Reflections on Life by Rev. Sue

What is growing beneath the surface?

2012-01-17T08:26:00.000-08:00

It is a cold, snowy January morning here in New Hampshire. As the snow settles a peace comes over the land. Each step makes a squeeking sound as it touchs the earth. The whilte blanket that covers the ground still looks pristine. This will not last long. Soon footprints of many sizes, shapes and varities will mark the canvas. Rain that is expected later in the day may take some of it away, or at the very least change the texture and appearance.

As this new year begins we are invited into a time or wondering, wandering and prayer. What new life lives beneath the cold and ice? What new life is being born in us this day? This prayer from John O"Donohue is one I offer up as a tool for reflection.

"For A New Beginning"

In out-of -the-way places of the heart,

Where your thoughts never think to wander,

This beginning has been quietly forming,

Waiting until you were ready to emerge.

For a long time it has watched your desire,

Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,

Noticing how you willed yourself on,

Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.

It watched you play iwth the seduction of safety

And the gray promises that sameness whispered,

Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,

Wondered would you always live like this.

Then the delight, when your courage kindled,

and out you stepped onto new ground,

Your eyes young again with energy and dream,

A path of plenitude opening before you.

Though your destination is not yet clear

You can trust the promise of this opening;

Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning

That is at one with your life's desire.

Awaken your spirit to adventure;

Hold nothig back, learn to find ease in risk;

Soon you will be home in new rhythn,

For your sould senses the world that awaits you.

From the book: To Bless the Space Between Us, Joh O'Donohue

Our Body as Gift

2012-01-05T07:18:00.000-08:00

"Through running we learn about succeeding and failing, about reaching pasts the probable and accomplishing the impossible. The struggle to find one's potential as a runner is the most frustratingly satisfying pursuit that many of us never undertake.

Running is the greatest teacher there is. Running is a kind but insistent instructor. It listens but doesn't compromise.

What you learn is often determined by what you need to know. If you think you're weak, you will learn that you are strong. If you think you are indestructible, you will learn that you are fragile.

In the end, though, you will learn that you are human. You are no more and no less than all those who are learning their lessons as you learn yours."

John, Bingham, Jenny Hadfield

As I look back over my life, I have had a love - hate relationship with exercise. Growing up we lived in a place that allowed us to be very active. We had sports fields in our back yard, tennis courts, access to basketball courts and weight rooms. We lived on the campus of a private school and my dad was in the administration there.

This summer was a time of reflection. As I sit here this day looking back at the young girl that I was, I feel very sad. She was very lonely and insecure. Recently I had the opportunity to talk to my sister in law about working out and just general issues of staying fit. My brother had just recently told her that I was the athlete in the family. It never ceases to amaze me how we perceive ourselves is seldom how others see us. As I shared with her, in my minds eye, he and my brother were the jocks in the family.

Riding my bike was freedom. Putting my things in my backpack, waving goodbye, getting on my light blue 10 speed and speeding out the driveway was bliss to me. I felt the strength in my legs. But most importantly I was free of all the stress and demands that were in my house. I could choose which road to take. I could choose how fast or how slow to go. One of my favorite things was the feeling of letting go of the handle bars and riding without holding on. My back straight and strong, my head high and the wind blowing through my hair.

Playing tennis was one of the things that I could do either with a friend or by myself. There was a large brick wall in the back of the school that many of us would use to bat tennis balls against. Someone drew the height of the net on the bricks with chalk. I would spend hours there, by myself hitting the balls. It felt great when the racket and ball would connect. I felt strong and clear. It was a place that I could put all the energy, anger and frustration. In those days I knew nothing about the struggles that were haunting me, this was my life.

Sometime during our adolescence someone put up a basketball hoop in our yard. My brothers and I would go out and shoot hoops a lot. I remember playing HORSE for hours. It used to drive my mother crazy, she never understood why a girl wanted to do that and why I wanted to do it so often.

The stillness under the water is the most amazing thing. Swimming was always important to me and something that I was good at. Even today, I love the feeling of laying in the water, floating and having my ears under the water, quiet, still, peace.

This past october I realized that I was so out of shape that I couldn't stand it anymore. I found myself looking around and people were doing all these fun and interesting things and I was sitting, watching TV, knitting, reading, or shopping. And of course eating. None of these things are bad or wrong. I still enjoy each of them. But since then I have embarked on a program of wight loss and fitness. I feel so much better and am down 26 lbs.

My largest barrier today are the messages that I have in my head. I want to believe that I am good enough, that what I do is good enough. I want to claim the part of me that is athletic. I want to feel good in my body and know that I am strong and fit.

As we enter this new year it is important not just to make New Years resolutions, but to reflect on all the gifts God has given us. How are we using the gift that is our body? How are we taking care of the vessel that carries us around, allows us to be in this world? Where are those places that we could give back to God by taking better care of who we are?

"What you learn is often determined by what you need to know. If you think you're weak, you will learn that you are strong. If you think you are indestructible, you will learn that you are fragile.

In the end, though, you will learn that you are human. You are no more and no less than all those who are learning their lessons as you learn yours." Jenny Hadfield

Gracious God, thank you for the blessing of my healthy body. Thank you for the ability to move, to run and to play. Help me to rejoice in the gift you have given me, Help me to rejoice and claim myself as an active person. Gracious God, thank you for the gift of exercise in my life and all that is has and will continue to give me. Amen.

In Your LIght

2011-12-21T07:16:00.000-08:00

In Your Light

God, Thank-you for my life of love and joy,

triumphs and defeats.

Thank-you for my quiet time today,

and my desire for it.

Thank-you for the magical temple of your creation,

Earth, Sun, Sky and Sea.

God, help me to honor that little child

that lives within me today.

Help me to love her as she

waits longingly for my attention.

Help me with unconditional love and

tolerance as I learn my lessons.

God, Help me to remember your presence at the

times I want to give up.

Help me to remember the sparkle in her eyes,

the flecks of light in her hair, and the love

in her heart.

Help me to love her, as I am able to love others.

Help me to see the God within me, as I

am able to see God in others.

Help me to not abandon her with all her might

and glory, all her spunk and laughter.

Help me to not leave the child alone.

Help me to hold and nurture her.

Help me to love her in the

light of you today.

Help her to dance and play

in the warmth of your love today.

Help her to not feel the fear,

But feel your love and light

as it shines on her.

Help her to feel the warmth of the rays from the sun,

the strokes of the wind,

the music in the sky and the rhythm from the sea.

Help her to know she is a precious and

joyful gift of your creation.

Help me to honor and have patience

with the woman who brings her to you.

Help me to turn to you in times of pain and struggle,

for strength and courage, as well and solace and peace.

God, Help me dance to the music

in my heart today.

Help me to shine in the light

of you today.

Help me to be a beacon to those lost

in their journey.

Help me to love myself and others

in the light of you today.

Help me to live in the truth

of your will and to continue to

have the desire to see it.

Help me to continue to listen

to you with the intensity of my desires.

Help me feel the presence of your love

and guidance today.

Help me to take as good care

of myself as I do others.

Help me to be as patient with myself

as I am with others.

With all my love and joy, gifts and imperfections, thank-you for my path, and my awareness of it. Thank-you for letting me be part of your beautiful creation, the Universe.

Amen

Reverend Sue Poulin, 2000

Birthing New LIfe

2011-12-20T06:14:00.000-08:00

"Beholding his glory is only half our job. In our souls too the mysteries must be brought forth; we are not really Christians till that has been done."The eternal birth," says Eckhart, "must take place in you." And another mystic says human nature is like a stable inhabited by the ox of passion and the ass of prejudice; animals which take up a lot of room and which I suppose most of us are feeding on the quiet. And it is there between them, pushing them out, that Christ must be born and in their very manger he must be laid-and they will be the first to fall on their knees before him. Sometimes Christians seem far nearer to those animals than to Christ in his simple poverty, self-abandoned to God." Evelyn Underhill

The birth of this divine presence must take place in us. How does that happen? Have we been aware of it happening in the past? How is it happening today?

Birthing is a messy, loud, disruptive process. Women that have given birth will tell you that it has changed their lives. Not just because of the child that came into the world, but also because of the transformation that takes place in their bodies. A woman can prepare for delivery, take classes, learn to breath, bring the right music and choose a picture that can help focus in times of transition. Many of these tools work at different times. Sometimes I think the primary function of this preparation is to give us something to do, some action we will be able to take, that we will have some control. Ah, but when the time comes, how much control do we really have?

New life comes into the world on most occasions after being pushed through a very small space. At random times thunder shudders through the body and movement is the only remedy. Push, use every bit of strength that you didn't even know you had to move life.

Imagine being in the safest, warmest, most comfortable place possible. Imagine being all curled up, warm water surrounds you, all your needs are met without any thought or action needed on your part. Imagine coming into this world. The light is bright, the air is cold, and everything is so loud.

New life comes to us when we are stripped of all our defenses, of all the ways we protect ourselves. God calls us to grow and move though out all the days of our lives. We are called to live in this very bright, loud and busy world. The good news is that our eyes become accustomed to the light, our ears adapt to the noise and we become part of the world we come into. But perhaps we forget that we are able to change and grow? Maybe we forget that with each new challenge God calls us to, we are not alone.

New life is a messy, loud and very disruptive process. Kicking and screaming are intricate parts of new life. Giving up control happens one way or the other.

How is it that we are resisting the new life that God is wanting to birth in us? How are we trying to hold on to the warm safe place that we live. Even if that warmth and safety are the result of knowing and familiarity.

"Father, we give you thanks for these heavenly gifts. Kindle us with the fire of your spirit that when Christ coms again we may shine as light before his face; who is alive and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God now and forever. Amen. " Book of Common Prayer, Church of Ireland, pg. 243

"Conversations with Mary"

2011-12-16T09:09:00.000-08:00

"The Annunciation: Conversations with Mary"
-Fredrica Harris Thompsett, PhD

Mary, we've landed on your feast! Help us, we beseech thee, find common voice with you and with one another.

Mary, theotokos, God-bearer, help us travel with our humor and our pain as we seek to be God-bearers in our own day!

Mary, Sweet Mother have we traveled this far only to be put in places where we are "acceptable," places were we "fit" as long as we "are seen but not heard"?

Ah Mary, surely you know that reality all too well, the one about learning "in silence with full submission".(1 Timothy 2:11)!

Blessed Mary, if we can hear your voice anew, perhaps we can learn to challenge those in our own day who fear and distrust women.

Mary, Mother of Mercy, help us shed our placid timidity!

Mary, Co-Redeemer, you give birth to a new humanity and a new community born of suffering and of undefeated hope. Help us embrace new life.

Mary, Mother of Compassion, have we forgotten you said "Yes!" to the liberation of oppressed peoples?

Mary, Mother Bird with a mature womb and hope-filled wings, push us out of the warm nest, help us fly onward and outward!

Mary, Sister and Mother, teach us to proclaim hope amid the reality of aching pain.

Holy Mary, are not we ourselves the God-bearers of this age: women stepping forward together and saying "Yes!" Let it be with us according to your word(Luke 1:38)

*Information about the Annunciation: The Annunciation, also referred to as the Annunciation to the Blessed Virgin Mary or Annunciation of the Lord, is the christian celebration of the announcement by the angel Gabriel to Virgin Mary, that she would conceive and become the mother of Jesus the Son of God. Gabriel told Mary to name her son Jesus, meaning "Savior". Many Christians observe this event with the Feast of the Annunciation on 25 March, nine full months before Christmas. According to Luke 1;26, the Annunciation to Mary occurred "in the sixth month" of Elisabeth's pregnancy with the child later called John the Baptist.

