Why "Thirst"?

Why "Thirst"? 

The Vast Ocean Begins Just Outside

Our Church: The Eucharist

Mary Oliver

"Something has happened

to the bread

and the wine.

They have been blessed.

What now?

The body leans forward

to receive the gift

from the priest's hand,

then the chalice.

They are something else now

from what they were

before this began.

I want

to see Jesus,

maybe in the clouds

or on the shore,

just walking,

beautiful man

and clearly

someone else

besides.

On the hard days

I ask myself

if I ever will.

also there are times

my body whispers to me

that I have. “

Mary Oliver is the author of this poem.  It comes from her recent book called Thirst.  When I first picked up the book, I found myself wondering about the title.

Why Thirst?

Mary Oliver is the author of many books.  She finds a way through her poetry to 

find the sacred intersection of the natural world and the sacred.  We inhabit a 

world created by something much larger than ourselves.  There is much around us that is "man" made and yet it's very origin is beyond our understanding(or at least mine).

Why Thirst?

Yet, having that knowledge does not change my desire to know and understand.  The God that is central to my way of being often manifests itself as a longing for something just beyond my reach.

"Something has happened

to the bread

and the wine.

They have been blessed.

What now?

The body leans forward”

The body leans forward, the body leans to meet that longing that is just beyond 

our reach.  The body is thirsty.  The body looks to have that thirst, that longing

satisfied.

Jesus knew that he was about to leave as he sat around the table with friends.  

In my imagination, I think of Jesus asking God, what to do next.  "How, God, how

 am I to let them know that I will be with them always? How can I help them remember? How can I give them a tangible sign that the longing they feel is for you?  How can I help them quench that thirst?  How, God? “

Jesus finishes this prayer and sits back in his chair.  He lifts his cup of wine

 and takes a sip.  With a big sigh he looks around.  As is so often true with God,

the answer comes.  We are nourished by bread and water.  We gather with others in remembrance that God is always with us.

Why Thirst?

"They are something else now

from what they were

before this began. “

Jesus stands to speak to those gathered around the table.  As he looks around the room, each man was looking at him, waiting…….

Jesus reached for a loaf of bread, the bread that they had shared on this night 

and many before.  He held it up and their gaze followed.  He prayed words of Thanksgiving and blessing to God.  He broke it in half, holding it out in front of him, he looked directly at each person gathered there.  "We have spent this time together.  You have seen healing, miracles, and God's grace on this journey.  I have been your leader, your teacher, but I am leaving soon.  You must remember and carry on this work.  I know it will be hard and you will feel lost and alone.  I am here to help you remember.  I am here to remind you of that longing, that thirst that can only be filled with……

"This is my body, which is given for you.  Do this in remembrance of me.”

Take, eat, be nourished on the bread that is my body, so that you will never forget. Try not to forget me and know that I am always with you.

Jesus puts the bread down on a plate, the plate just like all the others.   He leans

over and picks up his cup of wine.  Those gathered around the table watch his every move.  There is no way they can know the significance of this moment, or these words. 

Jesus lifts the cup and prays.  Prayers of Thanksgiving and invocation to a God that will be the grace needed to hold this all together.  Jesus takes the cup and

looks at each person at that table.  You will thirst for me when I am gone.  There

will be days when you are not sure of what you saw, or will not remember this night. There will be days when it may seem to be too much.  On those days take this cup,this wine, and know that it is now changed to the blood, my blood, that I am about to shed for you.  I do this so you are reminded how very blessed and loved you are. You are loved and forgiven by the God who made you.  You are loved and forgiven by the God that calls you God's own.  Whenever you thirst, drink from this cup,and remember me.

"On the hard days

I ask myself

if I every will.

also there are times

my body whispers to me

that I have. "

Why Mary Oliver used the title Thirst for her collection of poems, I don't know.

  But her poem about the Eucharist names our thirst for that something larger than ourselves and describes the mystery that is God's presence among us.

Why Thirst?

We thirst for the love of God and the comfort of knowing we are not alone.

