives trying to change and perhaps improve who we are.  This is important and fundamental to growing up.  But I am coming to know that in that growing process, a key element is meeting oneself, as if meeting an old and special friend.  Think of someone in your life that you love and respect, not in a casual way, but in that way that comes from experience or knowing that they really are someone "important" to you.  When I do this, I do not think of that person's shortcomings, or ways that that person could or should change.  I think of the ways that I feel genuine love and caring for that person.  I think of things they have said or done that have changed or influenced who I am.  I think of things that I have learned and loved because of knowing them. 

"May you be able to journey to that place in your soul where there is great love, warmth, feeling, and forgiveness."

What would it be like to think of ourselves in that light?  What would it be like to think of that place within us, that place we could call the soul, as a place of great love, great warmth, a place that the journey can either originate from or can be the destination. 

Faith is a lifetime journey, one that is never stagnant, one that is always full of surprises.  My prayer today is that we can honor different aspects of this path.  John O"Donohue says, "Prayer is the act and presence of sending this light from the bountifulness of your love to other people to heal, free, and bless them.  When there is love in your life, you should share it spiritually with those who are pushed to the very edge of life.  There is a lovely idea in the Celtic tradition that if you send out goodness from yourself, or if you share that which is happy or good within you, it will all come back to you multiplied ten thousand times.  In the kingdom of love there is no competition; there is no possessiveness or control." 

Today as I write, I honor the journey within, the journey that is our path of faith and truth.  It is important for all of us to continue to know and articulate that journey that leads to that place of love, warmth and forgiveness.  Today is important to remember that it is from that place that God can most effectively speak.  It is from that place that we can most effectively hear God.  Today I am reminded that the journey can be many things, can move in many directions, and always makes life interesting. 

"May you be able to journey to that place in your soul were there is great love, warmth, feeling, and forgiveness." 

Today I give thanks for the journey that is life and God's grace in it all.

What is a Spiritual Person?

A question that was posed to me today could seem like
a simple one, but when I let my mind wander I
was yet again suprised where it went.  I pose the
question to you.

Think about the images that come to mind when
you think about who you are as a
spiritual person.  What pictures do you see?
What stories come to mind? 

When I think about myself as a spiritual person today my mind wanders back to a time in my life when I did a lot of guided meditation. This was a time in my life where I was very focused on healing. It seems really unimportant today what I was healing from and more important that I was so passionate about the journey.

One of the places that I would go in my mind was this very peaceful place on Kesar Lake. Our family had a plot of land right on the water. My then husband and I spent some of our most wonderful time there. It was an old broken down building. No plumbing, no electricity, no phones, no internet. It had been let go for many years. My grandfather had loved this place and it was his fishing cabin. As a young married couple we had very little, but we both loved the idea of getting away. We both knew very little about what peace or contentment felt like. We lived in a busy world and had very busy minds. We would go and camp at this place.

Many afternoons I spent cleaning out the very old kitchen and living space. Nature had taken over as the years had gone by. This was a wooden structure and the windows were old and there was no insolation. This was an old fashioned fishing cabin. The kitchen had a wonderful large farmer’s sink with a pump. It was a rich black color and had lived through much. There were cupboards that were still filled with old dishes. Today we would call it china. Much of it was cracked and dirty, but through the dust, you could see pink roses, and green leaves. Cracks splinted out from points of origin that one will never know about. Yet, pilled high were dinner plates, cups, saucers, serving dishes, and other random items that were undoubtly used to serve meals at one time. What was the story behind these dishes? Who had eaten these meals?

One of the most wonderful parts of this cabin was the wraparound porch. This was a large and screened in area where many hours could be spent. There was room for a table, chairs and seemed to be calling out for rocking chairs. This was one of the first areas that we cleaned out and made usable. We fixed the screens and put boards up over then so that we could begin the process of protecting this treasure from the wildlife and the elements. It felt magical to sit in the rocking chairs, listen to the loons out on the lake and play cards. We would use lanterns and kerosene.

Why does this flood back as I try to answer a question about being a spiritual person? Life was hard at this time, but there was something wonderful about the peace of new love. There was something wonderful about sharing this journey with someone else. It was so peaceful and at times exciting to explore a new place, a place that was full of history and yet could be an open canvas of new possibilities. I think for both of us we also felt very in touch with God there. The distractions of our daily lives felt far away. The pressures of our lives and the expectations that we were trying to figure out, could rest.

Waking in the morning was a wonderful time. I say this not because I ever like waking up from a wonderful, peaceful, deep sleep. I say this because if you have ever seen the mist rise up over a lake, only to expose the light dancing off the water, you know what I mean. I have a photograph somewhere, which is in my mind’s eye right now. Danny was in a canoe, all by himself, maybe our golden retriever was with him, but I don’t see him. He was heading out on the lake in the fog. Peace, quiet, grace, these are words that come to mind when I see that image.