Waiting

2011-12-15T03:36:00.000-08:00

Waiting is not something that many of us are good at. As americans we are used to the immediate gratification of fast food, instant apps, drive thru coffee, buying a book on your phone or computer and any of the many ways we do not have to wait.

Making room for God is by it's very design a process. It is personal to each of us and God calls us each by name. What do we miss when we don't allow ourselves to wait, to anticipate, or ultimately feel the unbridled joy of receiving?

How is God calling you to wait? What are the places in your life that feel restless? Perhaps feelings of resentment, jealousy or envy creep into the recess of your mind and heart. Maybe fear manifests itself as insecurity, control or self sabotage. Each of us has experienced these different things at times in our lives. Advent is a time to reflect on the many blessings that we have, to sit in the waiting and dare to dream. Share your dreams with God, allow yourself to pause, breath and wonder. Where is God calling you to change your life?

Waiting.....Is there an app for that? I don't think so and for that we can all be very greatful. What are your dreams? God is waiting......

"God did a good job today"

2011-12-13T07:48:00.000-08:00

Each of us has things in our lives that we know we have to do, but hate. For some of us there are good reasons, and for others they are just not things any of us like. Going to the dentist is one of those things for me. My struggle with this aspect of self care is of no relevance here. What does cause me to pause is my experience yesterday.

Meeting with my dentist was not something that I was in anyway looking forward to. I am in the process of making some serious decisions about work that needs to be done. This will affect me physically and financially. Avoidance is no longer an option. So I entered this office with fear and trepidation.

This man is a person of tremendous faith and sees his work as a ministry. He couldn't wait to tell me about his experience with his son this past weekend. My prayers have been and continue to be, that God will help me with my fear and give me courage where I feel none. God reveals Gods self when we least expect it, or maybe when we are watching and listening. The first thing I heard as we began our meeting was this story.

This father and son were skiing at Bretton Woods ski area. As they rode up the chair lift they could see the mountain range as it surrounded them. Their turn came to ski off the lift and prepare to ski down the mountain. The first big run of the year. The 5 year old looks up at his father and says, "God did a great job today!" As dad recounts the story, he stops and took a deep breath, paused and said, "Yes, he did!" Given the fact that it is 2011, he took out his iphone and asked his son to pose so that he could remember this moment.

God revels Gods self in places and in ways we cannot imagine. It is our job to pay attention. To stop and pause, to take a deep breath and say Yes, Thanks be to God. The rest of the appointment went fine and God will, as God always does walk with me through this.

The song, Mary, sung by Patty Griffin reminds us of Mary is such beautiful ways. We are also reminded of Jesus as child, as son, as the Divine that sacrificed all for us. As this time in Advent we are called to remember Mary and her sacrifice for us. She to was the parent of a young child, a child that reminded her and continues to remind all of us that God is with us and that it is in fact, all very good.

He came to testify to the light!

2011-12-09T11:51:00.001-08:00

John the Baptist (right) with child Jesus, painting by Bartolomé Esteban Perez Murillo

The Gospel reading for the Third Sunday of Advent is from John 1:6-8, 19-28. "He came as a witness to testify to the light, so that all might believe through him. He himself was not the light , but he came to testify to the light." When I see John in my minds eye, I see the big, burly man, dressed in rough cloths, and demanding our attention on every level. I have never thought of him as a child.

The paining above caught my attention as I was doing research this week and I have not been able to let it go. I find my eyes continually being drawn back to it. Why? Jesus and John playing like little boys do. Maybe they are playing in the mud, trying to build something. Have Mary and Elizabeth told them not to play with sharp objects? What is that stick they have found? I love the sheep looking up at Jesus. The look of love and a sense of presence at his feet. John is working hard, physically pressing forward to put that stake in the ground. What does it mean to them? Jesus handing John a drink, here take this cup.

Images of children bring up feelings that cross the gamut. For some it is a reminder of times past, special, playful, simple times. Others are reminded of the losses of abuse or neglect. Missing children that have passed is a grief most of us can't imagine. Mary and Elizabeth came to know this pain. For most of Elizabeth's life she knew the empty hole that comes with being unable for whatever reason to not have children. Darkness, loss, grief are central to the story of God coming amongst us. But with that needs to come the hope of new light and life. The joy and simplicity of childhood if only in our hearts. Jesus and John playing in the dirt, chubby little legs and playing with sharp objects. What will their lives bring, what do they know on that day?

John came to witness to the light of God, that is about to come among us. Seeing him as a child, playing with Jesus opens the lens of this passage anew. How do we experience the light of God, coming to us in the most vulnerable being, when we see it through the eyes of a child? John, a big, burly, loud prophet-braving his way through the wilderness, was once a small boy, playing in the mud with his best friend.

Collect from the Nativity of Saint John the Baptist: June 24

"Almighty God, by whose providence your servant John the Baptist was wonderfully born, and sent to prepare the way of your Son our Savior by preaching repentance: make us so to follow his teaching and holy life, that we may truly repent according to his preaching; and, following his example, constantly speak the truth, boldly rebuke vice, and patiently Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, on God forever and ever. Amen."

Meeting God face to face.

2011-12-08T04:23:00.001-08:00

" The whole message of the christian scripture is based in the idea of metanoia, the change of heart that happens when we meet God face to face."

Diane Butler-Bass

Meeting God face to face. Can you imagine? How amazing would that be? What would I want to talk about? What would I want to ask?

Would I know it was Jesus? This week I have been really wondering about ministry. What are we called to do and how? There are many things that I am not sure of, but, the one thing that I know in my bones is that love is central to how I believe that God manifests. This is a word that is used freely in our world. We sign letters, emails, and even txts, "I love you. But how is our heart changed by the way God loves us?

The dictionary defines Love as a profoundly tender, passionate, affection for another person. It also could be a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection. We are each individual children of God. We believe that we are created in that image. Yet, God created us human as opposed to divine. We are called to live into the light that is God's love for us. We are loved as we make mistakes, as we wander off the path and feel the isolation of reacting to the emptiness and fear that lives deep in our souls.

Desmond Tutu tells us that Africans believe that "a person is a person through other persons." Fundamental to our humanity is that "we are set in a delicate network of interdependence with our fellow human beings and with the rest of God's creation." Living, working with and loving other people is the most difficult thing we do. I also believe that it is the most important thing we do. That is our work here.

As christians we believe that God is our creator, the loving father of Jesus, the source of love that gives our lives meaning and purpose. Imagine looking up and somehow you knew that God had just walked into your kitchen. Oh my God, not, OMG, but Oh my God! What are you doing?

As I try to imagine this scenario, my first thought is how do I know this is God? What does God look like? Is God the neighbor across the street that has taken care of your leaves while you were at work? Maybe God is the chairperson of the local food pantry? We have grown up with different images of what people think Jesus may have looked like, but God? The only thing that I can conclude is that feeling in the pit of my stomach when I know something, really know it.

Wandering around the kitchen wanting to tidy up for God. Now this seems really stupid!! Yet, here I go, clearing off the island so at least there is a place for us to sit. Sit??? Who sits and talks with God? Breath, this is your story, maybe we sit and talk to God more than we even know? I glance up and there is an impish smile emanating from this source of my anxiety.

"Be still and know that I am God." That really doesn't seem fitting for my kitchen. Maybe "Breath, It's all good." I can hear that. My God must drink coffee. "Would you like a cup?" "That would be great."

Tentatively I sit down. I look up and wonder why me, and what do I say? We each sip our coffee. "God, I feel really excited, but nervous beyond words that you are here. There is so much I want to say and yet, I can't think of one thing right now."

"Tell me about your life? How are things? Why do you think I was drawn here?"

"Why were you drawn here? I have no idea, so let me start with telling you about my life. "

Be surprised!!

2011-12-06T09:58:00.001-08:00

"What matters in the deeper experience of contemplation is not the doing and accomplishing. What matters is relationship." Loretta Ross-Gotta

Today had been one of those days where each thing that I have tried to complete has required so many more steps than are really needed. Each thing I thought might be quickly accomplished either required information I didn't have, couldn't find or required making phone calls.

Many times in my life it has been these days that have eventually turned into a day of complete lack of productivity. This is due to my eventual giving up and being worn down by my own struggle and frustration. This struggle and frustration is almost always with myself. Why aren't I more organized? Why didn't I keep that piece of paper? What are your questions? I am praying that you have some also.

Advent is a time of reflection and renewal. It provides us with a time of intentional prayer and discernment. One of the books that I am using this Advent is: "Watch For the Light, Readings for Advent and Christmas." It is a collection put together for each day. Today's reading is: "To Be a Virgin" by Loretta Ross Gotta.

After running around my space, looking everywhere for a prayer that I wanted to include today, I kept thinking, let it go, let it go. I eventually stopped and sat down with my prayerbook and this advent reflection book and began to breath. One of the first things I was reminded of was the above quote.

"What matters in the deeper experience of contemplation is not the doing and accomplishing. What matters is relationship."

Mary was a young woman, some would argue girl. Many believe she was around the age of 16. When the angel asked if she would carry Jesus, God incarnate, she said yes. Really in the scheme of things she asked very few questions.

"It may be good and well for Mary to offer space in herself for God to dwell and be born into the world, but few of us possess the radical belief such recollection requires."

How is it that we create space for God to be born again in our lives? Where is the fertile ground for which something to grow? We do this not by doing all the right things, not by trying to be something we aren't. We do this by believing and loving the spirit that lies with each of us, that is growing each breath we take.

"The redemption of the creation is resting on the consent-the choice of this mortal woman to believe fearlessly that what she is experiencing is true. And to claim and live out that truth by conceiving the fruit of salvation."

Claiming and living out our truth is a central tenant to our faith. We are called to be the instruments of God's love and word in the world around us. We are called to speak the truth even when that feels hard. We are called to live into the love and passion that Jesus came to teach us. It is through that very love and passion that we are called to love others. We must love ourselves as we would love those around us.

"We think we have to make Christmas come, which is to say we think we have to bring about the redemption of the universe on our own. When all God needs is a willing womb, a place of safety, nourishment, and love."

Each year as I pray with and about Mary I am in awe of her offering, her willingness to say Yes! Yet again, in my hustle and bustle of needing to get things done, it has been in the stopping that I am really only able to say Yes. It is really only with the reminder that God continues to move and grow in each of us. When we can breath, give thanks and let go, God has a far more open door.

"In the end, when all other human gifts have met their inevitable limitation, it is the recollected one, the bold virgin with a heart in love with God who makes a sanctuary of her life, who delivers Christ who then delivers us."

Years ago, a man far older and wiser than I used to ask me the same questions each time God needed him to. Do you have all you need today? My answer, regardless of how hard I thought my life was, was always yes. Then he would tell me to start my day over again. My day has begun again. How is it that we can made sanctuaries of our lives? How is it that we can say Yes, to the lives God is calling us to live? How can we remember the things that are most important?

On this December day, let us remember all those that mean so much to us. Let us give thanks for the many blessings we have. God continues to call us out of our comfort zone but we are not alone.

Loretta Ross-Gotta ended her reflection with the following statement. I offer it to you as we all go out to the world in a new way. Be surprised!!!

" What if, instead of doing something, we were to be something special? Be a womb. Be a dwelling for God. Be surprised."