Addiction

"The path of descent is the path of transformation.  Darkness ,failure, relapse, death, and roundedness are our primary teachers, rather than idea or doctrines. "

Richard  Rohr

The view out the window that I show above is a beautiful one.  The snow  falls, the roads and parking lot are peaceful.  A fresh blanket  covers all of yesterdays dirt , sand and salt.  There is a deep sense of quiet.  

This week we heard of yet another actor that's life came to an end  due to drug addiction. James Seyour Hoffman died  at  46 years old.  It is said that he struggled with addiction since the age of 22.  

This week I enjoyed lunch with my son who is working on an Ambulance  in the state of Maine.  He talked about the increased number of deaths by heroin in the last year.  He talked about the devastating road Heroin leads people down.  He talked about powerlessness. 

I was recently in a conversation with someone  that has watched their husband, a smart, clever, successful man, lose everything, including his marriage, to Heroin.  This person delivered food to an abandoned building so he would have food.  This person drove home crying.   

NPR reports: 

"Drug overdoses have plagued New Hampshire for years, and until recently their leading cause was prescription medication, namely methadone and oxycodone.

It's not anymore.

Deaths last year from heroin - 38 - outpaced those from any other drug, according to Dr. Thomas Andrew, the state's chief medical examiner. And for the past two years, he said, heroin accounted for the most deaths from overdoses of a single drug."

Why do I write about this?  How did I get from peace and beauty to the devastating and painful realities of addiction?  I got here because we each have that vulnerable place within us, that craves acceptance and peace.  I got here  because we must not close our eyes to the reality of this painful  disease.  

 

As a community of faith we gather together around the common belief that God is at the center of our lives.  We gather with the ever present hope that we can be there for each other and the world.  We gather together to hold each other and empower each other to make the world a place of meaning and  purpose.  One aspect of that work is not turning a blind eye to things in our midst that are breaking or broken.  

Heroin addiction is something that happens to other people.  Addiction can happen to anyone. Many of us know the empty feeling in the soul that nothing can fill.  We live in a world that tells us that if you take a pill, or use some substance outside yourself, that loneliness, self-loathing or that  lost feeling will go away.  We live in a world that is a place of joy and pain, a place of peace and turmoil, a place of hard work and rest.  We live ......

"Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in Thee. "

St. Augustine

The snow rests beautifully on the land in front of us.  It is beautiful today and yet, will soon be changed.  How are we changed when we long for God's love to fill those places in our soul that long for some rest?  

Addiction is a disease that we cannot treat with will power alone.  It is not a disease that we can treat for someone else.  Addiction is a disease that runs in families and affects all of us.  Heroin is in the

 news right now.  It has become the current killer of many.  

I write this so that we can be aware.  There is help available for those that are struggling with addiction or those that love someone who is.  We have  an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting here at St. John's on Thursday evening. 

There is a prayer in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous called the Third Step prayer.  The Third Step is one of 12 that are the basis for recovery in Twelve Step Programs.  

Step Three

"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over 

to the care of God as we understood Him."

  

The following is a prayer that can help us to this:

The Third Step Prayer

from page 63 of the Big Book of

 Alcoholics Anonymous

God, I offer myself to Thee-
To build with me
and to do with me as Thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self,
that I may better do Thy will.
Take away my difficulties,
that victory over them may bear witness
to those I would help of Thy Power,
Thy Love, and Thy Way of life.
May I do Thy will always!

We pray each week that God help us with those things that get in our way of being the people God most needs us to be.  We pray that God take away our sins.  We pray to be "relieved of the bondage of self."  We pray these things each time we say the "Lord's Prayer." 

As we look out of our windows on this day, we will each see a different landscape.  But we each long for a God that is there to walk this life with us.  We long to not be alone and empty.  Let us pray for those we love that struggle with addiction.  Let us pray for ourselves as we too struggle with the temptations that promise us peace and escape.  Let us pray to be released from the Bondage of fear and hopelessness. 

 

Silence and Prayer

  

  "The simplest spiritual discipline is some degree of solitude and silence. But it's the hardest, because none of us want to be with someone we don't love. Besides that, we invariably feel left with ourselves, and all of our loneliness comes the surface.

