Forgiveness, hope, creativity and love.

"Henri's entire ministry was built around Jesus' farewell address in the Gospel of John in which Jesus says, "I have called you friends"; "I will not leave you orphaned";" I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you"; "My peace I give to you"; "As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you"; and "You will have pain, but your pain will turn to joy." For Henri, Jesus' revelation was primarily in the real of relationship; in Jesus, God invites us into a relationship of forgiveness, hope, creativity, and love." 
From; "The Essential Henri Nouwen, edited by Robert A. Jonas

Forgiveness, hope creativity and love.  I find it really interesting that forgiveness is before hope.  Hope continues to be an important theme for me this advent.  Hope that God can stoke the fire of love and passion within me.  Hope that we can experience God in the lives we live.  Hope that when we experience that fire we are driven into the world to be a sign of God's love. 

What gets in our way?  So often we live with messages from our past or from the world around us that we are not enough, we don't have enough or some form of shame based negative message.  Those dark messages, those places within us that hide or squash God's passion do not reconcile with the God of my understanding.  God's love and compassion are so vast that we truly do not have the capacity to warp our hearts and minds around it.  As human beings we listen to our elders, parents, teachers, ministers.  We listen as children, we come to the world with wonder and innocence.  When fear and darkness replace the wonder, God struggles to shine through. 

Forgiveness can be looked at as removing a veil.  What would it be like to let go of the messages that stand in your way?  What would it be like to stand still and listen?  Have you ever been for a walk in the woods in the wintertime?  You are the only one there.  The stillness surrounds you, the breaking of a branch, startles you, and the quiet feels like a blanket surrounding you.  In the stillness you experience a knowing, a knowing that allows you to remember that you are God's beloved, a knowing that the fear of those messages was not your fear.  The fear of those messages was about something or someone else.   

At this time of Advent, ask yourself what those messages are that block the light of God's presence within you.  How are messages of fear and shame darkening your way?  Prayers of forgiveness for those people or institutions that are the source of those messages can be offered up to God.  I am not suggesting that this is easy or that these prayers will be needed only once.  Discipline is a crucial element of the Christian walk. As we are reminded in the Gospel of John, "I will not leave you orphaned"; "I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you."  But, I am here to suggest that if we do offer up those prayers, if we do then move to embrace hope, creativity and love, it is in those places that we will experience God's grace. 

Advent is a time of preparation, a time of making room.  Could forgiveness be a form of cleaning out our basements?  Letting go of all those things that we really don't need, and perhaps are suffocating who we are and who God is calling us to be. 

Why are we watching?

Advent is a time of preparation and wonder.  Recently I have been aware of how much I really love Advent.  Why?  What is so different about our lives, our circumstances this day?  During prayer and writing it came to me that Hope is central to the journey to the manger.  Hope in new life, new paths, new beginnings. 

Could we be watching with the hope that we will be found?  One of the significant differences between Advent and Lent is the difference between honest self appraisal and preparation of the self.  Let me explain.  Lent is a time where we know that like everyone else we have parts of who we are that block our way from being in right relationship with God.  In Christian language, our sins stand in the way of our being the authentic light and love that God so calls us to be.  Throughout the year we ask for God's forgiveness as we prepare for Eucharist.  Advent is a time when we prepare for and make room for new life.  We are again reminded of how it is truly with God that we live our lives with joy and purpose.  Advent is the time when we prepare for the sacred presence of God living within and around us. 

Within each of these seasons comes a very intentional message of hope that we are not alone.  We are on this road of life with a divine source that continues to want more of us than we can imagine.  But Advent allows us to know that it is never to late.  God is always ready and longing to be with us, ready and longing to bring new life and joy through us into the world. 

We are watching so that we can be found. We are watching because we never really know when or how Christ will be born into our lives. 

I have added a list of special Advent resources on the right hand side of this site.  Please explore any and all of them.  Most of all I encourage us to spend time in prayer and reflection.  Some may do this in the traditional way, others may choose to do it while running, walking, painting or playing your favorite instrument.  How are you making room for the presence of the divine in your life? 

I look forward to hearing from any of you about disciplines or practices that you are using.  Do you have memories of years past and the new births that you can see and remember in retrospect? 

I end this post with a prayer written by Michelle Thomas-Bush.  She is today's writer of the "Following the Star" advent meditations.  I encourage you to visit, the music and images are beautiful, as is the reflection. 

"Let us begin Advent, waiting.