Amen!!

"I Stand By the Door"

2011-12-03T06:39:00.001-08:00

Recently in conversation this poem has come up and I was able to share it. It is without doubt one of my favorite poems of all time. Now with the gift of technology we also have a reading.

Who was standing by the door for you? What was that like? Are you able to stand by the door today?

The lectionary Page:

SAMUEL SHOEMAKER

PRIEST AND EVANGELIST, 1963

Sam Shoemaker, DD, STD (1893-1963), was an Episcopal priest who was instrumental in the Oxford Group and founding principles of Alcoholics Anonymous. Dr. Samuel Moor Shoemaker was the rector of the Calvary Church in New York City, which was the United States headquarters of the Oxford Group. Bill Wilson attended Oxford Group meetings at the Calvary Church and Sam was instrumental in assisting Bill Wilson with the writing of the bookAlcoholics Anonymous (nickname: The Big Book). Bill acknowledged this linkage when he wrote in the book, A.A. Comes of Age (page 39):

In 1917, Sam Shoemaker had been sent to China to start a branch of the YMCA and to teach at the Princeton-in-China Program. There, in 1918, feeling discouraged, he first met Frank Buchman who told him of the four absolutes, honesty, purity and unselfishness and love. Later, Shoemaker would speak of the meeting as a major influence for the start of his ministry, that being the time when he decided to let go of self and let God guide his life

Bill Wilson, in 1955, would later give credit to Sam Shoemaker whom he referred to as a co-founder of AA.

" It was from Sam Shoemaker, that we absorbed most of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, steps that express the heart of AA's way of life. Dr. Silkworth gave us the needed knowledge of our illness, but Sam Shoemaker had given us the concrete knowledge of what we could do about it, he passed on the spiritual keys by which we were liberated. The early AA got its ideas of self-examination, acknowledgement of character defects, restitution for harm done, and working with others straight from the Oxford Group and directly from Sam Shoemaker, their former leader in America, and from nowhere else."

Rev. Shoemaker wrote over thirty books, at least half of which were circulating before A.A.’s 12 Steps were first published in the Big Book in 1939."

Advent Conspiracy 2011

2011-12-02T08:09:00.001-08:00

Gracious God, be in.......

2011-12-02T07:49:00.001-08:00

Gracious God, be in.......

"Holy God, be in my mind
that I might let go of all
that diminishes the
movement of Your spirit
within me.

Discerning God, be in my
eyes, that I might see You
in the midst of all the busyness
that fills my life.

Loving God, be in my
heart, that I can be open
to those I love, to those
with whom I share
ministry and to the whole
human family.

Gracious God, be in that
grace filled silence that
lies deep within, that I
might live in Christ
as Christ live in me.
Amen" CREDO

Have you ever laid your head on the pillow at night with a running list of all those things you so wished you had finished that day. Phone calls, cards or bills mailed, loops closed that you were sure today was the day these would get done. Yet you lay there thinking, where did my day go? How could I already be this exhausted, how could it be time to get some sleep?

My guess, or prehaps, my hope, is that we have all experienced this. Recently a friend of mine posted on facebook: ""I would like a refund on this past month. The November I received clearly only had about five days in it. Thank you." Laughing out loud is one of those things I love, and this person hit the nail on the head for me. Where did it go?? Others seem to be getting so much more done than I, or are they?

Who do we hold ourselves up to? Who and maybe more importantly why do we feel the need to compare ourselves to others? Each and every one of us know deep in our hearts how we can best use our day. We all know that we live in the reality of this world. Demands of jobs, family, friends and community pull us out, pull us away from that still small voice within. This is not to say that any of these things aren't blessings and important. But how often do we allow these needs to block the room that God is trying to settle in, to grow?

"Loving God, be in my
heart, that I can be open
to those I love, to those
with whom I share ministry
and to the whole
human family."

Most of those demands and expectations are increased significantly during this season. The season we are called to prepare for new life, to make room for the rebirth of our lives with God.

Prehaps, today we can take a deep breath. What is really important today? What ways must I be responsible to commitments that I have made? What ways can i be present to God, both within me and the world in which I live?

Forgiveness, hope, creativity and love.

2011-11-30T06:49:00.001-08:00

"Henri's entire ministry was built around Jesus' farewell address in the Gospel of John in which Jesus says, "I have called you friends"; "I will not leave you orphaned";" I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you"; "My peace I give to you"; "As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you"; and "You will have pain, but your pain will turn to joy." For Henri, Jesus' revelation was primarily in the real of relationship; in Jesus, God invites us into a relationship of forgiveness, hope, creativity, and love."
From; "The Essential Henri Nouwen, edited by Robert A. Jonas

Forgiveness, hope creativity and love. I find it really interesting that forgiveness is before hope. Hope continues to be an important theme for me this advent. Hope that God can stoke the fire of love and passion within me. Hope that we can experience God in the lives we live. Hope that when we experience that fire we are driven into the world to be a sign of God's love.

What gets in our way? So often we live with messages from our past or from the world around us that we are not enough, we don't have enough or some form of shame based negative message. Those dark messages, those places within us that hide or squash God's passion do not reconcile with the God of my understanding. God's love and compassion are so vast that we truly do not have the capacity to warp our hearts and minds around it. As human beings we listen to our elders, parents, teachers, ministers. We listen as children, we come to the world with wonder and innocence. When fear and darkness replace the wonder, God struggles to shine through.

Forgiveness can be looked at as removing a veil. What would it be like to let go of the messages that stand in your way? What would it be like to stand still and listen? Have you ever been for a walk in the woods in the wintertime? You are the only one there. The stillness surrounds you, the breaking of a branch, startles you, and the quiet feels like a blanket surrounding you. In the stillness you experience a knowing, a knowing that allows you to remember that you are God's beloved, a knowing that the fear of those messages was not your fear. The fear of those messages was about something or someone else.

At this time of Advent, ask yourself what those messages are that block the light of God's presence within you. How are messages of fear and shame darkening your way? Prayers of forgiveness for those people or institutions that are the source of those messages can be offered up to God. I am not suggesting that this is easy or that these prayers will be needed only once. Discipline is a crucial element of the Christian walk. As we are reminded in the Gospel of John, "I will not leave you orphaned"; "I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you." But, I am here to suggest that if we do offer up those prayers, if we do then move to embrace hope, creativity and love, it is in those places that we will experience God's grace.

Advent is a time of preparation, a time of making room. Could forgiveness be a form of cleaning out our basements? Letting go of all those things that we really don't need, and perhaps are suffocating who we are and who God is calling us to be.

Why are we watching?

2011-11-29T08:19:00.001-08:00

Advent is a time of preparation and wonder. Recently I have been aware of how much I really love Advent. Why? What is so different about our lives, our circumstances this day? During prayer and writing it came to me that Hope is central to the journey to the manger. Hope in new life, new paths, new beginnings.

Could we be watching with the hope that we will be found? One of the significant differences between Advent and Lent is the difference between honest self appraisal and preparation of the self. Let me explain. Lent is a time where we know that like everyone else we have parts of who we are that block our way from being in right relationship with God. In Christian language, our sins stand in the way of our being the authentic light and love that God so calls us to be. Throughout the year we ask for God's forgiveness as we prepare for Eucharist. Advent is a time when we prepare for and make room for new life. We are again reminded of how it is truly with God that we live our lives with joy and purpose. Advent is the time when we prepare for the sacred presence of God living within and around us.

Within each of these seasons comes a very intentional message of hope that we are not alone. We are on this road of life with a divine source that continues to want more of us than we can imagine. But Advent allows us to know that it is never to late. God is always ready and longing to be with us, ready and longing to bring new life and joy through us into the world.

We are watching so that we can be found. We are watching because we never really know when or how Christ will be born into our lives.

I have added a list of special Advent resources on the right hand side of this site. Please explore any and all of them. Most of all I encourage us to spend time in prayer and reflection. Some may do this in the traditional way, others may choose to do it while running, walking, painting or playing your favorite instrument. How are you making room for the presence of the divine in your life?

I look forward to hearing from any of you about disciplines or practices that you are using. Do you have memories of years past and the new births that you can see and remember in retrospect?

I end this post with a prayer written by Michelle Thomas-Bush. She is today's writer of the "Following the Star" advent meditations. I encourage you to visit, the music and images are beautiful, as is the reflection.

"Let us begin Advent, waiting.

Not the “going back to sleep” kind of waiting.

Not the impatient pacing, or the wasted anxiety of waiting.

Not even the passive-aggressive waiting that says, “Really? We’ll see.”

Let us begin Advent, waiting.

Getting up and joining the adventure,

Even when we don’t know where it will take us.

Shifting the impatient waiting to expectant living.

Boldly claiming the Good News that we know will come.

Waiting with joy as we reach out with the grace of God that is so much more than amazing.

Let us begin Advent."

Life from Wakefield to Ireland

2011-11-28T16:58:00.000-08:00

Advent is upon us. It is a time when we are called to see the many places that God breaks into our lives. We are called to prepare and nurture that place deep within us that longs for the all powerful love of God. Look around your life......what do you see?

Lent. The Presence of God.

2011-03-11T12:44:00.000-08:00

The Presence of God

Bless all who worship you, Almighty God,
from the rising of the sun to its setting:
from your goodness enrich us,
by your Spirit guide us,
by your power protect us,
in your mercy receive us,
now and always.

This is a prayer from the website: www.sacredspace.ie The Irish Jesuits

Lent is a time in the Christian year that takes us from the end of winter, through the thaw and mud, through the puddles and fog, into the longer days of spring. Lent is the time that we remember the 40 days Jesus spent in the desert without food. We are called to remember that Jesus went through suffering to make him stronger and more trusting in God. Each of us have times of suffering that we carry. I do not believe that God wants us to suffer, but given our lives, most of us do. How is it that during those times of trial and pain that we turn to God? How have we come to trust that God is there of us? How are we stronger because of our faith?

Each year many of us think of different disciplines that we can do during this time to bring us closer to God. The aim is to reorient ourselves yet again. By that I mean we are human, with that comes the tendency to forget that God is central to our lives and the world we share.

So many of us are able to go about our lives without really being present. We can pray, attend worship, perhaps even serving others in different ways, but when does it become rote? When are we on automatic pilot? Lent is the time that we are invited to turn and remember. Remember who it is that calls us back to the love that is central to our faith, and whose we are, the God that created each of us, and loves us beyond our wildest imaginings.

This year I find myself needing to pull myself into the present. How is it that I can be present to God, to those around me and ultimately myself if my mind and heart are always spinning.

The Presence of God:

As I sit here with my book, God is here.
Around me, in my sensations, in my thoughts
and deep within me.
I pause for a moment, and become aware
of God's life-giving presence.

www.sacredspace.ie

Let us all think of ways that we can spend time with God this day. Perhaps writing, painting, photography, or yoga. God longs for us to slow down, take a deep breath, let a warm smile take place on your face, or just relax all those muscles that you didn't even know were tense.

What happened to you today as you turned toward God? What was your experience? Welcome to the journey. God is so good.

What is darkness?

