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Return of the Prodigal Son - Rembrandt

The Return of the Prodigal Son, A Story of Homecoming, by Henri J.M. Nouwen recently jumped off my bookcase and into my hands.  This is an common occurrence for me.  Many of you might think that I am once again exaggerating this experience.  On the one hand you may be correct, the book did not actually fly into mid-air, float an undetermined distance and find my open hands.  Over the years I have become accustomed to the experience of picking up a random book, opening it up, and knowing that the message within is for me at that time.  This book, at this time is one of those moments. 

Henri Nouwen is one of the most spoken of, read and beloved spiritual /religious writers and teachers of our times.  I remember years ago in my first class in seminary, being assigned, "Life of the Beloved."  The Reverend Margaret Bullit-Jonas was the professor.  Years later I came to know that Henri was one of her closest friends. 

The result of opening the pages of this book was the peeling away of yet another layer of resistance, denial and self-loathing.  Many times in the last 13 years I have given this book as a gift.  Each time I write something inside.  One of the things I find myself saying over and over is that as I began to read these pages, I had the emotional and physical sensation of taking a warm, loving bath in the spirit.  How can we be wrapped in the warmth of God's love through the written word?  When God's deep and profound love for us is broken open, is expressed in a way that speaks to those wounded, painful places.  Henri speaks of God and our journey in faith in a way that is vulnerable and raw. There is no defense to God's grace. 

This famous and well known scholar, teacher, preacher and priest speaks openly and honestly about his struggles, our struggles.  The path of loneliness, insecurity, fear and inadequacy.  We live in a society that tells us repeatedly that with the correct partner, pill, outfit or education we can be perfect.  We can feel whole and well and loved.  We will feel and be "part of".  As with so many things in life this is just false advertising. 

In the book about the Prodigal Son, Henri calls it a story of homecoming.  Early in the book he speaks about the word homecoming assumes that there has been a leaving.  Leaving home, walking away from the warmth and security of all you know.  When we leave home there are many ways to do this.  There is a gathering of lessons, a developmental desire to embark on our own, a need to make our own way.  We are each created to be our own whole and individual spirit in the world.  We are each created to live into the life we are given.  Maturity and healing come when this is done in the context of the whole.  We are not an island, we are all formed by those around us.  Whether healthy or not, full or lacking, we are formed. 

In the story of the Prodigal Son, the youngest son asks his father for all that is his, he doesn't want to wait until the father dies.  This is rude and inappropriate now.  But in those days it was beyond reproach.  This would be unthinkable.  It was as if the son was wishing his father dead.  The context of this must be taken into account.  The son receives his inheritance from his father and leaves.  We get no sense that he turns to look, that he even winces as he leaves.  We are told that he goes forth and squanders it.  In the painting above, we see Rembrandt's vision of the father welcoming home the wayward son. 

"Rembrandt's painting of the father welcoming his son displays scarcely any external movement. In contrast to his 1636 etching of the prodigal son-full of action, the father running to the son and the son throwing himself at his father's feet-the Hermitage painting, made about thirty years later, is one of the utter stillness.  The father's  touching the son is an everlasting blessing; the son resting against his father's breast is an eternal peace."    Henri Nouwen

Henri reminds us that in the parable of the prodigal son we are drawn yet another picture of the boundlessness of God's compassionate love.  How do we leave home in our lives today?  How can we feel on the outside, how can we go forth and squander the love and abundance that God has blessed us with? 

"Leaving home is, then, much more than an historical event bound to time and place.  It is a denial of the spiritual reality that I belong to God with every part of my being, that God holds me safe in an eternal embrace, that I am indeed carved in the palms of God's hands and hidden in their shadows.  Leaving home means ignoring the truth that God has 'fashioned me in secret, moulded me in the depths of the earth and knitted me together in my mother's womb.' "  Henri Nouwen

We live differently, we love differently, we experience the world differently when we are able to remember that we are God's beloved, that the spiritual reality is the one true way of being. 

As I continue to read this book I will be reflecting on the many ways we are pulled away from the home of our being.  The many temptations that lure us away from the loving messages that are God. 

"Yet over and over again I have left home.  I have fled the hands of blessing and run off to faraway places searching for love!  This is the great tragedy of my life and of the lives of so many I meet on my journey."  Henri Nouwen

In this day, as the rain comes down, the sun hides behind the clouds and the radiators creak, let us take a deep breath.  Let know and remember that we are God's beloved child.  We are home when we are not lured away by messages from outside our hearts and souls.  Let us also be gentle on ourselves as we are reminded that we all turn and leave, we all walk away.  But let us also remember that waiting for us, with loving arms, is the God that weeps with joy at our return. 