We built a dock that made it possible to sit out on the lake and watch the sun come up and watch it go down. The water was so clear that you could see the rocks at the bottom of the lake. It was cold and yet more refreshing than any place I can remember.

Each Sunday night we would pack up our van with all our things. Each time leaving a few more items of our own, and head home to the world that was waiting. As I remember these times today I remember feeling fresh, new, ready for the week ahead. The water, the sleep, the smell of the fire, and the fresh cooked food, all felt like a form of nourishment it was hard to get anywhere else.

I discovered this place after I was married, but also after my mother passed away. I knew that it had been a big bone of contention in my family. There were those that wanted to sell this property, and my mother never did. Yet, we never went there, and never spent any time there. I do believe that for my mother this place was in some way representative of unfulfilled dreams, of a time gone by that she would never know. In some ways looking back now it may have become the same for me.

During the year after we had found this place, my father was offered a large amount of money for the property. He knew of our new found love of the place and our desire to over the years make it our own. All I can remember is begging him not to sell it. But as we all know, sometimes in life we don’t always know what the bigger picture is. Or we are unable to change another’s thoughts or behavior. My dad sold the property anyway. It was one of those big losses that I can still feel as I write this. It was clearly not mine to hold, but the images and experience of Grace stay with me today.

Ahh, but that is not the story here. Over the years when I go to meditation and feel like I want to go to a special place in my soul, this is where I go. In my mind’s eye, I can see the lake as it stretches out before me. Sometimes I feel like a small child in overalls and high top red sneakers. Sometimes I feel like the woman I have become. Today that woman can discover that peace and contentment in the world around her. When she can’t she knows how to step away, how to remove herself from the world long enough to refresh her soul and spirit. Today when I think of who I am as a spiritual person, I can see the young girl with the high top sneakers walking hand in hand with a woman, a loving, compassionate, strong, smart and faithful woman. Today I can know that with all the brokenness that is part of being human, with all the challenges that make up the story of my life, I know that God has been my companion all along the way. God is there the days I feel more like the child and we can be very playful, and encourages and empowers me as the woman that can’t wait to tell the world about how absolutely amazing God really is.

Sometimes in our journey there are places and times that we can go back to that remind us of who we are and where we came from. Sometimes those same places can be touchstones for our lives in faith. Today, I give thanks and remember that camp. I give thanks for my time there and my grandfather whose spirit lived there. Where are places in your life that you can see when you close your eyes, those places that remind you of the ever present love of God?

Seize the Day

"In the silence of your hearts or in spoken words let us give thanks for the gift of this day and pray for the life of the world..."  J. Philip Newell

Recently I have taken up a new hobby.  Actually it is one that my mother tried to have me appreciate as a young child.  I am learning to play the piano.  

In our living room growing up we had a baby grand piano.  It was black and the piano bench held sheets of wonderful music.  But what I remember is that I loved to pick up the cover of this bench and let it slam shut.  Not hard, not enough to hurt anything, but surly enough to bother my mother.  The keys were tarnished over time and were a worn ivory color.  It was fun to sit on the bench and pretend that I could play beautiful music.  

My mother set up piano lessons with a Mr. Petillio.  He taught music on the campus of the school where we lived.  He was from Europe and had a very curious accent for a young girl.  In all fairness to this man, I don't think he was used to young children.  It is also important to note, no pun intended, that I was not a child with a long attention span.  As hard as I try, I have very little recollection of these lessons.  What I do remember is the regular arguing with my mother about practicing.  Siting in the passenger seat of our family car, driving up the driveway, knowing that I didn't know my lesson, was never fun.  Yet week after week, I would be relieved that that lesson was over and approach it exactly the same the upcoming week.  Needless to say, I never became a gifted musician.  At some point he must have convinced my mother that this was not working.  

Sometimes in life, it is so funny to look back.  Many of us spend a lot of time reflecting so that we can come to know ourselves better.  Healing and coming to terms with a difficult past involves remembering these events, telling the story and looking at ways to move on from  those places of brokenness and move into our lives today.  This is important work and very sacred ground.  But sometimes I find it really funny to look back at those times when life was funny, or I was mischievous, or even think, Wow, how did I miss that? 


Playing the piano is one of my favorite things to do these days.  I love to practice, I love to learn a new cord, a new song, or a new way of doing something.  I love the work I do. It is a blessing to know how God can best use your gifts and talents in the world.  My life has meaning and purpose.  But all that said it is very hard for me to play.  I am silly and often joyful.  The time I experience that most is during worship.  But I want to be able to play, be silly and relax outside of my work.  Ahhhhhh,  this is where the piano comes in.  

"When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways.  From now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face.  Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known.  And now fatih, hope and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love." 

1 Cor. 13:11-13 

Music is one of the ways that many are able to pray, play or grieve.  Music speaks to our hearts and our souls. It can sooth us, comfort us, it speaks to us in ways nothing else does.   Children experience faith on a very simple and authentic level.  As we grow older we gather defenses and ideas that complicate and confuse the way we experience the world.  Yes, it also informs the way we see the world, but sometimes don't we get in the way?

