Breathing

Have you ever woken up in the morning and felt like your mind had been up hours before you? It is the strangest thing. This morning, I knew when I opened my eyes that there was a lot running around in my heart that I wasn't sure what to do with. I learned years ago that very often my body comes to know and understand things before my mind has language for it.

One of the things that I have noticed in the last couple of days, is the difference between being and acting. I am coming to see how often I believe that it is my "Job" to do something. So often the case is that my job is to look around me, breath, and get quiet, listen. It is in those moments that God has a chance to enter into the picture. Sometimes my role is to be in the moment, pay attention to the context, the story of that time and if appropriate name or interpret it.

I was reading today in, The Art of Pilgrimage, a story about Ansel Adams. He was a wonderful photographer, and in my opinion, artist. The story tells of his struggle with trying to decide whether to follow his passion for the piano or photography. He believed that his camera was a combination of machine and spirit. His mother very much wanted him to follow the piano, she felt strongly that the camera could not express the human soul. He is said to have responded to her, "Perhaps the camera cannot, but the photographer can." It seems like such a loss to get mired down in the details of life to the point that we miss the mystery. God calls us to be in the world, to be instruments of love, joy and forgiveness. But how often do we walk right by the very thing that would make us smile, make our heart jump, or bring a tear to our eyes?

One of the many things that I have learned about myself in the last couple of years is truth about my being very protective of those I care about. I am a mother -lion when I feel like someone or something needs my help. There are times when this is a good quality, times when I am able to advocate for those that struggle to stand up for themselves. But today I was reminded that just because I feel like someone or something needs my protection, does not mean that is true. There are so many ways to learn to trust God. So many ways that we learn to let go and be there in ways that are helpful ,but then, and equally important is to then step back and listen. Ansel Adams mother wanted the best for him, she wanted his soul to be fed, she wanted him to feel fed by his work and be able to give it to the world. But she felt like her soul was fed by the music that came from the piano, she heard grace in the notes. I am very grateful today that he followed his own heart, his own calling. Follow this link and enjoy what his soul saw as it used his camera. Thanks be to God he listened to his own longing.

http://www.anseladams.com/content/ansel_info/anseladams_biography2.html

As today comes to a close, I am reminded of God's wisdom in creating us all uniquely in God's image. We are each asked to write the story of our own lives, to listen to the music in our own souls. God calls us out of the boredom and stress of doing what others think we should do or what others think is right. We are called to listen, to be there or others, to love God with our whole heart, our whole mind and our whole soul. When we follow that path, we will be changed, we will know how to take a deep breath, we will know where our longings are leading us.