Can you appreciate the ride?

The sun is out and the birds are singing up a storm.  The dog and I just got back from a wonderful walk in the woods.  Everything was alive and green, the water was running over rocks and branches that have fallen into the stream during the winter.  I find myself wondering how many colors of green there actually are.  I am sure that I could google it, and that someone out there has made a study of this.  For today, I don't want to know the number.  For today I want the magic and mystery of many shades of green to linger in their homes.  

Recently I have found myself talking to people that are feeling very stressed and wanting to go on vacation.  People that know that they need to slow down their minds and relax and yet, don't know how.  During these conversations I have found myself laughing at myself and also reflecting on how hard we work on relaxing.  Why is it that our brains work so fast?  How is it that we have adopted the belief that we are never "done"?  So many believe that if and when a project is completed, it is still then not good enough.  Of course the irony of this is that with all our technology and techniques to "Getting Things Done," a great book by David Allen, we do far less than our ancestors.  

As a society we have created tools that we can use to relax.  Sometimes all this does is make us feel like if we don't use the tool correctly we will not relax and then the task is not complete.  There are two different kinds of people that are going to read this.  Some of you are going to be shaking your heads in identification and hopefully some laughing at ourselves.  Others may be shaking your heads with  wonder and concern for the rest of us.  Both of these make me smile, as there are times when I find myself in both camps.  

We are a people that has more opportunity and blessing that ever before.  With this comes choice and opportunity.  When I find myself in times of racing from task to task, times of feeling like that gerbil on the wheel, I know that I must step back.  It is at those times that even though for the most part my intentions are good, my belief is that I am doing or being what I am supposed to, I am really taking myself too seriously.  It is at those times that somewhere along the line I have taken on God's job and jumped right in the drivers seat!!  

Those that have heard me preach know that I believe without a shadow of a doubt God has a tremendous sense of humor.  With that comes compassion and a tremendous capacity for forgiveness.  Much like a mother with her children.  In my minds eye I can imagine a smiling, loving God letting me go ahead and drive for a while.  Maybe at times having a Dr. Phil moment and asking, "How's that working for you?"  But even in those times, there is a loving and knowing smile.  

When this awareness rises to the top and I am able to stop and slow down I can hear:
 "Be still, and know that I am God,"  Psalm 46:10.  There are times when I hear these words in my head that I have a physical reaction.  My shoulders release, I take a full breath and release it, my muscles that I had no idea were holding on tight, relax.  

"Be still and know that I am God"  

God is found in those times when we are present to the moment.  When we are in conversation with someone that we care about, when we are meeting someone new and are encountering their story.  God is present when we are opening our hearts, minds and spirit to the world around us.  We cannot do that when we are racing around, even if it is in the name of God, or for the betterment of the world.  

What are the ways and places that you relax?  How can you find times of peace and joy?  Take some time today to be still, to take a deep breath, to let God be God.  

Gracious God, Thank you for all the blessings of this life.  Thank you for food, clothing and shelter.  Thank you for our loved ones, known and unknown. Help us to be ever mindful of those less fortunate.   Please help us be present in this day with open hearts and open minds so that we can go forth into the world able to be the instruments you most need us to be.  

Gracious God, help us appreciate the ride(:  Amen

Whose kitchen table can you picture?

Returning from vacation is often a mixed bag of feelings.  On this day I am wondering about which direction to take, which task to approach first.  It is amazing how we can see the world differently when we are not exhausted and empty.  We are physical beings that are comprised of so much more that just skin and bones.  Each of us knows that and yet the concrete realities of life get our attention and sometimes seem more urgent than the effuse things like tending to the soul or spirit.

Recently I have been mindful again of the role the arts play in the tending of my spirit.  What difference does it make to spend time with broken glass?  How could playing with fabric, making them into designs, south the soul or mind?  Why would anyone want to work with water color pencils?

Growing up I remember sitting at my grandmothers kitchen table.  It is located against the far wall of her kitchen.  This is the gathering place, the place where all important functions of the house take place.  A wood stove is on one side wall and the warmth that emanates from that makes the room toasty.  To my left is a big picture window.  The Saco river and the mountains stretch out as far as the eye can see.  But all I am aware of at this moment is my grandmothers full attention, she is teaching me to sew.