Going back to the piano at this point in my life has been a blessing.  It is a time of meditation and peace.  It can also be a time of fun and playfulness.  It is good to grow and learn.  I am no longer the child that cannot sit still.  The child that just couldn't find the discipline amidst the turmoil in my home to learn new things.  Today I smile when I look back and see her squirming on the piano bench, Today I have compassion for her desire to play and her complete inability to learn.  Today it is she that gathers her books and hurries to her lesson.  She hurries to her lesson with expectation and excitement.  

For some life is short, for some life is long.  The more people I meet and the more stories I hear, there is a common thread that jumps out.  Curiosity and the desire to learn feed the spirit and the mind.  

What are you curious about?  What is something that you  would like to learn or do? 

Today I give thanks for patienct teachers and joyfull noise.  

What do you give thanks for today?  

An excerpt from a favorite poem: 

" Of course I have always known you

are present in the clouds, and the 

black oak I especially adore, and the 

wings of birds.  But you are present 

too in the body, listening to the body, 

teaching it to live, instead of all 

that touching, with disembodied joy. 

We do not do this easily.  We have 

lived so long in the heaven of touch, 

and we maintain our mutability, our

physicality, even as we begin to 

apprehend the other world.  Slowly we 

make our appreciative response. 

Slowly appreciation swells to 

astonishment.  And we enter the dialogue

of our lives that is beyond all under-

standing or conclusion.  It is mystery.

It is love of God.  It is obedience. 

Oh feed me this day, Holy  Spirit, with

the fragrance of the fields and the 

freshness of the oceans which you have 

made, and help me to hear and to hold

in all dearness those exacting and wonderful 

works of our Lord Christ Jesus, saying: 

Follow me.  "  

From the Poem:  Six Recognitions of the Lord, by Mary Oliver

Great Moments

"When a great moment knocks on the door of your life, it is often no louder than the beating of your heart, and it is very easy to miss it." 
                           John O'Donohue

It has been a long time since I have posted here and it is so odd and wonderful that I have missed it.  Writing is one of those things in my life that I have such a love, hate relationship with.  Other things that come under that category are exercise, eating well, or overall self care as opposed to instant gratification or comfort.  Why is it that the very things that can help us to feel good, sometimes are the very things we most resist?  

Writing has come to be one of those places that allow me to look at the world through a specific lens.  Writing is a very significant way that I am able to stop and try to express the experience that we call life.  For many this is either not something that they need to do, or perhaps you do it in different ways.  Photography, music, painting, or other forms of the arts are common ways that people express who they are. 

Long ago I read that the best writers were avid readers.  Since I was a small child I have loved books.  I love the way some books look.  Open a book to a specific page and there, written down, are the very words that you were looking for.  Learning is something that in my early life I struggled with a lot.  I loved to escape to my room with a good book, to open the pages in the quiet and enter into the story that was before me.  As children in my family, my mother read to us before we went to sleep each night.  Looking back now, this went on much later than I would have thought.  We were in middle school I think when she finally stopped.  I remember this as a very calm and peaceful time.  A time when we were encouraged to relax and let our minds wander.  There were no expectations, no tests, just the voice of our mother and the story she held.  Recently, I have thought many times that I don't think it is any coincidence that both of my brothers and myself are avid readers. 

Everywhere I go books surround me.  I have books on theology of all different forms and from all different perspectives.  Fiction is one of the things I love very much, it continues to be a place where I can relax and breath.  Biographies are a wonderful way to enter into history and come to know the voice of people that become friends.  There are many other things that line my shelves, but what is important is the comfort and pleasure I find in writing.  

Anam Cara, A Book of Celtic Wisdom, by John O'Donohue is one of the books that I am reading right now. " Anam is the Gaelic word for soul: cara is the word for friend.  The anam cara was a person to whom you could reveal the hidden intimacies of your life."  As I begin to read this book a few different thoughts have come to mind.  The first is that over the course of my life there have been many people that have helped me reveal who I am and where the divine exits in the world.  These moments in time come back to me as times of grace.  

Who are the people in your life that have allowed you to  come to know the intimacies deep within your own soul?  

I am also reminded of what a life long journey this life is.  God is ever present and yet, ever changing.  Growing and learning about the interaction between our interior lives and the world around us is the very balance we seek. O'Donohue says: "since the birth of the human heart is an ongoing process, love is the continuous birth of creativity with and between us." 

This posting began with quote about great moments.  Today I am aware that one of the ways that I am able to see or be present in moments is to have the gift of writing about them.  Writing is a primary way that I am able to feel like I am part of the world around me.  Many times it is not until after I have written something that I am even aware that was in my heart or mind.  

What are ways that you feel part of the life you live?  How are you able to tell the stories that are hiding?  

What do you see through that window?  God is looking in with you or may be looking back.  Maybe both at the same time.  But we must look to know.