Not the “going back to sleep” kind of waiting.

Not the impatient pacing, or the wasted anxiety of waiting.

Not even the passive-aggressive waiting that says, “Really? We’ll see.”

Let us begin Advent, waiting.

Getting up and joining the adventure,

Even when we don’t know where it will take us.

Shifting the impatient waiting to expectant living.

Boldly claiming the Good News that we know will come.

Waiting with joy as we reach out with the grace of God that is so much more than amazing.

Let us begin Advent."

Life from Wakefield to Ireland

Advent is upon us.  It is a time when we are called to see the many places that God breaks into our lives.  We are called to prepare and nurture that place deep within us that longs for the all powerful love of God.  Look around your life......what do you see?

Lent. The Presence of God.

The Presence of God

Bless all who worship you, Almighty God,
from the rising of the sun to its setting:
from your goodness enrich us,
by your Spirit guide us,
by your power protect us,
in your mercy receive us,
now and always. 

This is a prayer from the website: www.sacredspace.ie   The Irish Jesuits

Lent is a time in the Christian year that takes us from the end of winter, through the thaw and mud, through the puddles and fog, into the longer days of spring.  Lent is the time that we remember the 40 days Jesus spent in the desert without food.  We are called to remember that Jesus went through suffering to make him stronger and more trusting in God.  Each of us have times of suffering that we carry.  I do not believe that God wants us to suffer, but given our lives, most of us do.  How is it that during those times of trial and pain that we turn to God?  How have we come to trust that God is there of us?  How are we stronger because of our faith? 

Each year many of us think of different disciplines that we can do during this time to bring us closer to God.  The aim is to reorient ourselves yet again.  By that I mean we are human, with that comes the tendency to forget that God is central to our lives and the world we share. 

So many of us are able to go about our lives without really being present.  We can pray, attend worship, perhaps even serving others in different ways, but when does it become rote?  When are we on automatic pilot?  Lent is the time that we are invited to turn and remember.  Remember who it is that calls us back to the love that is central to our faith, and whose we are, the God that created each of us, and loves us beyond our wildest imaginings. 

This year I find myself needing to pull myself into the present.  How is it that I can be present to God, to those around me and ultimately myself if my mind and heart are always spinning.  

The Presence of God:

As I sit here with my book, God is here.
Around me, in my sensations, in my thoughts
and deep within me.
I pause for a moment, and become aware
of God's life-giving presence. 

www.sacredspace.ie

Let us all think of ways that we can spend time with God this day.  Perhaps writing, painting, photography, or yoga.  God longs for us to slow down, take a deep breath, let a warm smile take place on your face, or just relax all those muscles that you didn't even know were tense. 

What happened to you today as you turned toward God?  What was your experience?  Welcome to the journey.  God is so good. 

What is darkness?

Almighty God, Give us grace to cast away the works of darkness and to put on the armor of light now in the time of this mortal life in which your Son Jesus Christ came to us in great humility that on the last day when he shall come again in his glorious majesty to judge the living and the dead, we may rise to the life immortal; through him who is alive and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen  BCP 211



As I sit and write this it is snowing hard outside. Many are home from school and work. Life in New England in the winter is one of nesting inside, of paying attention to the weather and listening. LIstening to what it is telling us and listening to what we know to be safe, smart and healthy. It has taken me many years to discover that staying put, listening and being present is just as useful as bulling my way around. I came from Maine; I can drive in anything. Being able to drive and be safe when I need to is very different from making decisions that fly in the face of common sense. Oh how long it takes some of us to learn. God is so wonderful and patient, so calm and gracious.



The church begins its new year on Advent 1. During that first week of advent the collect uses beautiful language that I believe can serve us throughout the year:

"Almighty God, Give us grace to cast away the works of darkness and to put on the armor of light". During this time of the year it is easy for many of us to feel the presence of darkness in ways we don't at other times. The days are shorter, the sun is out less, and the cold is hard for many. I would like us to think about this from a different perspective. Perhaps, this is the time of the year when we are being called to take the time to reflect, to get quiet and listen. The prayer asks us to cast away, asks us to take action. We are asking for God's help, but we need to make the decision to first notice the works of darkness and then be willing to push them aside for light and love.



What are works of darkness? My guess is for each of us that will mean something different. I would also suggest that we also are being called to look at corporate darkness. By this I am talking about the world around us. Each of us lives in a community and all we need do is look around and see the areas of darkness that cast a shadow on all of our lives. As Episcopalians we are called to hold our personal journey and our lives in community in tension. One is very often a reflection of the other.