2011-01-18T18:23:00.000-08:00

Almighty God, Give us grace to cast away the works of darkness and to put on the armor of light now in the time of this mortal life in which your Son Jesus Christ came to us in great humility that on the last day when he shall come again in his glorious majesty to judge the living and the dead, we may rise to the life immortal; through him who is alive and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen BCP 211

As I sit and write this it is snowing hard outside. Many are home from school and work. Life in New England in the winter is one of nesting inside, of paying attention to the weather and listening. LIstening to what it is telling us and listening to what we know to be safe, smart and healthy. It has taken me many years to discover that staying put, listening and being present is just as useful as bulling my way around. I came from Maine; I can drive in anything. Being able to drive and be safe when I need to is very different from making decisions that fly in the face of common sense. Oh how long it takes some of us to learn. God is so wonderful and patient, so calm and gracious.

The church begins its new year on Advent 1. During that first week of advent the collect uses beautiful language that I believe can serve us throughout the year:

"Almighty God, Give us grace to cast away the works of darkness and to put on the armor of light". During this time of the year it is easy for many of us to feel the presence of darkness in ways we don't at other times. The days are shorter, the sun is out less, and the cold is hard for many. I would like us to think about this from a different perspective. Perhaps, this is the time of the year when we are being called to take the time to reflect, to get quiet and listen. The prayer asks us to cast away, asks us to take action. We are asking for God's help, but we need to make the decision to first notice the works of darkness and then be willing to push them aside for light and love.

What are works of darkness? My guess is for each of us that will mean something different. I would also suggest that we also are being called to look at corporate darkness. By this I am talking about the world around us. Each of us lives in a community and all we need do is look around and see the areas of darkness that cast a shadow on all of our lives. As Episcopalians we are called to hold our personal journey and our lives in community in tension. One is very often a reflection of the other.

As individuals we have the faith journey that is our personal path with God. Each one of us knows the ways that we can push God to the side. There are actions that we do not take because we know they are wrong. The obvious sins of murder, theft, adultery are ones that most of us can reflect on and breathe a deep sigh of relief. If we are not careful, we can feel a bit superior or righteous about ourselves. Aren't we good!

Are we good or are we safe? When we are in any relationship, it requires time, attention and commitment. Those people that have made the biggest difference in our lives are the very people that we may struggle with, the people that know our flaws and our gifts. God knows us in ways that we will never know ourselves. The life of faith is the journey of discovery, the journey of coming to know God through the lens of our lives. When we stay on the surface of our life experience, we cannot have an experience of God in an authentic way. We must continue to have the courage to cast out the darkness of greed and fear, resentment and anger. Each of us has those places in our lives that we want to hide, maybe even from ourselves, but certainly from others. Those are the very places that God most wants to shine light. There is nothing you have thought of or done that God doesn't know about, or that someone else hasn't struggled with. When we ask God to grant us the grace to cast out the darkness, what would that mean for you?

We see darkness each time we turn on the TV or our computer screen. Just last week an nine year old girl was killed in Tucson, Arizona. She was beginning to be interested in politics and the world around her. US Representative Gabrielle Giffords was to speak outside the local grocery store and this young girl wanted to see her, wanted to hear her speak. That same morning a young man woke up to a new day. We have found out since that he struggles with many emotional demons, but on that day, his anger and distorted reality caused him to shoot nineteen people. Among them was the nine year old girl who died on the scene. The US Rep. Gabrielle Giffords has at this point survived being shot in the head. Help us to cast away the darkness. This was a normal day in Tucson, Arizona, a day to go to the grocery store, meet someone new, a day like any other day. Yet, on this January 8, 2011, the world stood still for many.

LIving in community is how we are created. We are called to live together, to love and learn. But, the many ways that we each experience darkness is reflected in society each day. We struggle with the fear of not having enough which manifests in greed and poverty. The need for power and security is as pervasive in our society today as it has since time began. The gap between those with and those on the margins continues to widen. That deep dark place within us that feels empty continues to manifest in division, discrimination and hatred. Organized religions of the world continue to struggle with these very same issues. How often do the barriers that we set up between ourselves and the world stop us from shinning God's light in those dark places. I would suggest this happens every day.

As we begin this new year, we have so much to be grateful for. Central to our gratitude can be the persistent and yet, very patient love of God. We are called to be a people of love and light. We are called to look at the other and look for the face of Jesus.

What would our lives be like if we were to make a conscious decision to cast away the darkness, to really ask God to help us push it aside and watch, breathe, and come to know the light and love of God. This is a new year, let us not make promises that we can't keep, or even ones that matter little in the scheme of things. Let us pray for God's love and guidance to be present to ourselves and our relationship with God. Let us pray for the courage and faith to be part of the world around us in ways that God calls us to.

"Gracious God, give us grace that we may cast away the works of darkness, and put upon us the armor of light.

A Friendship Blessing

2010-08-04T09:05:00.000-07:00

A Friendship Blessing

May you be blessed with good friends.
May you learn to be a good friend to yourself.
May you be able to journey to that place in your soul where
there is great love, warmth, feeling, and forgiveness.
May this change you.
May it transfigure that which is negative, distant, or cold in you.
May you be brought in to the real passion, kinship, and affinity of belonging.
May you treasure your friends.
May you be good to them and may you be there for them; may they bring you all the blessings, challenges, truth,
and light that you need for your journey.
May you never be isolated.
May you always be in the gentle nest of belonging with your anam cara.

By John O'Donohue

"May you be able to journey to that place in your soul where there is great love, warmth, feeling, and forgiveness."

The idea of journeying to a place in my soul is one that jumps out at me today. This has been and continues to be a great summer. Journey seems to be a theme that I have been able to play with a lot. Until recently, journey always was something that I read about, reflected on in a metaphorical way, or just plain wondered about. Recently I returned from a trip to Ireland. The journey began long before the plane left the ground and continues to move me.

Words have become one of those things that I love to play with and continue to peak my curiosity. In seminary we were encouraged to take Greek and Hebrew so that we could really see and play with language. I could not do everything, so that was not one of the areas that I was able to tackle but wonder if I might some day. But, today I just went to a dictionary, and wanted to look at what the word journey really means. This is what I found:

a. The act of traveling from one place to another; a trip.

b. A distance to be traveled or the time required for a trip: a 2,000-mile journey to the Pacific; the three-day journey home.

2. A process or course likened to traveling; a passage: the journey of life.

v. jour·neyed, jour·ney·ing, jour·neys

To make a journey; travel.

This was found on a Free dictionary site on the web. Moving from one place to another, traveling in time and space, and yet, so much of my life I wonder if the longest journeys haven't been within me.

"May you be able to journey to that place in your soul where there is great love, warmth, feeling and forgiveness."

As far away as Ireland is and seemed, without doubt this is the longest journey of all. A life of faith invites us to a way of being that is both very personal and very much in community. Each of us is called to this in different ways. One of the things that continues to surface as a challenge for me is to keep these in balance.

When we are on any journey we need to know who we are and what we need. Packing all the right things is one of the first challenges. This is especially true in this day and age of flying and being charged for everything, it seems. What are the proper shoes? How many cloths should you bring and what kinds of cloths will you need or want in my case? Be sure to have the proper medications, and of course, any hygiene products that feel like a must. Are you a person that can go, go, go, and never need any down time? Or are you a person that wants to see, learn and experience things, but also need some time to let it sink in? Do you make meaning in your world by talking to people and making different experiences thought connection? Or is it possible to feel like you can blend into the scenery and come to know the place form the inside out?

As I learn more about journey, I am learning to be more gentle on myself and more inquisitive about who I am. We spend many years of our lives trying to change and perhaps improve who we are. This is important and fundamental to growing up. But I am coming to know that in that growing process, a key element is meeting oneself, as if meeting an old and special friend. Think of someone in your life that you love and respect, not in a casual way, but in that way that comes from experience or knowing that they really are someone "important" to you. When I do this, I do not think of that person's shortcomings, or ways that that person could or should change. I think of the ways that I feel genuine love and caring for that person. I think of things they have said or done that have changed or influenced who I am. I think of things that I have learned and loved because of knowing them.

"May you be able to journey to that place in your soul where there is great love, warmth, feeling, and forgiveness."

What would it be like to think of ourselves in that light? What would it be like to think of that place within us, that place we could call the soul, as a place of great love, great warmth, a place that the journey can either originate from or can be the destination.

Faith is a lifetime journey, one that is never stagnant, one that is always full of surprises. My prayer today is that we can honor different aspects of this path. John O"Donohue says, "Prayer is the act and presence of sending this light from the bountifulness of your love to other people to heal, free, and bless them. When there is love in your life, you should share it spiritually with those who are pushed to the very edge of life. There is a lovely idea in the Celtic tradition that if you send out goodness from yourself, or if you share that which is happy or good within you, it will all come back to you multiplied ten thousand times. In the kingdom of love there is no competition; there is no possessiveness or control."

Today as I write, I honor the journey within, the journey that is our path of faith and truth. It is important for all of us to continue to know and articulate that journey that leads to that place of love, warmth and forgiveness. Today is important to remember that it is from that place that God can most effectively speak. It is from that place that we can most effectively hear God. Today I am reminded that the journey can be many things, can move in many directions, and always makes life interesting.

"May you be able to journey to that place in your soul were there is great love, warmth, feeling, and forgiveness."

Today I give thanks for the journey that is life and God's grace in it all.

What is a Spiritual Person?

2010-06-14T10:35:00.000-07:00

A question that was posed to me today could seem like
a simple one, but when I let my mind wander I
was yet again suprised where it went. I pose the
question to you.

Think about the images that come to mind when
you think about who you are as a
spiritual person. What pictures do you see?
What stories come to mind?

When I think about myself as a spiritual person today my mind wanders back to a time in my life when I did a lot of guided meditation. This was a time in my life where I was very focused on healing. It seems really unimportant today what I was healing from and more important that I was so passionate about the journey.

One of the places that I would go in my mind was this very peaceful place on Kesar Lake. Our family had a plot of land right on the water. My then husband and I spent some of our most wonderful time there. It was an old broken down building. No plumbing, no electricity, no phones, no internet. It had been let go for many years. My grandfather had loved this place and it was his fishing cabin. As a young married couple we had very little, but we both loved the idea of getting away. We both knew very little about what peace or contentment felt like. We lived in a busy world and had very busy minds. We would go and camp at this place.

Many afternoons I spent cleaning out the very old kitchen and living space. Nature had taken over as the years had gone by. This was a wooden structure and the windows were old and there was no insolation. This was an old fashioned fishing cabin. The kitchen had a wonderful large farmer’s sink with a pump. It was a rich black color and had lived through much. There were cupboards that were still filled with old dishes. Today we would call it china. Much of it was cracked and dirty, but through the dust, you could see pink roses, and green leaves. Cracks splinted out from points of origin that one will never know about. Yet, pilled high were dinner plates, cups, saucers, serving dishes, and other random items that were undoubtly used to serve meals at one time. What was the story behind these dishes? Who had eaten these meals?

One of the most wonderful parts of this cabin was the wraparound porch. This was a large and screened in area where many hours could be spent. There was room for a table, chairs and seemed to be calling out for rocking chairs. This was one of the first areas that we cleaned out and made usable. We fixed the screens and put boards up over then so that we could begin the process of protecting this treasure from the wildlife and the elements. It felt magical to sit in the rocking chairs, listen to the loons out on the lake and play cards. We would use lanterns and kerosene.

Why does this flood back as I try to answer a question about being a spiritual person? Life was hard at this time, but there was something wonderful about the peace of new love. There was something wonderful about sharing this journey with someone else. It was so peaceful and at times exciting to explore a new place, a place that was full of history and yet could be an open canvas of new possibilities. I think for both of us we also felt very in touch with God there. The distractions of our daily lives felt far away. The pressures of our lives and the expectations that we were trying to figure out, could rest.