We won't have the courage to go into that terrifying place without Love to protect us and lead us, without the light and love of God overriding our own self-doubt. Such silence is the most spacious and empowering technique in the world, yet, it's not a technique at all. IT's precisely the refusal of all technique."

Richard Rohr

It should not be a revolutionary idea that we would be reticent to spend time  with someone we do not love, like or at the very least feel safe with.  How easy it would be to say that our aversion to silence or solitude is the busy society we live in or the pace of our lives.  These are both true, but are they our deepest truth?  

What does it feel like to take a walk with ourselves?  Richard Rohr suggests that one of the reasons we struggle finding time to pray or spend time in silence is  because it is there that we meet ourselves.  It is there that we have no distractions.  It is there that we are our  most vulnerable.  

Meditations and sermons tell us that we are loved by God, that we are God's beloved.  This reflection turns that message on it's ear.  What if we are the ones that can't love?  What if we are the one's that can't have compassion towards ourselves?  Can God work through us when we so scared?  

Recently I was blessed to have a conversation with someone who struggles with prayer.  One of the reasons is that they do not feel worthy of God's love or time.  It is so hard to know that we are wonderfully broken and worm human beings.  We have traveled many miles and know all to well where our secrets are hid.  We all have them.  We are human and blessedly imperfect.  

As we talked about prayer and where to start I talked about staying in touch with a loved one.  We must talk to those we are in relationship with, share our thoughts, our concerns, maybe even those things that make us mad.  Those we are closest to cannot know us, unless we let them.  God is like that too.  God does not turn from us, it is us that moves.  We must not be so hard on ourselves that it keeps us from being close to God.  

Many years ago a friend and mentor suggested that I write a letter to God every morning.  Each morning  letting God know what was on my mind and my heart.  I did not need to do it perfectly.  It was only for me, I did not need to show it to anyone.  Over time my relationship and sense of God in my life increased substantially.  Over time I came to know myself in a different way.  There were things that with God's grace have changed and things that continue to grow.  

"We won't have the courage to go into that terrifying place without Love to protect us and lead us, without the light and love of God overriding our own self-doubt ."

When we are in prayer, when we slow down and are quiet, we are not alone.  God is never as hard on us as we are on ourselves.  God is longing to love us into whole and healthy people.  

So today, spend some time with someone that needs your love and compassion.  Spend time with someone that has work to do in the world.  Spend time with someone that God created and dreamed into being. Spend time in quiet with yourself.  If that feels hard, start with a letter.  

Dear God.......