As individuals we have the faith journey that is our personal path with God. Each one of us knows the ways that we can push God to the side. There are actions that we do not take because we know they are wrong. The obvious sins of murder, theft, adultery are ones that most of us can reflect on and breathe a deep sigh of relief. If we are not careful, we can feel a bit superior or righteous about ourselves. Aren't we good!



Are we good or are we safe? When we are in any relationship, it requires time, attention and commitment. Those people that have made the biggest difference in our lives are the very people that we may struggle with, the people that know our flaws and our gifts. God knows us in ways that we will never know ourselves. The life of faith is the journey of discovery, the journey of coming to know God through the lens of our lives. When we stay on the surface of our life experience, we cannot have an experience of God in an authentic way. We must continue to have the courage to cast out the darkness of greed and fear, resentment and anger. Each of us has those places in our lives that we want to hide, maybe even from ourselves, but certainly from others. Those are the very places that God most wants to shine light. There is nothing you have thought of or done that God doesn't know about, or that someone else hasn't struggled with. When we ask God to grant us the grace to cast out the darkness, what would that mean for you?



We see darkness each time we turn on the TV or our computer screen. Just last week an nine year old girl was killed in Tucson, Arizona. She was beginning to be interested in politics and the world around her. US Representative Gabrielle Giffords was to speak outside the local grocery store and this young girl wanted to see her, wanted to hear her speak. That same morning a young man woke up to a new day. We have found out since that he struggles with many emotional demons, but on that day, his anger and distorted reality caused him to shoot nineteen people. Among them was the nine year old girl who died on the scene. The US Rep. Gabrielle Giffords has at this point survived being shot in the head. Help us to cast away the darkness. This was a normal day in Tucson, Arizona, a day to go to the grocery store, meet someone new, a day like any other day. Yet, on this January 8, 2011, the world stood still for many.



LIving in community is how we are created. We are called to live together, to love and learn. But, the many ways that we each experience darkness is reflected in society each day. We struggle with the fear of not having enough which manifests in greed and poverty. The need for power and security is as pervasive in our society today as it has since time began. The gap between those with and those on the margins continues to widen. That deep dark place within us that feels empty continues to manifest in division, discrimination and hatred. Organized religions of the world continue to struggle with these very same issues. How often do the barriers that we set up between ourselves and the world stop us from shinning God's light in those dark places. I would suggest this happens every day.



As we begin this new year, we have so much to be grateful for. Central to our gratitude can be the persistent and yet, very patient love of God. We are called to be a people of love and light. We are called to look at the other and look for the face of Jesus.



What would our lives be like if we were to make a conscious decision to cast away the darkness, to really ask God to help us push it aside and watch, breathe, and come to know the light and love of God. This is a new year, let us not make promises that we can't keep, or even ones that matter little in the scheme of things. Let us pray for God's love and guidance to be present to ourselves and our relationship with God. Let us pray for the courage and faith to be part of the world around us in ways that God calls us to.



"Gracious God, give us grace that we may cast away the works of darkness, and put upon us the armor of light.

A Friendship Blessing

A Friendship Blessing

May you be blessed with good friends.
May you learn to be a good friend to yourself.
May you be able to journey to that place in your soul where
there is great love, warmth, feeling, and forgiveness.
May this change you.
May it transfigure that which is negative, distant, or cold in you.
May you be brought in to the real passion, kinship, and affinity of belonging.
May you treasure your friends.
May you be good to them and may you be there for them; may they bring you all the blessings, challenges, truth,
and light that you need for your journey.
May you never be isolated.
May you always be in the gentle nest of belonging with your anam cara. 

By John O'Donohue


"May you be able to journey to that place in your soul where there is great love, warmth, feeling, and forgiveness." 

The idea of journeying to a place in my soul is one that jumps out at me today.  This has been and continues to be a great summer.  Journey seems to be a theme that I have been able to play with a lot.  Until recently, journey always was something that I read about, reflected on in a metaphorical way, or just plain wondered about.   Recently I returned from a trip to Ireland.  The journey began long before the plane left the ground and continues to move me. 

Words have become one of those things that I love to play with and continue to peak my curiosity.  In seminary we were encouraged to take Greek and Hebrew so that we could really see and play with language.  I could not do everything, so that was not one of the areas that I was able to tackle but wonder if I might some day.  But, today I just went to a dictionary, and wanted to look at what the word journey really means.  This is what I found:

a. The act of traveling from one place to another; a trip.

b. A distance to be traveled or the time required for a trip: a 2,000-mile journey to the Pacific; the three-day journey home.