Waking in the morning was a wonderful time. I say this not because I ever like waking up from a wonderful, peaceful, deep sleep. I say this because if you have ever seen the mist rise up over a lake, only to expose the light dancing off the water, you know what I mean. I have a photograph somewhere, which is in my mind’s eye right now. Danny was in a canoe, all by himself, maybe our golden retriever was with him, but I don’t see him. He was heading out on the lake in the fog. Peace, quiet, grace, these are words that come to mind when I see that image.

We built a dock that made it possible to sit out on the lake and watch the sun come up and watch it go down. The water was so clear that you could see the rocks at the bottom of the lake. It was cold and yet more refreshing than any place I can remember.

Each Sunday night we would pack up our van with all our things. Each time leaving a few more items of our own, and head home to the world that was waiting. As I remember these times today I remember feeling fresh, new, ready for the week ahead. The water, the sleep, the smell of the fire, and the fresh cooked food, all felt like a form of nourishment it was hard to get anywhere else.

I discovered this place after I was married, but also after my mother passed away. I knew that it had been a big bone of contention in my family. There were those that wanted to sell this property, and my mother never did. Yet, we never went there, and never spent any time there. I do believe that for my mother this place was in some way representative of unfulfilled dreams, of a time gone by that she would never know. In some ways looking back now it may have become the same for me.

During the year after we had found this place, my father was offered a large amount of money for the property. He knew of our new found love of the place and our desire to over the years make it our own. All I can remember is begging him not to sell it. But as we all know, sometimes in life we don’t always know what the bigger picture is. Or we are unable to change another’s thoughts or behavior. My dad sold the property anyway. It was one of those big losses that I can still feel as I write this. It was clearly not mine to hold, but the images and experience of Grace stay with me today.

Ahh, but that is not the story here. Over the years when I go to meditation and feel like I want to go to a special place in my soul, this is where I go. In my mind’s eye, I can see the lake as it stretches out before me. Sometimes I feel like a small child in overalls and high top red sneakers. Sometimes I feel like the woman I have become. Today that woman can discover that peace and contentment in the world around her. When she can’t she knows how to step away, how to remove herself from the world long enough to refresh her soul and spirit. Today when I think of who I am as a spiritual person, I can see the young girl with the high top sneakers walking hand in hand with a woman, a loving, compassionate, strong, smart and faithful woman. Today I can know that with all the brokenness that is part of being human, with all the challenges that make up the story of my life, I know that God has been my companion all along the way. God is there the days I feel more like the child and we can be very playful, and encourages and empowers me as the woman that can’t wait to tell the world about how absolutely amazing God really is.

Sometimes in our journey there are places and times that we can go back to that remind us of who we are and where we came from. Sometimes those same places can be touchstones for our lives in faith. Today, I give thanks and remember that camp. I give thanks for my time there and my grandfather whose spirit lived there. Where are places in your life that you can see when you close your eyes, those places that remind you of the ever present love of God?

Seize the Day

2010-05-19T12:43:00.000-07:00

"In the silence of your hearts or in spoken words let us give thanks for the gift of this day and pray for the life of the world..." J. Philip Newell

Recently I have taken up a new hobby. Actually it is one that my mother tried to have me appreciate as a young child. I am learning to play the piano.

In our living room growing up we had a baby grand piano. It was black and the piano bench held sheets of wonderful music. But what I remember is that I loved to pick up the cover of this bench and let it slam shut. Not hard, not enough to hurt anything, but surly enough to bother my mother. The keys were tarnished over time and were a worn ivory color. It was fun to sit on the bench and pretend that I could play beautiful music.

My mother set up piano lessons with a Mr. Petillio. He taught music on the campus of the school where we lived. He was from Europe and had a very curious accent for a young girl. In all fairness to this man, I don't think he was used to young children. It is also important to note, no pun intended, that I was not a child with a long attention span. As hard as I try, I have very little recollection of these lessons. What I do remember is the regular arguing with my mother about practicing. Siting in the passenger seat of our family car, driving up the driveway, knowing that I didn't know my lesson, was never fun. Yet week after week, I would be relieved that that lesson was over and approach it exactly the same the upcoming week. Needless to say, I never became a gifted musician. At some point he must have convinced my mother that this was not working.

Sometimes in life, it is so funny to look back. Many of us spend a lot of time reflecting so that we can come to know ourselves better. Healing and coming to terms with a difficult past involves remembering these events, telling the story and looking at ways to move on from those places of brokenness and move into our lives today. This is important work and very sacred ground. But sometimes I find it really funny to look back at those times when life was funny, or I was mischievous, or even think, Wow, how did I miss that?

Playing the piano is one of my favorite things to do these days. I love to practice, I love to learn a new cord, a new song, or a new way of doing something. I love the work I do. It is a blessing to know how God can best use your gifts and talents in the world. My life has meaning and purpose. But all that said it is very hard for me to play. I am silly and often joyful. The time I experience that most is during worship. But I want to be able to play, be silly and relax outside of my work. Ahhhhhh, this is where the piano comes in.

"When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. From now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. And now fatih, hope and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love."

1 Cor. 13:11-13

Music is one of the ways that many are able to pray, play or grieve. Music speaks to our hearts and our souls. It can sooth us, comfort us, it speaks to us in ways nothing else does. Children experience faith on a very simple and authentic level. As we grow older we gather defenses and ideas that complicate and confuse the way we experience the world. Yes, it also informs the way we see the world, but sometimes don't we get in the way?

Going back to the piano at this point in my life has been a blessing. It is a time of meditation and peace. It can also be a time of fun and playfulness. It is good to grow and learn. I am no longer the child that cannot sit still. The child that just couldn't find the discipline amidst the turmoil in my home to learn new things. Today I smile when I look back and see her squirming on the piano bench, Today I have compassion for her desire to play and her complete inability to learn. Today it is she that gathers her books and hurries to her lesson. She hurries to her lesson with expectation and excitement.

For some life is short, for some life is long. The more people I meet and the more stories I hear, there is a common thread that jumps out. Curiosity and the desire to learn feed the spirit and the mind.

What are you curious about? What is something that you would like to learn or do?

Today I give thanks for patienct teachers and joyfull noise.

What do you give thanks for today?

An excerpt from a favorite poem:

" Of course I have always known you

are present in the clouds, and the

black oak I especially adore, and the

wings of birds. But you are present

too in the body, listening to the body,

teaching it to live, instead of all

that touching, with disembodied joy.

We do not do this easily. We have

lived so long in the heaven of touch,

and we maintain our mutability, our

physicality, even as we begin to

apprehend the other world. Slowly we

make our appreciative response.

Slowly appreciation swells to

astonishment. And we enter the dialogue

of our lives that is beyond all under-

standing or conclusion. It is mystery.

It is love of God. It is obedience.

Oh feed me this day, Holy Spirit, with

the fragrance of the fields and the

freshness of the oceans which you have

made, and help me to hear and to hold

in all dearness those exacting and wonderful

works of our Lord Christ Jesus, saying:

Follow me. "

From the Poem: Six Recognitions of the Lord, by Mary Oliver

Great Moments

2010-05-05T10:42:00.000-07:00

"When a great moment knocks on the door of your life, it is often no louder than the beating of your heart, and it is very easy to miss it."
                           John O'Donohue

It has been a long time since I have posted here and it is so odd and wonderful that I have missed it. Writing is one of those things in my life that I have such a love, hate relationship with. Other things that come under that category are exercise, eating well, or overall self care as opposed to instant gratification or comfort. Why is it that the very things that can help us to feel good, sometimes are the very things we most resist?

Writing has come to be one of those places that allow me to look at the world through a specific lens. Writing is a very significant way that I am able to stop and try to express the experience that we call life. For many this is either not something that they need to do, or perhaps you do it in different ways. Photography, music, painting, or other forms of the arts are common ways that people express who they are.

Long ago I read that the best writers were avid readers. Since I was a small child I have loved books. I love the way some books look. Open a book to a specific page and there, written down, are the very words that you were looking for. Learning is something that in my early life I struggled with a lot. I loved to escape to my room with a good book, to open the pages in the quiet and enter into the story that was before me. As children in my family, my mother read to us before we went to sleep each night. Looking back now, this went on much later than I would have thought. We were in middle school I think when she finally stopped. I remember this as a very calm and peaceful time. A time when we were encouraged to relax and let our minds wander. There were no expectations, no tests, just the voice of our mother and the story she held. Recently, I have thought many times that I don't think it is any coincidence that both of my brothers and myself are avid readers.

Everywhere I go books surround me. I have books on theology of all different forms and from all different perspectives. Fiction is one of the things I love very much, it continues to be a place where I can relax and breath. Biographies are a wonderful way to enter into history and come to know the voice of people that become friends. There are many other things that line my shelves, but what is important is the comfort and pleasure I find in writing.

Anam Cara, A Book of Celtic Wisdom, by John O'Donohue is one of the books that I am reading right now. " Anam is the Gaelic word for soul: cara is the word for friend. The anam cara was a person to whom you could reveal the hidden intimacies of your life." As I begin to read this book a few different thoughts have come to mind. The first is that over the course of my life there have been many people that have helped me reveal who I am and where the divine exits in the world. These moments in time come back to me as times of grace.

Who are the people in your life that have allowed you to come to know the intimacies deep within your own soul?

I am also reminded of what a life long journey this life is. God is ever present and yet, ever changing. Growing and learning about the interaction between our interior lives and the world around us is the very balance we seek. O'Donohue says: "since the birth of the human heart is an ongoing process, love is the continuous birth of creativity with and between us."

This posting began with quote about great moments. Today I am aware that one of the ways that I am able to see or be present in moments is to have the gift of writing about them. Writing is a primary way that I am able to feel like I am part of the world around me. Many times it is not until after I have written something that I am even aware that was in my heart or mind.

What are ways that you feel part of the life you live? How are you able to tell the stories that are hiding?

What do you see through that window? God is looking in with you or may be looking back. Maybe both at the same time. But we must look to know.

Alleluia

2010-04-17T09:30:00.000-07:00

"Life itself is an exercise in learning to sing Alleluia here in order to recognize the face of God hidden in the recesses of time." Joan Chittister

It is an Alleluia view of every present moment, a view that welcomes it's complexity and subjects it to the more lasting view, the long view of life."

Joan Chittister

Sitting here in my warm and comfy kitchen, I look out the window and snow covers the backyard. I live in New England, I love the change in seasons. Without doubt, by the time spring comes I am beyond ready for the cold to disappear and the hits of a warm breeze to sneak in. Recently, I was remembering being a child growing up in a small town in Maine. My grandparents owned an operated a dairy farm. They grew corn, hayed the fields and in the spring, boiled maple syrup. The buckets would be hung from the trees and the sap was would drip from a metal spout that had been inserted into the trunk. It was never my thing to help collect or do any of this. I loved the smell of the boiling sap, the smell of the wood burning and the cozy little building that housed the necessary equipment. As a young child my mother and grandmother would make homemade donuts and we would go over and dip them in the freshly boiled syrup. One of the other fun and exciting elements of this time was the very muddy road that lead to this place. We used to talk about mud season, it was a very real time of year. We would get special boots because your feet could sink so deep in the mud that you couldn't pull your foot up. You can imagine the fun a child would have pulling their socked foot out of the boot and having to walk in the mud.