New LIght

New Light    "Holy God, you gather  the whole universe into your radiant presence and continually reveal your Son as our Savior. Bring healing to all wounds, make whole all that is broken, speak truth to all illusion, and shed light in every darkness, that all creation will see your glory and know your Christ. Amen. " Anonymous It is a snowy, cold winter day.  Those of us that are here in New England look out our windows and see the wind blowing the snow here and there.  Perhaps we have specific things around our homes that give us an indication of how much snow we are accumulating.   On my back deck the angels are wearing a blanket of white that is significantly different than earlier today.   There is something very special about a snow day, a day when everyone is asked to stay put, and just be in their homes.  This is a particular blessing following the business and demands of Christmas.  Maybe we are being invited to be, to make room for the new light that has come into our hearts.   In recent posts I have written that a book I have used for prayer and reflection this season has been one written by a Benedictine Monk, Albert Holtz, O.S.B.  The book was called From Holidays to HOly Days.  I would highly recommend it to you in the future.  As he closes the book, or as he addresses the new year, he leads us to think of the word, new.   Many of us that like to write, love words.  As theologians, we often look to Greek and the origin of the words that we use regularly to see where they came from, or what they really mean.  Each year he talks of going to the Greek Lexicon and reflecting on the two words that mean "new."  Now, don't give up on me here this is interesting, I promise.    "First there is the familiar word for "new," noes, which describes a new version of something else, such as the new wine in the old wineskins, and the new covenant established in place of the old one.  This is the kind of newness I like: refreshing, upbeat, and pleasant."  Making New Year's resolutions always seems tempting, but like most people, I seldom stick with them. After all, I am the same person on January 2 that I was on December 30.  As Christians we believe that our journey of faith is one that calls us to new life, to rebirth, but isn't that really all metaphorical?  Maybe, maybe not.   If we look at the idea of  "noes" we could somehow believe that we are unable to create "new" in our lives.  We may believe that we are always the same, regardless of God's presence or our desire to be open to any changes God may be leading us to.  Or maybe this gives us comfort to know we are able to just improve on where we are, no big changes needed.   "The second word for "new" is kainos, which reflects a very different kind of newness.  It refers to something previously unheard of and unthought of, something entirely different from anything that went before."    As a person that has spent the last 20 years of her life studying human behavior and growth, it is really hard for me to believe that we are able  to, at some point in our lives, suddenly be something "new".  I believe that we are a constellation of our experiences, the environment and people that have surrounded us, the many lessons we have learned from so many different sources.  I also  believe the person God continues to work on in me is growing and changing for good.     All that said, the idea that is presented in this reflection is one of not accepting things the way they are, of being willing to go deeper than the initial New Year's resolution idea.     "There is the passage from Ephesians: 'Put on the new self, created in God's way in righteousness and holiness of truth." (Eph 4:24).  When Paul writes this, he is not talking about some cosmetic 'makeover' of my old self in which I remain essentially unchanged inside; the self he is calling me to be is an entirely new person, not just noes but kainos.  "   Often I preach that this journey of faith is not an easy one.  It is a blessed and sacred one, but not one we are able to do alone.  God calls us, all of us, to be more than we can often imagine.  The only way, I believe that we can live  and grow into the people God knows us to be, is with God's help.  When left to our own devices it is either too scary, too hard, or just plain beyond our thoughts.     Recently I found myself looking at the "Catechesism," which is the back of the Book of Common Prayer.  It is referred to as the outline of our faith.  I was struck by the definition of Grace.     " Grace is God's favor toward us, unearned and   undeserved; by grace God forgives our sins, enlightens   our minds, stirs our hearts, and strengthens our wills." BCP, pg. 858 If we are to look at becoming "new" in the kainos kind of way, we are only able to embark on that journey with God's grace.  I love the fact that first it states that God forgives our sins.  Right off the bat, God names the reality that we are  an imperfect and guilt-ridden people.  We are a people that will always get in God's way without help.  First, God assures us that we are loved and forgiven.   Then,  there is room for our hearts  and minds to be  stirred . Only then can we be open to the many ways God may be nudging us to lean into the new light that has come yet again.  Lastly, we are told that with God's grace comes a strengthening of our wills.  With God's help we can lift our heads up, we can look within and with that turn and look out to the world that needs us more than ever before.     "Nowhere in the gospels does Jesus ever call me to gradually improve and become renewed(noes); he does call me, however, to risk letting go of everything that I am, everything that I have accomplished, everything that I am familiar with, in order to become kainos, a new person whom I can not even foresee or imagine-the person God has in mind. St. Paul says it this way: "I have been crucified with Christ; yet I live, no longer I, but Christ lives in me". (Gat..2:19-20). The coming of Christ at Christmas is meant to transform me into a new person, not just someone noes, merely an improved version of the old me. "    As the snow falls today, I believe that both are true.  We are always able to be made new in the light of God's love and blessing.  The very foundation of who we are is the vast mixture of all the miles we have traveled, the people we have met and the lessons we have learned.  It is only through that, that God continues to create something new.    St. John's celebrated a beautiful and sacred Christmas.  The music, candles and the flowers adorned the church in a magical way.  Let this new light that come to us this year bring something new to you.     The snow is falling very hard now, the light is beginning to dim.  Yet, in the peace of this new light, I am reminded yet again, that with God's grace room is made for something new.     May you know and feel God's grace in the New Year.     Rev. Sue Poulin

Advent 3

Abundance of Spirit

 

" Emmanuel. God-with-us. Without poverty of spirit there can be no abundance of God. " 

Oscar Romero 

 

Poverty of spirit, what does that mean to you?   Earlier this week, this was in one of the meditations that I am using for Advent.  It jumped out at me that day and has stayed with me ever since.  Why?  