Years have passed since this time.  We spent many afternoons in this space, learning how to use the sewing machine that she eventually gave me.  Learning how to thread the needle, thread the bobbin, press open seams and sew a straight line.  Right sides together, putting in a zipper, and learning to hand sew the hems.  Yet, even with all the years that have passed, each time I pull out the sewing machine I use now, each time I press open a seam, I am brought back to those times.

Whether it is knitting, sewing, working with glass or paints, there is a quieting of my mind that allows me to sit with the spirit in a way few other things do.  These are the times I am able to remember that it is God who forms me, remember what I value and cherish, remember how and through whom God forms me.


Psalm 139

Lord, you have searched me out and known me;
you know my sitting down and my rising up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.

You trace my journeys and my resting-places
and are acquainted with all my ways.

Indeed, there is not a word on my lips,
but you, O Lord, know it altogether.

You press upon me behind and before
and lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is so high that I cannot attain to it.

Where can I go then from your Spirit?
where can I flee from your presence?

If I climb up to heaven, you are there;
if I make the grave my bed, you are there also.

If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

Even there your hand will lead me
and your right hand hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will cover me,
and the light around me turn to night,

Darkness is not dark to you;
the night is as bright as the day;
darkness and light to you are both alike.

For you yourself created my inmost parts;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I will thank you because, I am marvelously made;
your works are wonderful, and I know it well.

My body was hidden from you,
while I was being made in secret
and woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes beheld my limbs, yet unfinished in the womb;
all of them were written in your book;
they were fashioned day by day,
when as yet there was none of them.

How deep I find your thoughts, O God!
how great is the sum of them!

If I were to count them, they would be more in number
than the sand;
to count them all, my life span would need to
be like yours.

What helps you to quiet your mind?  What in your life helps you to tend your soul and your Spirit?  We are each marvelously made, we are each here to live out the story that is being written through us.  Who are the characters in your life that have been important?  Who's kitchen can you picture in your minds eye?

Today I give thanks for my grandmother and mother that were both very gifted and talented in the fiber arts.  I am grateful for the passion and creativity that they have nurtured in me.

What makes you think?

Recently I have spent a fair amount of time thinking, researching and working with ideas of Theology.  What does it mean and most importantly why do we care?

Religion is one of those places in our lives that has it's own language.  When I first entered seminary it became clear very quickly that everyone there spoke a language that I didn't know.  What was hermeneutics, soteriology or dogmatics?  I had no clue about my theology of salvation, redemption or any thing else for that matter.  I remember someone coming up to me after a class and saying they would really like to talk about my theology of redemption, he really liked it and wanted to know more.  Walking away all I could think was what had he heard me say that he deemed theology and what did he want to know more about? 

What I knew at that point in my life was that I love God with a passion that just wouldn't go away.  My belief in God and my experience of God was one that was central to my life and my understanding of how I lived.  God was something that was ever present in my life, even when I turned my back.  It was this unshakable thing inside me that no one could take away.  Somehow I knew that the only way my life would make sense would be if I could bring a message of hope, healing and love that I knew to be God, to those in my midst. 

But what was this whole Theology thing? 

A definition of Theology is: "The study of religious faith, practice, and experience, especially the study of God and of God's relation to the world."  Well, that is actually very helpful.  I wonder if you take a breath and reflect for a second, could you share how you feel about God, why God matters, or why God doesn't matter.  Maybe God matters profoundly, but the Church or religion makes little difference.  How do we give thanks for the many blessings in our lives, and where do we look to for courage, hope and direction?  What does community have to do with God, is it necessary or helpful?

Words are a wonderful and necessary thing.  But, in many instances, they can bog us down, confuse us, or even make us feel less than.  I would invite you to think of yourself as a theologian for a while.  Look at the world through the lens of faith.  Where do you see God?  Why are you reading this post at all?  Making meaning of your life through the lens of your faith is theology. 

"Where people pray is church, where there is church there is no loneliness."  Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Over time I have come to know and apprecite the language of our faith and of the religious traditions.  Reading and coming to know about those in our past that spent much time in prayer and reflection giving voice to the mystery that is God is an amzing gift of the church.  It also allows us to deepen our faith in ways we cannot imagine.  Let us begin again by reminding ourselves how much God matters to us and why.  

Thank you for mud puddles.

"That child is the self through whom we have access to the vitality and youthfulness of God. She or he is the one who reflects the creativity, sensitivity, and vibrant imagination of the Love which is our maker and mother." Martin L Smith


Years ago when I was first starting in recovery from addiction, one of the models for healing was getting to know your "inner child".  For some, this was a crazy idea, and for others they were unable to ever balance the adult and the child.  It was a very helpful and important tool in healing for me. Having compassion for myself and learning what self-care and support were supposed to look like really became possible when I was able to use the image of  that child. 