It is fun to remember these times in childhood. Often in our lives, we remember those times that were painful, those places and people that left an imprint on our lives that we struggle to change or remove. Why sometimes is it easier to remember the times of suffering than the times of joy. Why sometimes is it easier to remember the times someone did something that was painful, than the times of joy or peace? Perhaps an important part of our healing journey is remembering and healing from those places. I know that has been incredibly important for me. But as I sit here, I am reminded how seldom I have thought of those very special times in my childhood that were fun or comforting They seem so magical and special now. But then, it was what I knew, it was just another day. There were other things that were distracting me, other things that my mind was always struggling with. Being in the present was not something I even had language for. Some of that was developmental, a longing to be somewhere else, to be something else. But how often do we miss life as it flies by, struggling to be in the moment? How I would love to remember how it felt to have my feet squishing in the mud.

"Uncommon Gratitude, Alleluia For All That Is." By Joan Chittister, Rowan Williams, is a book that I had been suggested to me. It came yesterday. I must admit that the idea of coming home to a box with new books on my doorstep is really wonderful. In just starting these reflections, I am very grateful for the reminder to look for God in the present. We are in those days after Easter in the year of the church and Jesus keeps appearing and the disciples don't recognize him. Hummmm, Would I? Would you?

I leave this today with a reflection from the book, written by Joan Chittister:

"Every segment of life is both gift and challenge, both endowment and responsibility. It is the warp and woof of the fabric we call time. The delicate interplay between the two has the power to rock us back and forth between total confidence and abject despair. We lurch through life between doubt and faith, between security and cloying uncertainty, between the enrichment that comes from differences and the divisions that come from fear. It is learning to cling to a sense of alleluia for both that carries us through life to that moment when everything in us has come to fullness and our only next step is immersion. in God."

Underwater

2010-04-14T05:36:00.000-07:00

"Circle me O God

Keep hope within

Despair without."

David Adam

There are times in life when what we see is not always what is there. Actually, I'm not sure that is true at all. What we see is in fact what "we" see. Perhaps what I am thinking about is how much we miss. This is a picture taken of a stream. Water is flowing quickly, waves ripple along the surface, a leaf is moving swiftly to it's next destination. Upon first glance would you have guessed that the grass and stones are under the flowing water? I ask this all with the assumption that you looked at the picture at all.

So much of life is right there for us to see and experience. I am beginning some reading on Celtic Spirituality. Today I begin a book of daily readings that I would like to share. "Praying with Celtic Saints, Prophets, Martyrs, and Poets", by June Skinner Sawyers.

"The Celts had a deep reverence for the land and for nature itself. Ritual was an important part of their daily life. More important, thought, was the belief that God resides everywhere, in everyone, and in everything. At heart, they were poets, and it is this poetic spirit, shining through their spirituality that people find so appealing today."

The last couple of weeks for me have been ones of great learning. Not book learning, not the kind of learning that I will ever be tested for, at least not in the traditional sense. But a learning about who I am, who we all are, and what I want to do in my life.

As a young person there was much to be thinking about. Each stage of our lives brings new concerns, new possibilities. We come into the world with the powerful and important lessons of eating, sleeping, and the advanced skill of rolling over. Time goes on and with that comes the many developmental challenges that are appropriate for who we are. I have been struck recently just how much of our lives are spent learning to navigate the world around us, learning who we are in relation to our surroundings, and trying to find our own path.

As we grow and learn we look around our environment, our families and friends for clues and lessons about what this whole life thing is about. Over time we grow and change, we live and learn, we come to know that the work here is really to become our own individual. God created us all in God's image and yet all uniquely different. We are each called to be exactly who we need to be and then live in the world in a way that serves to make this world a better place.

OK, so what do you see? How is that journey going? Where are you on that path?

"There are other qualities as well: a mindfulness, a being present in the moment, a celebration of place, and a sense of unity with all of the earth's creatures. It is an all-encompassing spirituality that, at its fundamental best, is life affirming."

For each of us there comes a time when we must really embrace who we are, who we are becoming and what we want this life to be. As an adult woman, my life looks very differently than my mothers did. There are many wonderful gifts that she left me with, many ways of being that I treasure. But with those gifts and my history, I have a new story. With God's help, what do I want that to look like?

Today I rejoice in the life I have been blessed with. Today I want to see my journey as open to the infinite possibilities known only to God. Today I pray to notice the barriers that I erect, and move past them.

"The Presence of God is an eternal fact. He never leaves us alone or forsakes us. It is when we lose sight of Him that we falter and sink beneath the waves. "   David Adam

Resurrection Story

2010-04-12T11:50:00.000-07:00

"The Miracle Worker" is a play written by William Gibson. It is a play that gives us a glimpse into the life of Helen Keller. Her autobiography is aptly called, "The Story of My Life". Each time I enter into the world of this amazing woman, I am reminded of her passion, courage and strength. God calls us each from different places, at different times and within different contexts. But, the important message here is that God in fact calls us all.

Helen Keller was struck by a profound illness at 19 months old and was left to experience life as blind, deaf and mute. Each time that I enter into the story of her life, I try to imagine the profound darkness that must have been her experience. What must it have been like to not be able to hear, see, or communicate in any way? As we were to discover later in life, she was gifted intellectually and very passionate about the world in which she lived. Imagine the darkness and stark reality of living in a world that I can only imagine as a locked cell. What is the mind like when left alone? The primary source of sensory input that Helen was able to experience was that of touch. She could feel things emotionally, physically and spiritually, but had no way to make meaning of this experience, no way of expressing herself, and no way to learn and interact with the world. It is said that after her illness through the age of 7 she did come to learn some 60 signs so that she could communicate with her family and her young friend Martha Washington, who was the daughter of the family cook. I still have a very difficult time imagining how this was possible with the limitations of blindness and deafness. What I am reminded of each time I spend time learning and reading about Helen Keller is her determination and resilience.

Anne Sullivan was a woman that had been through tremendous difficulty. At age 5 she was taken with Trachoma and this left her blind. She came from an abusive Alcoholic family. Her mother died 2 years after her illness and her father abandon her. She grew up in an orphanage in Tweksbury, Mass. She was able to undergo many surgeries over the years and was able to gain some of her sight back. She was hired to move in with the Keller family to be Helen's teacher. The family was really at the end of their rope. Helen was lucky enough to have been born into a family of privilege and they were able to provide for her resources that others may not have been able to have.

Anne and Helen came from different worlds. Both had suffered hardships, but Helen's family wanted to love her and coddle her. They felt so badly about her disability that that was really all they could see? Isn't it interesting that the word "see" comes to mean so much more in this context? Anne had been brought up by the people in the orphanage and was cared for and supported but not enabled in anyway. As I read about her life, those that brought her up did all they could to prepare her to live in the world. They saw her potential, her possibilities, her gifts. What do we see?

When Anne came into the Keller home she had to set some really clear limits with the family. She knew that if Helen was to learn she needed clear boundaries and expectations. She knew that she needed to be called to be all she could be, that she was not to be pitied or sheltered. Anne knew that she was called to prepare Helen for the world around her. With her limited ability for sight she was able to see and believe in Helen's possibilities.

Initially this was very painful for the family, they had a very hard timne coming to know and understand the difference between enabling and respecting one with expectations, and follow through. Helen's passion often translated in willful fits and major disruption to the family. Anne did not let her get away with it. Anne respected Helen enough to not let her behave in a way that was hurtful, disruptive, and kept the world away.

Water is often used in faith traditions as a sign of new life and rebirth. The primary way that Anne was trying to teach Helen to develop language, to communicate, was to spell words our in her hand. She would place Helen's hand on something and then spell it out in her hand. Time went on, day after day, tantrum after tantrum, nothing, no connections made. Yet, Anne did not give up. She knew there was no where else to go, nothing else to turn to, but she also believed it had to be possible.

One day after a tantrum during a family dinner, Helen runs outside. Anne runs after her. The story unfolds and Helen pumps water out of the well, she feels it running over her hand, she feel the coolness of the liquid running through her fingers. Anne takes her hand and spells, W-A-T-E-R. In a moment that must have felt like pure Grace, Helen raises her head, alive with wonder and knowing. She takes Ann's hand, puts it under the pump, the water flows freely, then she spells W-A-T-E-R in her hand. Anne is able to respond with Y-E-S. At this point Helen runs wildly around the yard with Anne in tow, touching things and having her spell then out in her hand. The chasm as been crossed, the bridge between darkness and isolation and the outside world has been found.

God calls us to cross the bridge from where ever it is in our lives that we feel stuck. God calls us to remember that we are all called to know who we are and what we are passionate about. When I enter into this story again and again, I am reminded that we so often "see" limitations where we don't have to. How is it that you are not really looking at the world around you?

Today, I want to really see. I want to really hear. Today, I give thanks for the gift of communication and the ability to make meaning of the world around me.

Gracious God, Thank you for my health and healing. Thank you for the many gifts that surround me. Thank you for the hardship that I have had. With that hardship I continue to grow and learn, I continue to see you in the midst of this life.

Helen grew and flourished. She became an American author, a political activist, and a lecturer. She was the first deaf, blind person to earn a Bachelor of Arts degree. With Anne at her side and many others along the way, she lived her life communicating to the world her thoughts and experiences. God is so good.

Where do you see stories of resurrection?

Good Friday

2010-04-02T19:10:00.000-07:00

"O God of unchangeable power and eternal light: Look favorably on your whole Church, that wonderful and sacred mystery; by the effectual working of your providence, carry out in tranquility the plan of salvation; let the whole world see and know that things which were cast down are being raised up, and things which had grown old are being made new, and that all things are being brought to their perfection by him through whom all things were made, your Son Jesus Christ our Lord; who lives and reigns with you, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen. "

Book of Common Prayer. pg. 280

Maundy Thursday

2010-04-01T13:48:00.000-07:00

"Jesus calls us to continue his mission of revealing the perfect love of God in this world. He calls us to total self-giving. He does not want us to keep anything for ourselves. Rather, he wants our love to be as full, as radical, and as complete as his own. He wants us to bend ourselves to the ground and touch the places in each other that most need washing. He also wants us to say to each other, "Eat of me and drink of me." By this complete mutual nurturing, he wants us to become one body and one spirit, united by the love of God." Henri Nouwen

I sit here and look out the window. It is an amazingly beautiful day. It truly feels like the day the Lord has made and I hope many of us will get to Rejoice and be very glad. There are many things one can learn from being sick and really having to step out of all the daily responsibilities, roles, or interactions. One of the things that always surprises me is the gratitude and joy I feel for my health. Over the years I have come to believe one of the most important spiritual disciplines we can practice for ourselves and the world is one of gratitude. Each day I give thanks for my health, for the physical body that carries me through this life. But it can be a daily struggle to take care of it the way I believe it deserves. With all that said I do without doubt know that I am blessed with health and a body that serves me very well. Today, I left the house with a bounce in my step. After a week of dragging and 4 days of real illness, today I finally felt like myself. I felt like myself.

"Jesus calls us to continue his mission of revealing the perfect love of God in this world."

Maundy Thursday is the day in the Christian faith that we remember Jesus last meal with his friends or disciples. On this night he knew that he was about to be betrayed. He knew that his time with those around him as well as those he had met and come to love and care for was about to end. The mission of love and labor that God had entrusted to him on earth was about to come to a close. The task ahead of him this night was to give them ways to ritualize this time. But, more importantly, give them ways to remember and come to embody the love that he felt for them. So often we think how impossible it is to express how much we love this person, place or situation. Yet, it is often through the acts of the familiar that we are brought back.