 

We each can remember those times when life felt empty or challenging.  We walked around the streets of our lives and the people around us all looked happier, healthier and more together than we felt.  Perhaps, we had lost someone dear to us, and the hole in our hearts felt very deep.  Maybe our work was going poorly, or we had lost our job all together.  Maybe we were struggling in our relationships with significant people in our lives.  Our hearts felt very tender.  

 

Earlier today, I received a call from a friend and colleague that her Dad had passed away last evening.  I have been blessed to have walked this journey with her and know the deep faith that she has.  Over many conversations, she has shared with me how much of her faith and the way she lives it out was modeled by her father.  Many times she has told me, "he has great faith."  

 

During our conversation she shared that the presence of her family's grief was very real and very deep, but with that came the relief in knowing that her father was with a loving God.  

 

Christmas was my mother's favorite time of year.  She loved the decorations, the baking, the gift buying and any and all of the festivities that surrounded this season.  Somewhere in her childhood she had seen the Norman Rockwell pictures of what Christmas was supposed to look like, or maybe advertisements on television that showed an effortless, joyful,  peaceful, and love-filled time .  I have some wonderful memories of Christmas growing up.  But with those, I also have many that found my mother full of frustration and resentment that neither she, nor anyone else could live up to those expectations.  With all the "things,"  all the baking, all the preparations she still felt empty.  

  

"There are many things that can only be seen through eyes that have cried."  

Oscar A. Romero

 

 Tears of grief and tears of joy can come from that place deep within us.  That place we share only with God.  We are truly here to make connections with others, to be the best instruments of God's love and grace that we can.  We are called to celebrate, to share and value the abundance that God brings.  But that abundance in it's truest form is abundance of spirit, of love.  

 

It has become clear why this quote spoke to me.  I saw my mother as a gifted artist, baker, and woman.  I wanted so much for her to see that.  She never did.  But as each year passed, as I tried each year to help her achieve the "perfect" Christmas, I came to know and love a God that was present in our lives.  I came to know that the gift we were missing was peace.  I came to know that the love she was seeking was there all along.  That love was there in her family, her friends and the loving God that she has been with for many years now.  I remember the poverty of spirit, the

emptiness. Perhaps because of that I feel a fullness of Grace and blessing that is beyond my wildest imaginings.  

 

Today I truly know that is from that place of poverty that I can enjoy and embrace God's Abundance.  May you do the same.  

 

Waiting peacefully, 

Rev. Sue

Advent 2

Holy Days and Holidays 

  

   

"Picture an imaginary Christmas tree representing Christ at the center of your life.  How would you want to decorate it? Try hanging on it's branches not only your victories, the things you are most proud of, but also the faults and problems that Christ has helped you with. If you were to include pictures of people, whose pictures would you hang there first?"

Albert Holtz, O.S.B.

Albert Holtz is a monk of Newark Abbey in Newark, New Jersey.  He works in his monastery's inner-city prep school, teaching courses in Christian Scriptures and is a retreat master for Benedictine communities around the United States.  He has written a daily reflection book for Advent.  "From Holidays To Holy Days, A Benedictine Walk through Advent."  

As a Priest in the Episcopal Church I find myself being called to preach and teach the importance of Advent and Christmas.  As a woman in the world I love the festivities and joyful celebrations that are all part of this season.  Over the years I have had times of feeling guilty about really loving all the aspects of Christmas.  Not because I think it needs to be a penitential season, or a mini lent, but because some people of faith really have trouble with any secular aspects to the season.  

Without doubt, the birth of Jesus, the anticipation of the light coming through the darkness, is the most significant reason for Advent and Christmas.  Albert Holtz speaks of living in the world that celebrates Christmas in many different ways.  He walks through the streets of Newark, New Jersey and looks for images that call him to reflect on his faith.  I love this.  As a Christian woman, but more importantly as a person that loves God, I long to be in the world, to be part of the life that surrounds us.  When we shun others, we  are quickly separated and judgmental.  We are alone .

