"To whom do I belong? To God or to the world?

"To whom do I belong?  To God or to the world? "
Henri Nouwen

On this Tuesday morning, it is dark, overcast and cool.  After a beautiful weekend, one filled with a myriad of things, it is quiet, and that is good.  The world calls us to so many different things and places.  We have work roles, social activities, and family responsibilities.  We have life in the here and now.  There are times in our lives when we need to step back and listen, step back and look around us, step back and wonder.

"Often I am like a small boat on the ocean, completely at the mercy of its waves.  All the time and energy I spend in  keeping some kind of balance and preventing myself from being tipped over and drowning shows that my life is mostly a struggle for survival: not a holy struggle, but an anxious struggle resulting from the mistaken idea that it is the world that defines me."

Henri Nouwen

The Return of the Prodigal Son, A Story of Homecoming, by Henri Nouwen, continues to be part of my daily spiritual reading right now.  As I wrote previously, I am very drawn to the idea of home being the image or reality of resting in God palms.  Home being the reminder that we are in fact originally loved and brought forth by a divine source that loves us beyond our wildest imaginings.

The reflections of today talk about why we all feel so called into the world around us, why we so often, even without our own permission, turn away.  It is so easy to want to be successful and secure in the many ways the world defines that.   We look around and see cars we wish we had, technology that would "fix" us, cloths that would tell the world we are terrific.  Each of these things when looked at from the right perspective are fun and human.  But when we allow ourselves to become so lost that we believe that our well being rests on the thoughts and reactions of others, we have left home.  We are on the lonely road of looking outside ourselves for the self worth and purpose that comes from being a "Beloved Child of God."

"As I look at my spiritual journey, my long and fatiguing trip home, I see how full it is of guilt about the past and worries about the future.  I realize my failures and know that I have lost the dignity of my sonship, but I am not yet able to fully believe that where my failings are great,  grace is always greater."
Henri Nouwen

My human experience tells me that my walk with God is one that is in constant flux.  Not because God goes anywhere, or because there is any inconstancy in the message of faith.  The ebbs and flows originate directly from that place deep within us that questions our worthiness.  We know our longings, our desires and our shortcomings.  Those is our lives that love us the most know some of these places and walk the journey too.  I believe that we all have those human, broken or weakened places.  But, when I sit or walk and get really quiet, when I spend my time with God, I want to be some much more than my brokenness.  One of the most difficult and powerful elements of a life with God, is that of being vulnerable and open to love and forgiveness.  

"Receiving forgiveness requires a total willingness to let God be God and do all the healing, restoring, and renewing. As long as I want to do even a part of that myself, I end up with partial solutions, such as becoming a hired servant.  As a hired servant, I can still keep my distance, still revolt, reject, strike, run away, or complain about my pay.  As the beloved son, I have to claim my full dignity and begin preparing myself to become the father."    Henri Nouwen

Today, let us remember that "grace is always greater."  We are the beloved children of God.  We are wonderful and wounded.  We are faithful and flawed.  We are blessed to be on the journey of faith and know that home is just the next breath away.  

Today, let us remember that home is where God is, and God is everywhere.  Let us try to imagine God's loving arms reaching our to welcome us home.