Jesus uses the symbols of bread and wine to guide us. In some traditions the Eucharist or Communion is very much like a memorial meal. By that I mean, there are prayers said and a person may take some grape juice or wine as well as bread. They may do this with the intention of remembering Jesus. For others of us, the Eucharist is a sacrament. We believe that within the context of prayers and worship, we are not only remembering Jesus and his suffering, death and resurrection, but we are actually, taking him in to ourselves in a spiritual way. We are being filled with his grace and love.

On this night Jesus sits a table with his friends. He thinks to himself, how is it that they are going to not only deal with what is about to happen, but how is it that they are going to be able to live this work out in the world? How can I tell them how very much I love them, and how much I know they can and must carry this on? Jesus chose one of those familiar acts of love and fellowship, one of those places in our lives that we can all connect with. Jesus tells us that he will not be with us always, but that in fact he is always with us.

Over the years I have known many very faithful people. People that I have loved and respected, people's whose faith have been a beacon to me in the midst of life's challenges. The people that are flashing through my head are people that would do most anything for anyone and are incredibly generous. Each year at the service of the washing of the feet I have watched many of these same people unable to come forward. The taking off of one's shoes and socks, letting someone else touch and see your feet. I have been told repeatedly that this is just to intimate an act. Much to scary.

Jesus rises from the table and takes off this fancy robes and tied a towel around his waist. He then told his friends and disciples that he was going to wash their feet. This was a role that even slaves were spared of in that time. A person washed their own feet when they entered a home. Jesus entered into another place that each person could identify with. Jesus entered into another one of those common places that remind us of our humanity, of our vulnerability, and our call to serve the other. Jesus also already knew that Judas was to betray him and he knew that Simon Peter would deny him three times. We are all important elements to the greater story.

For me the service of Maundy Thursday and the washing of the feet is the most intimate liturgy of the year. We are called to strip down to the core of who we are. We are called to simplify the message of the Gospel, the message of Jesus, and that of all of scripture. We are called to a new commandment.

Jesus looks to his friends and disciples from bended knee. He is bare chested and covered only with a towel. He is vulnerable and open. I imagine him looking at them with loving eyes, with longing eyes. I can hear him thanking them for the time they have had together, thanking them for the good times, the laughter, and the struggles. But it is so important that this be more. That this be a part of the story that changes them, changes those around them, and continues to change the world.

He looks to them with loving eyes, with strength and grace. Please, love one another, do it just as I have tried to love you. If you act with love and generosity, the world will know that you are my disciples, the world will know that God's grace is alive and working through each of you. They will know this only if you have love for one another.

What is our lesson today? With a bounce in my step today, I am so grateful for the message of love and compassion that has been passed on to me. I am grateful for Jesus example of vulnerability and simplicity. I am grateful for the lesson of love.

How will you be changed? How is the love of Jesus contining to change you? How is Jesus example of love leading you to live in the world?

What does it look like from the foot of the cross?

2010-03-31T14:48:00.000-07:00

Prior to the leading the"Stations of the Cross" service last night I sat, candles lit, music on, and looked around. Hanging above my head was a large cross. It hangs from the beams of our sanctuary. On the cross is the Crucified Christ. The traditional name for this would be a Crucifix. A thin veil made of purple fabric has been placed over it. The candles lit, the music on, and I looked up.

The Stations of the Cross is a service where we are led through a series of readings and prayers. Each is said in conjunction with an image that depicts the artists image of that aspect of the story. There is silence, the sanctuary is dimly lit, and the words and image are the focal point.

In the Episcopal Church we most often see an empty cross. A central tenant to our faith is that we believe that Christ was crucified for us, that he was sacrificed for our sins. We believe that through this sacrifice we are forgiven. In the Nicene Creed that we say each week, we say, "For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate; He suffered death and was buried. On the third day he rose again in accordance with the Scriptures; he ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father."

It has always been really important to me that the suffering was for a reason. That does not mean I believe we need to suffer to grow, although I must admit the times I have grown the most there has been suffering involved. For the me the empty cross means that Christ suffered for me, that I am not called to do that to myself. A wise spiritual director told me earlier this year that he used something in his prayer life that had changed him. He suggested I think about it. "Lord, let me not be an insturment of my own oppression."

What does it look like at the foot of the cross?

"Metanoia is the turning of all mind and hearts to God in preparation for the celebration of the Paschal mystery in which some will for the first time receive the light of Christ, others will be restored to the communion of the faithful, and all will renew their baptismal consecration of their lives to God, in Christ."
Thomas Merton

Holy week is a time to remember. How are we turning our hearts and mind to God? HOw has that grown or changed? What is it like to walk the lonely journey with Jesus?

Sitting at the foot of the cross has meant so many different things to me over the years I don't know how to write about it yet. What I do know is that it has become more and more important. Today I am committed to continuing the discipline of walking this path. Today I feel the craving of wanting language to express what it all means to me. Today I know that Jesus dropping of the cross, picking it up again, and walking along means more to me than just a fable. Why? How would you explain this to the unchurched?

Gracious God, Thank you for the blessing of more questions than answers. Thank you for heath and healing. Thank you for the ability to turn toward you over and over again. Thank you for always being there. Amen

Passion Week

2010-03-30T08:25:00.000-07:00

"The mysteries of the liturgical cycle not only bring new out pourings of the salvific waters of grace: they also enlighten our minds with insights into the ways of God, ever ancient and ever new. They teach us more of Christ, they show us more of the meaning of our life in Him, they make us grow in Him. Indeed, the liturgy is the great school of Christian living and the transforming force which reshapes our souls and our characters in the likeness of Christ."

Thomas Merton,
Seasons of Celebration

Liturgy is one of those things that I knew spoke to me long before I had any language or concepts as to why. I came back to church as a grown woman, seeking a larger community of faith and a specifically christian one.

God has always been a very strong presence in my life. As children I believe that we experience the divine as normal. We know that it is a part of the way we make meaning of the world around us. It is not confined to a specific denomination or set of doctrines, it is a pure source of love and life. The young ask more questions about "Why". They are less apt. to say "no", that's not possible, or" no" that is to scary, or "no", that's just not "right". For many children in the world today they are struggling with abuse, starvation, lack of education and so much more. Yet, there are so many stories of grace filled moments where these very souls are able to rise from the ashes of this horror and teach us the real stories of strength, courage and grace. They tell us the real stories of resurrection.

Liturgy provides us with a framework to reflect on the life of Jesus and the how that intersects with our own. It provides us with a template for a life of faith.

Years ago when I was lost and floundering, I looked to many things outside myself to give me solace and peace. I wanted to feel worthy and have some sense of direction. Regardless of those around me that loved me, I was unable to come to that place of knowing, unable to take a deep breath, until I stopped and turned to God and asked for help. I was unable to hear the words of wise and loving people until I was able to open my heart and ears to God. Holy Week reminds me of that place each year.

Jesus walked a lonely path. He walked a journey that without his relationship with God and his faith in that God, would have been so hollow. This week we are called to walk that lonely journey with Jesus, But we are also called to remember those times in our lives when we felt lost and alone, when we wernn't sure if this really was the right thing. We are called to follow Jesus footsteps to the cross and listen. Listen, what is God wanting so much to tell you?

It is also important to say that there may be those of you our there that are there at this very minute. Know that Jesus is carrying this cross for you too. Know that this journey is done over and over again, so that you too can come to know the power and love of this all knowing God. Know that you are not alone. Walk the journey and listen...

For centuries and over many different traditions storytelling has been a way that people enter into their lives and come to know themselves better. It is often through others that we can best know who we are. Live the life of Jesus this week. Listen to the story as though it was your first time. Listen.. What is God telling you?

Today I give thanks for that young girl and her childlike faith. I give thanks for a God that is every present and all loving. Today I give thanks for the story that continues to change who I am and how I serve. Today I give thanks for the faith that has sustained me even in my darkest hours and even when I could not feel it. I give thanks. Amen

Today

2010-03-25T09:09:00.000-07:00

Then Mary said, "Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word." Then the angel departed from her. Luke 1:38

In the Episcopal Church there are readings for each day, we call it the Daily Office. Today is the Day we think and reflect on the Annunciation. One of the tools I like to use for daily prayer, especially if I find myself very busy in the morning is to look at the reading from a booklet called "Day by Day." Forward Movement is an official, non-profit agency of The Episcopal Church. Since 1935 they have published the quarterly devotional Forward Day by Day, as well as pamphlets, booklets, and books to encourage and nourish people in their lives of prayer and faith. Their mission is to reinvigorate the Episcopal Church day by day. We are lucky enough to have them free for all in the Narthex of our church. The Daughters of the King provide them for us as a form of prayerful support.

"Here am I servant of the Lord, do with me according to your word."

This morning I am reading the reflection on this and wondering what it must have been like for Mary. What must it have been like for a young girl, possibly around the age of 16. We know that the world was a very different place, women were not held in high regard and one's faith could be a dangerous thing. We also know that she and Joseph were engaged, but not married, and surely were not supposed to have been intimate. This whole story is scandalous.

Yet, today we are reminded of a young woman that is visited by the angel Gabriel, he tells her not be afraid. Hello, an angel is visiting you, it is written in a way that we are to believe she saw the angel. In scripture each time an angel appears they ask us to not be afraid. I don't know about you, but I would be afraid from the very beginning of this experience.

Fear is one of those things that is very different for all of us. I do not consider myself a person that is consumed by fear, or even aware of it a lot. But I do know that when I am looking at doing something new, when I am being called out of my comfort zone, I am afraid. We are given this feeling as a way to know to be cautious. As we travel this journey of faith, one of the most important elements of that for me is the growing knowledge of who I am and how I can best serve the world around me. It is always a big mistake to believe I can do or be something that I"m not. I also think I have a better sense of that at the age I am today, as opposed to when I was 16.

God calls each of us in different ways, at different times, and with varied people. We are each visited by angels in our midst. I am grateful that for me at this point they come in the form of a warm and loving parishioner, a colleague that knows me well enough to give me something to think about, a friend that reminds me of what's really important or my children, who never let me forget the core of who I am.

In my minds eye, I see Mary sitting there, hearing the words of Gabriel and taking a deep breath. You will be with child, the child will be the son of God. Your life as you know it has changed. Don't worry, people won't understand, they will think shameful things of you and Joseph, but don't worry. You will travel many miles, it will be a long and treacherous road. When you reach your destination there will be no room for you to stay and you will give birth in a barn. But, please, don't be afraid.

Mary looks up with confidence and grace. She looks up with the naivete of 16 years of life and says, ok! Here I am, I am here to do your will. Help me be the instrument that you most need me to be.

Today I am reminded of how important faith is in my life. What a wonderful and amazing story, and yet, what would I have done? We are each called to be the people God needs us to be. God knows who we are and how we live. As I look back over my life, I can see times and places where I had a strong sense of where and what God was calling me to do , what God's will not mine would be. There are times, when my response was Thanks, but........ The good news is that I can also look over the past and see many times when I could hear and see God's will for me. I was able with God's help, the support of people and the life that was forming around me, to live out God's will, not mine. For me this is a daily prayer, one that I am able to do more effectively on some days than others. But today I am reminded that when I am able to let go and trust God, my life will have the meaning and purpose I crave.

This is the collect for March 25. Let us remember Mary today, Let us give thanks for her life and sacrifice. Let us use her faith as an example of who we can be today.