I remember vividly picturing a young girl, with long braids, overalls and bright red high top converse sneakers.  Imagining her on this piece of property my family owned years ago on Keaser Lake in Lovell, Maine was wonderful.  It was quiet there, peaceful and I can still see the light dancing off the water.  Meditations using this imagery were important times in developing my relationship with God.  It was time when I could step back, stop the noise in my head and feel God's presence. 

Why is the model so helpful?  As I write this I don't even like the language, model.  Why as adults do we let the spirit and authenticity of our child be in the past?  Why are we so determined that to be whole, to be successful, to be OK, we must be grown up? 

It is true and important that as adults we are required to maintain responsibilities that children do not.  We are expected to behave in certain ways that are socially acceptable.  This is fine and good.  But when we get to busy, when we let ourselves be taken over by the responsibilities of this life we have created, sometimes we forget how to breath.  Sometimes we forget the playful, creative nature that God placed in us and that God values so much. 

"Children have authority in the kingdom; they embody and communicate the vulnerability, the openness, the elan, the reaching out for life of God's Spirit."  Martin Smith

Today is a day of restlessness, expectancy, and the knowledge of change on the horizon.  Childlike curiosity and joy are blessings that are within our grasp.  The openness and love of the child within each of us longs for our attention.  We must not negate that part of ourselves as not important, not serious enough, not of value.  It is that part of ourselves that can best help us see and experience the mystery and beauty of our lives, it is that part of ourselves that can help us rejoice in the everyday. 

Gracious God,  Thank you for this day.

Thank you for high top red sneakers.

Thank you for braids that were sometimes to tight.

Thank you for the gift of playfulness,

for curiosity,

for laughter,

for mud puddles,

for marbles and street chalk.

Thank you for jump ropes.

Thank you for bikes.

Gracious God, Thank you for the child within each of us

that longs for your love and knows it far better than we

do on most days. 

Thank you for the patience that child has with us as we move

through our busy and important lives.

Thank you for the playfullness, creativity and joy that is your

spirit living through us. 

Gracious God, help me to rejoice in the childlike nature that is

within me. 

Amen.

How is the Spirit working in our lives?

How is the Spirit working in our lives, where is the path leading?  The last couple of months have been incredibly rich with new learning, stretching my comfort zone, stretching the limits of time and tasks.  But with that has comes some really wonderful new knowing, much of which I am still searching for language for. 

The Spirit is always working in our lives, sometimes in ways that we know and can name, other times it is a slow gradual, shifting. 

For years one of my favorite Lenten meditation books is one written by Martin L. Smith, "A Season for the Spirit".  As is God's way with me so often, I picked it up the other day and it immediately started to speak to me.  Lent is a time of reflection and refinement, a time of letting go and renewing.  This can only be done deeply when we are honest about where we are in our lives of faith, where we are in the lives we lead and where God is in all that. 

"The Spirit can help me today to understand a little better the interplay of Yes and No in my life.  There is a self within me that says No to hope, No to myself, No to others, No to opportunities, the self that allows everything to take on the darkness and rigidity of that cave inside where life seems frustrating and hurtful." 

There are times when we meet people and as their story unfolds a resilience,a sense of spirit is obvious.  As parents most of us want so much to make sure our children are happy, well and supported.  We wish for them love, joy and peace.  Yet, there are times that as human beings life unfolds the way it does.  People lose their jobs, money becomes sparse and the stress on a family is huge.  Marriage and relationships are challenging and sometimes even with the best intentions, prayer and hard work, people part ways.  Tragedy happens in some families, death, addiction, imprisonment all cause pain, loss and fear. 

Each of us know people that fall into any of these catagories, each of us can identify with a life described here.  Regardless of the experience that has formed us, we each must find those places in ourselves that cause us to say NO to the life that God is calling us to.  Some of the strongest most resilient people I have met or admire came from very challenging circumstances. 

"Can I also hear within myself the voice which pronounces a real Yes to God and to the life in which I meet God?  Can I hear a Yes from within which trusts and believes, which hopes and asks, which reaches and strives, which accepts and recieves?  Can I hear within myself a  Yes  which trusts the love of God and accepts our extream vulnerability at the same time without pretence?" 