2. A process or course likened to traveling; a passage: the journey of life.

v. jour·neyed, jour·ney·ing, jour·neys

To make a journey; travel.

This was found on a Free dictionary site on the web.  Moving from one place to another, traveling in time and space, and yet, so much of my life I wonder if the longest journeys haven't been within me.

"May you be able to journey to that place in your soul where there is great love, warmth, feeling and forgiveness."

 As far away as Ireland is and seemed, without doubt this is the longest journey of all.  A life of faith invites us to a way of being that is both very personal and very much in community.  Each of us is called to this in different ways.  One of the things that continues to surface as a challenge for me is to keep these in balance.

 When we are on any journey we need to know who we are and what we need.  Packing all the right things is one of the first challenges.  This is especially true in this day and age of flying and being charged for everything, it seems.  What are the proper shoes? How many cloths should you bring and what kinds of cloths will you need or want in my case?  Be sure to have the  proper medications, and of course, any hygiene products that feel like a must.  Are you a person that can go, go, go, and never need any down time?  Or are you a person that wants to see, learn and experience things, but also need some time to let it sink in?  Do you make meaning in your world by talking to people and making different experiences thought connection?  Or is it possible to feel like you can blend into the scenery and come to know the place form the inside out? 

As I learn more about journey, I am learning to be more gentle on myself and more inquisitive about who I am.  We spend many years of our lives trying to change and perhaps improve who we are.  This is important and fundamental to growing up.  But I am coming to know that in that growing process, a key element is meeting oneself, as if meeting an old and special friend.  Think of someone in your life that you love and respect, not in a casual way, but in that way that comes from experience or knowing that they really are someone "important" to you.  When I do this, I do not think of that person's shortcomings, or ways that that person could or should change.  I think of the ways that I feel genuine love and caring for that person.  I think of things they have said or done that have changed or influenced who I am.  I think of things that I have learned and loved because of knowing them. 

"May you be able to journey to that place in your soul where there is great love, warmth, feeling, and forgiveness."

What would it be like to think of ourselves in that light?  What would it be like to think of that place within us, that place we could call the soul, as a place of great love, great warmth, a place that the journey can either originate from or can be the destination. 

Faith is a lifetime journey, one that is never stagnant, one that is always full of surprises.  My prayer today is that we can honor different aspects of this path.  John O"Donohue says, "Prayer is the act and presence of sending this light from the bountifulness of your love to other people to heal, free, and bless them.  When there is love in your life, you should share it spiritually with those who are pushed to the very edge of life.  There is a lovely idea in the Celtic tradition that if you send out goodness from yourself, or if you share that which is happy or good within you, it will all come back to you multiplied ten thousand times.  In the kingdom of love there is no competition; there is no possessiveness or control." 

Today as I write, I honor the journey within, the journey that is our path of faith and truth.  It is important for all of us to continue to know and articulate that journey that leads to that place of love, warmth and forgiveness.  Today is important to remember that it is from that place that God can most effectively speak.  It is from that place that we can most effectively hear God.  Today I am reminded that the journey can be many things, can move in many directions, and always makes life interesting. 

"May you be able to journey to that place in your soul were there is great love, warmth, feeling, and forgiveness." 

Today I give thanks for the journey that is life and God's grace in it all.

What is a Spiritual Person?

A question that was posed to me today could seem like
a simple one, but when I let my mind wander I
was yet again suprised where it went.  I pose the
question to you.

Think about the images that come to mind when
you think about who you are as a
spiritual person.  What pictures do you see?
What stories come to mind? 

When I think about myself as a spiritual person today my mind wanders back to a time in my life when I did a lot of guided meditation. This was a time in my life where I was very focused on healing. It seems really unimportant today what I was healing from and more important that I was so passionate about the journey.

One of the places that I would go in my mind was this very peaceful place on Kesar Lake. Our family had a plot of land right on the water. My then husband and I spent some of our most wonderful time there. It was an old broken down building. No plumbing, no electricity, no phones, no internet. It had been let go for many years. My grandfather had loved this place and it was his fishing cabin. As a young married couple we had very little, but we both loved the idea of getting away. We both knew very little about what peace or contentment felt like. We lived in a busy world and had very busy minds. We would go and camp at this place.