Jesus comes to be with us in our lives.  We are called to be with each other, to love our neighbor as ourselves.  We are called out in the world.  God is most able to work in our lives, and the Gospel is most able to be lived out in the world, when we are in relationship, when we are in the world.  How are you in the world?  What are some ways you live out your faith in the world?

Many of us are decorating our homes, hanging ornaments that are special and bring back memories.  For some this is a lonely or painful time of year.  For some a special baking project brings back memories of years past.  For others hearing the knock at the door and having someone offer a plate of goodies is the light in the darkness of that day.  

I offer the reflection above as an opportunity to reflect on a  Christmas tree.  This can be the tree in your home, the beautiful tree at the front of the Church, or maybe one lit in the center of your community.  The central question is how has Jesus been present in your life?  

It is with joy and excitement that I lean into this season.  Let us be playful and thankful as we await the birth of renewed love and hope in our lives.   

Waiting expectantly, 

Rev. Sue Poulin 

Advent 1

"A Sky full of God's children"  "It takes one Earth day, one Earth night, to make a full turn, part of the intricate pattern of the universe. And God called it good, very good." "A sky full of God's children! Each galaxy, each star, each living creature, every particle and sub-atomic particle of creation, we are all children of the maker."  Madeleine L'Engle, Years ago I remember moving into a little house at the end of a dirt road. It was a time  of emotional wilderness for our family.  Life as we knew it was beginning to look differently, the path in front of us all seemed only dimly lit.  Prayer was a constant support during this time. I was in seminary and the ground beneath all of us was shifting. The financial concerns, the well being of those I loved and the  fabric of the family I held so dear was being torn, slowly ripping, apart. If one was to look closely at the fabric, I"m sure tear stains were everywhere. This little house at the end of a dirt road became a safe and treasured place for a while. One of the first evenings that I lived there, I remember going out into the yard, sitting in one of our hand made  adirondack chairs, and looking up. The sky was so clear, the stars were everywhere. There were no street lamps to dull the fullness of this sight. "The sky was full of Gods' children." When I look back at this time, I remember the pain and loss. The grief comes back to my stomach even as I type. But significant to that time was the birthing of a new sense of God's blessing in my life. God was calling me to a new way of being, a vocation that reflected how God could best use me in the world.   Fear of change, fear of how others' lives will be impacted by decisions we make, can all cause us to want to close our eyes, to look away from things in our lives.  Many times God calls us in ways that come in the midst of chaos or can feel like upheaval at the time.  Looking back we can see and know that all things are being made new.  But at the time, faith, hope and prayer are the tenants that keep us going.   There was something about remembering those stars, remembering that with God's love and guidance it was the only path I could take. We are all God's beloved children, we are all special beyond measure. But with that comes a responsibility. God calls us to health, to be able to live in the light of growth and possibility.  We are not  a people that can breath in the shadow of disease and poverty. The very life within us can be suffocated if we allow fear to overcome our faith.   "Incarnation: It is love, God's limitless love enfleshing that love into the form of a human being, Jesus, the Christ, fully human and fully divine." "Christ came to us as Jesus of Nazareth, wholly human and wholly divine, to show us what it means to be made in God's image."  Madeleine L'Engle  Gracious God, Thank you for the stars of the night, and the light in our lives. Thank you for the memory of the journey. That tear stained fabric continues to be the tapestry that  keeps us warm. Gracious God, Help us today to take a deep breath. Help us to know that we live as one of your beloved children today. Help us to thrive in our lives of abundance and health. As I walk Riley this evening, I look up and see the stars shining over the lake.  The clear, cold air feels very good.  This chapter of my life is so very different.  As I look at the stars above  my faith in the incarnate Christ is affirmed.  As I look at the stars the wonder of God's ever-present love causes me to pause in Awe.   "The sky was full of God's Children"  Let us all remember this season of hope and preparation that we too, are God's beloved children, we too are one of those sparks of light in the midst of the darkness.   Waiting expectantly,  Rev. Sue Poulin