It is truly looking back on the experiences in my life that I know how deeply I have been formed by those times that were so painful.  Finding our way through life and the decisions we make can be a maze, a place where we hit walls, or feel trapped with no way to get out.  Maybe we have times when we feel abandon or mislead.  I have been blessed in my life, I know the love of my family and friends.  Many of the lessons I had to learn were ones I was warned about, things I was taught that either never registered or I thought I knew better.  God alone knows us, God alone knows those places within us that long for love.  God is always there even when we think not, God will be that voice when we can hear no other, God is with us in the maze of life, and God longs for us to say Yes. 

"Can I hear a Yes from within myself which is deep because it is an acceptance of a way of love which works through our vulnerability? "

The quotes today are all from "A Season for the Spirit", Martin Smith.  In closing today, I am aware of the blessing of God, of time and those times in my life that have formed me so profoundly. I am reminded of my faith, my strengh and desire for a very intentional Yes to God. 

"Breath of God in me, God has said Yes to me by giving you to me as my helper and source of the new life I want.  The faith you are giving me will help my Yes to life gradually to sound stronger than the NO of my mistrust.  The hope you are stirring in me will help my Yes overcome my timitdity.  The love with which you are impregnating me will melt the barriers behind which I have been taught to live and help me say Yes to myself, to others and the God in whom we all live and move and have our being.  Amen" 
Martin Smith

How can the sacred shape us?

What do we think about the idea that the sacred must sometimes change to shape us?  What is it like to meet God outside of our comfort zones, outside the norms we were brought up with?

In the early years of the church Lent was a time when those that were not baptized spent years preparing for this sacrament.  Education about the creeds, the catechism, history of the church, and the doctrine of our faith were central to preparation.  Personal prayer, reflection and preparation of body, mind and spirit was the foundation.

This is also true today in many ways, but it looks very different.  When Jesus was baptized, the sky opened and God proclaimed that Jesus was his son, that he was prouder of him than we can imagine and loved him to the moon and back.  Ok, those aren't God's words exactly, but I believe them to be true.  God loves us with this same overwhelming power.

"Still, Notes on a Mid-Faith Crisis", is a book written by Lauren f. Winner.  In it is a very interesting story about the poet Anne Sexton, an award winning poet. We hear about her faith.   Most of her life she struggled with depression and other metal health issues.

"Once, when she was in a mental hospital, a Catholic priest came to visit her.  'Well,' she said to him, 'I've lost it all.'  The priest sat in her room and read her own poems aloud to her and she said, 'Look, I'm not sure I believe in God, anyway,' and he said, 'Your typewriter is your altar.' Sexton said, 'I can't go to church. I can't pray.' The priest said, 'Your poems are your prayers.'  Later she said she'd like him to baptize her, and then she'd like to take Communion.  He replied that she'd have to study the faith first, the councils, the creeds.  'I can't do that, Father Dunn....It would ruin....my thinking: I'd want Him to be my God, anyway.  I don' want to be taught about Him; I want to make Him up."  When he left her room, she asked him to pray for her. 'No," he replied, 'You pray for me."

The idea of her typewriter being her altar, her poems being her prayers is one that really resonates with me.  We each have places that we are able to be in touch with God, places and ways that we are able to pray. Being in relationship with God in ways that are intimate and sacred is a very personal thing.  What is your altar?  What do your prayers look like?

The idea of "making God up", is not the way I experience the journey, but I do believe that God is far greater than our human mind can fathom.  Each of us have stories and experiences that affirm for us the existence of a power greater than ourselves.  As Episcopalians we are called to look through the lens of scripture, tradition and reason to make meaning of our lives with God.  This allows us to enter into the life of the sacred in ways that challenge and transform us.

I was very touched by the Priest in this story.  I would like to have him visit me as the journey unfolds.  What do you hear?  Why was he asking for her prayers?

The Catechism tells us the "The sacraments are outward and visible signs of inward and spiritual grace, given by Christ as sure and certain means by which we receive that grace."  BCP, 857

We are also told that: "Grace is God's favor towards us, unearned and undeserved; by grace God forgives our sins, enlightens our minds, stirs our hearts, and strengthens our wills."  BCP 858

Lent is a time of preparation and prayers. It is a time to remember who God is in our lives, to spend time and wonder what difference all this makes, and to walk the journey with Jesus as he shows us the way.

"O God of unchangeable power and eternal light:  Look favorably on your whole Church, that wonderful and sacred mystery; by the effectual working of your providence carry out in tranquillity the plan of salvation; let the whole world see and know that things which were cast down are being raised up, and things which had grown old are being made new, and that all things are being brought to their perfection by him through whom all things were made, your Son Jesus Christ our Lord.  Amen.
  BCP  291