Many afternoons I spent cleaning out the very old kitchen and living space. Nature had taken over as the years had gone by. This was a wooden structure and the windows were old and there was no insolation. This was an old fashioned fishing cabin. The kitchen had a wonderful large farmer’s sink with a pump. It was a rich black color and had lived through much. There were cupboards that were still filled with old dishes. Today we would call it china. Much of it was cracked and dirty, but through the dust, you could see pink roses, and green leaves. Cracks splinted out from points of origin that one will never know about. Yet, pilled high were dinner plates, cups, saucers, serving dishes, and other random items that were undoubtly used to serve meals at one time. What was the story behind these dishes? Who had eaten these meals?

One of the most wonderful parts of this cabin was the wraparound porch. This was a large and screened in area where many hours could be spent. There was room for a table, chairs and seemed to be calling out for rocking chairs. This was one of the first areas that we cleaned out and made usable. We fixed the screens and put boards up over then so that we could begin the process of protecting this treasure from the wildlife and the elements. It felt magical to sit in the rocking chairs, listen to the loons out on the lake and play cards. We would use lanterns and kerosene.

Why does this flood back as I try to answer a question about being a spiritual person? Life was hard at this time, but there was something wonderful about the peace of new love. There was something wonderful about sharing this journey with someone else. It was so peaceful and at times exciting to explore a new place, a place that was full of history and yet could be an open canvas of new possibilities. I think for both of us we also felt very in touch with God there. The distractions of our daily lives felt far away. The pressures of our lives and the expectations that we were trying to figure out, could rest.

Waking in the morning was a wonderful time. I say this not because I ever like waking up from a wonderful, peaceful, deep sleep. I say this because if you have ever seen the mist rise up over a lake, only to expose the light dancing off the water, you know what I mean. I have a photograph somewhere, which is in my mind’s eye right now. Danny was in a canoe, all by himself, maybe our golden retriever was with him, but I don’t see him. He was heading out on the lake in the fog. Peace, quiet, grace, these are words that come to mind when I see that image.

We built a dock that made it possible to sit out on the lake and watch the sun come up and watch it go down. The water was so clear that you could see the rocks at the bottom of the lake. It was cold and yet more refreshing than any place I can remember.

Each Sunday night we would pack up our van with all our things. Each time leaving a few more items of our own, and head home to the world that was waiting. As I remember these times today I remember feeling fresh, new, ready for the week ahead. The water, the sleep, the smell of the fire, and the fresh cooked food, all felt like a form of nourishment it was hard to get anywhere else.

I discovered this place after I was married, but also after my mother passed away. I knew that it had been a big bone of contention in my family. There were those that wanted to sell this property, and my mother never did. Yet, we never went there, and never spent any time there. I do believe that for my mother this place was in some way representative of unfulfilled dreams, of a time gone by that she would never know. In some ways looking back now it may have become the same for me.

During the year after we had found this place, my father was offered a large amount of money for the property. He knew of our new found love of the place and our desire to over the years make it our own. All I can remember is begging him not to sell it. But as we all know, sometimes in life we don’t always know what the bigger picture is. Or we are unable to change another’s thoughts or behavior. My dad sold the property anyway. It was one of those big losses that I can still feel as I write this. It was clearly not mine to hold, but the images and experience of Grace stay with me today.

Ahh, but that is not the story here. Over the years when I go to meditation and feel like I want to go to a special place in my soul, this is where I go. In my mind’s eye, I can see the lake as it stretches out before me. Sometimes I feel like a small child in overalls and high top red sneakers. Sometimes I feel like the woman I have become. Today that woman can discover that peace and contentment in the world around her. When she can’t she knows how to step away, how to remove herself from the world long enough to refresh her soul and spirit. Today when I think of who I am as a spiritual person, I can see the young girl with the high top sneakers walking hand in hand with a woman, a loving, compassionate, strong, smart and faithful woman. Today I can know that with all the brokenness that is part of being human, with all the challenges that make up the story of my life, I know that God has been my companion all along the way. God is there the days I feel more like the child and we can be very playful, and encourages and empowers me as the woman that can’t wait to tell the world about how absolutely amazing God really is.

Sometimes in our journey there are places and times that we can go back to that remind us of who we are and where we came from. Sometimes those same places can be touchstones for our lives in faith. Today, I give thanks and remember that camp. I give thanks for my time there and my grandfather whose spirit lived there. Where are places in your life that you can see when you close your eyes, those places that remind you of the ever present love of God?