Pour your grace into our hearts, O Lord, that we who have known the incarnation of your Son Jesus Christ, announced by an angel to the Virgin Mary, may by his cross and passion be brought to the glory of his resurrection; who lives and reigns with you, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.

Frustration

2010-03-24T14:29:00.000-07:00

Wow, I can't tell you how long I have spent trying to get his technology to do what I wanted it to. What happens when you think you have finally figured something out and just when you start to feel confident, a new twist? Well, for me it takes many times to walk away, to take a deep breath and try to let go. The challenge of course it that then I sit down and begin again. By that I mean, I want to be able to move on. I want to be content with not getting my way. After many years of practice, I least know this is what would be a good approach. Yet within minutes, I am back at the computer, back on the web, back trying to upload something to somewhere. It seems so attainable to me in moment, and yet, because it seems to me there must be some small thing that I am missing, I must try one more time.

How do we get in our own way? Today has been one of those days when there have been many details dealt with. Today has been a good and productive day. I have my health, most of my sanity, and am blessed with many great people in my life.

At this point in my day I am here to let you know that I finally was able to let go of the project I was working on. It is at this point in my day that I am reminded of an old friend that used to say that anyone could start their day over again.

In starting my day over again, I picked up the book: Benedict's Way, by Lonni Collins Pratt and Father Daniel Homan, OSB

God often leads me to a book and then somehow in God's wonder I open to the very page I most need to read. Let me share with you what I opened up to.

" Joy isn't something that simply happens to us. Joy is a decision we have to make-or not. You and I are responsible for whether or not we experience joy. Joy isn't going to happen if we pamper ourselves. Instead, we need ot consider what is preventing the joy.

There are a lot of thing that can choke joy, but here are ten to think about:

1. Fear

2. Cynicism

3. Boredom

4.Low self-esteem

5.Taking life too seriously

6.Loss of wonder

7. Greed

8. Guilt

9.Bitterness

10. Busyness"

Gracious God thank for you for all the blessings of this day. Thank you for the love of books, the love of music, and the love of art. Thank you so much for loving me.

Gracious God, Be there for all those known to you alone, that need to feel the loving power of your grace in body, mind and spirit.

Gracious God, thank you that I can feel my frustration slipping out of my body(: It is really all good. Amen

Walking the Labyrinth

2010-03-23T04:31:00.000-07:00

This past October I attended a conference in Mississippi. One afternoon the rain gave way to some sunshine and I discovered that there was a Labyrinth in the field around our conference center.

"We know all too well that few journeys are linear and predictable. Instead they swerve and turn, twist and double back, until we don't know if we're coming or going. The image of the labyrinth is an ancient symbol for the meandering path of the soul that goes from light into darkness and emerges once again into the light. "
Phil Cousineau

Life is a journey for all of us. Some days we are very present to what is happening in the moment. We are very focused on the here and now. Other days we may feel wistful, full of wonder, or wondering. We all have days that can cause us to wonder "why", for as many reasons as there are people. Yet this is the work, this is the journey. God calls us to walk this journey with one foot in the present and the other from a place of depth and inquiry.

The conference that I went to was centered about 4 questions.

Who am I?
Where am I?
Where am I going?
Who is God calling me to be?

It has been said that we are either moving forward in our lives or slipping backwards. I can honestly say that my life in the last twenty some odd years has felt like that. For the first part of my life I was surrounded by fear and frustration. I was not at all sure who I was and what this life thing was about. Some of that was developmental but some of that was being surrounded by people that did not have the tools or interest in attaching meaning to the larger picture. Fear and the need for security were paramount. Love was central to all of our lives and that was the balm that held us all together. Yet, I am struck by the loneliness of life when I had no concept of my life as a larger story.
Without language or concepts that helped me look at God through a lens of meaning making, I felt alone and lost. I felt alone and lost even as I was surrounded by love and care.

As I write this the irony that I have been called to be a person in the world that teaches, leads and guides others to find their story, to explore the love of God in their lives, makes me smile. It is the very manifestation of what I am talking about. We are all part of a larger story. "Imagine your journey as Labyrinthine." When I can step back and see life in a larger context I can see things differently than I do when life is one dimensional. A Labyrinth is made of many different things. The one that is pictured here was built in a field. Wood chips filled in the space and rocks had been collected and formed the pattern. There was a entrance. The circular nature of the pattern is reflective of our lives. It finds its way to a center. Theology varies in different traditions about the meaning of this, for me I always feel like I am in the open hands of God. Each time I have walked a labyrinth, I find myself sitting down in the middle. Each time I walk this journey I find it hard to turn and walk back. Not because I don't love my life, but because of the peace and solace I find in that center place.

As our day unfolds around us, where is God in it? Where is your life meandering?
Who are you?
Where are you?
Where are you going?
Where is God call you today?

"Holy God, be in my mind that I might let go of all that diminishes the movement of Your Spirit within me.
Discerning God, be in my eyes, that I might see you in the midst of all the busyness that fills my life.

Loving God, be in my heart, that I can be open to those I love, to those with whom I share ministry and to the whole human family.

Gracious God, be in that grace-filled silence that lies deep within me, that I might live in Christ as Christ lives in me. Amen.
Credo

What do you hear?

2010-03-19T07:08:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a day when I met with people, had wonderful conversation and had fun. Yesterday was a day when I really tried to listen. I want to share some of the wonderful things I heard.

One person told me that she" hoped too much." I said how can anyone hope too much? The conversation then went off on a path of what hope really is. Is it the kind of thing that if you haven't done something you were supposed to do, you just hope, hope, hope, it all comes out ok? Or is it something that is a result of living a certain period of time and seeing that life unfolds how it will. We can see that there is a larger plan than our own. It became clear that as a young person she was talking about the first kind. We talked about how sometimes we just wish that God would do all the work and we could just show up. We then talked about how awesome it is when we do our part and then we are able to step back and watch the story play out. Can we hope too much? I don't think so, but we are able to reflect on what that means for us.

"I have rushed all day so I could sit still". Is there anyone that is reading this that hasn't felt that way. When this was said there was an audible sigh in the room. We each knew that this was true for each of us. How much time do we spend each day rushing to somewhere, to do something, so that we can________ fill in the blank. God calls us to love our neighbor as our self, God calls us to live in the world and add to it in ways that make it a better place. God does not call us to do that all at once.

These are two of the wonderful gifts that I was given yesterday. They were not given "to" me. They were expressed in conversation, they were shared as an experience that was helpful in conversation. They became gifts to me when I was present to hear them. Sometimes when we are in conversation, do we find ourselves just waiting our turn to talk? Perhaps, you are a person that feels as though while the other person is talking you must prepare a response. There are many other ways that we miss hearing, really hearing what is being said. These two conversations became gifts because I was able to be present and hear.

In addition to hearing and being in conversation, I have been able to spend time in the last couple of hours to reflecting on these words. They have stuck with me. I have been able to think about why they stuck in my mind. The gift is my connection to the world, to God, and to myself. The gift is being open to God's grace in the many different forms it may come in today.

What gets in your way of listening to the world around you today? How would your day be different if you found yourself hearing what was said? What will your gifts be today?

Gracious God, Thank you for the blessing of this beautiful day. Thank you for the sun and the warm breeze. Thank you for the different people in our lives, known and unknown that will gift us with your grace today.

Gracious God, Help me to have open ears, an open heart and willingness to be present to you and others today. Amen

Meandering Toward the Center

2010-03-18T08:15:00.000-07:00

"The practice of soulful travel is to discover the overlapping point between history and everyday life, the way to find the essence of every place, ever day: in the markets, small chapels, out of the way parks, craft shops." Phil Cousieau

When a tree is cut down and the stump is left what do we see? If we look carefully we see a story, a story of the many years that have gone past. We see the beautiful growing and expanding that has happened. We also see the holes and the crevices that show places of distress.

Science tells us that if we count the rings of the stump we will know how old the tree is. The colors change from light to dark and back again. The surface is not level.

What do we find when we travel to the center of who we are? Where do the rings that make up our years lead us? As I get older I realize that it is really only with all the different experiences that I have had that I am able to be the woman I am today. It is only when I look at the whole of the journey to this point that I can see where I really am.

In my minds eye I can see myself sitting on a staircase in the place I lived in college. I can see a very young, scared and lost girl. I can see someone looking outside to anything that might help her find a way, help her find peace, confidence, safety. I look at that young woman with compassion today. She could not have begun to imagine the many miles she was to travel. A life of meaning and purpose felt beyond her reach. When we are merely in survival mode we cannot look at the colors in the trees, we cannot hear the music in the world around us. When we are merely trying to survive we hold our breath, we wait and hope. When we are in those places it is hard to feel God, it is hard to trust that there will be a better day.

When we reflect on how our history informs our lives today, what do we see? I see God weaving it's threads of Grace everywhere. As many of you know I am a knitter. I love the feel of the yarn in my hands. It is fun to play with color and patterns. I love the feel of wearing something that I made. This is yet another place that when I reflect on how our history informs our lives today, I am reminded how blessed I am. My mother was a masterful knitter. I worn the sweaters she knit me from the time I was very small. They were warm and beautiful. She would let me pick out the colors and the patterns. It was fun, it was comforting, it was a feeling of being very loved.

Take time today to look back over your life. Where do you see God weaving grace like threads in a well loved sweater? As you look at the rings in the stump of a tree, what do you think of? Where have you traveled? Where have you really been?

"Inspired by a fifth-century conversation between Zi Zhang ad Confucius about the practices of wise rulers in The Analects, here are five excellent practices for travelers on sacred journeys:

Practice the arts of attention and listening.
Practice renewing yourself every day
Practice meandering toward the center of every day.
Practice the ritual of reading sacred texts.
Practice gratitude and praise-singing. "
Phil Cousineau

Gracious God, Thank you for the journey that we are on today.

Thank you for the grace to look back at the lives that we have lived and see your hand in it.

Thank you for today. Thank you for the sun and the warm earth. Thank you for the learning and blessings that are open to us.

Gracious God help us to be present in this day. Help us to go deep on the journey of faith. Help us to continue to come to know you and see you more profoundly in our lives.

Amen.

Spring

2010-03-16T17:43:00.000-07:00

The sun is out and the spring is at our finger tips.

"Almighty God, give us wisdom to perceive you,
intellect to understand you,
diligence to seek you,
patience to wait for you,
vision to uphold you,
a heart to meditate upon you,
and life to proclaim you."
St. Benedict, circa 540

Today I have very few thoughts of my own, but today I give thanks for God's grace, for the new life of spring, and the sun as it helps us thaw.

God Bless and Sleep well. Amen

Windows and Light

2010-03-15T14:33:00.000-07:00

Through the fog of a head cold I cannot reflect a lot on thoughts that are in my mind. Today I offer up images. These are pictures that I took at The Episcopal Church of St. John the Baptist in Sanbornville, NH. We have the most beautiful stain-glass windows that were recently renovated. The grace and generosity of those in our midst shines through these windows each day. God is with us through our history, our present and our hope and desires for the future.

Where is the light shining through in your day?

Have you allowed yourself to stop and listen today? What could you hear if you did?

What things do you see around you that remind you how how loved you are. You are loved.

Gracious God, Thank you for the blessing of this new day.

Thank you for health and healing.
Thank you for all those in our midst that allow us to learn more about who we are and what you need from us.

Please be there for all those known and unknown that need the healing power of your grace in body, mind and spirit.

May God help each of us this day as we continue to live and grow into the people God most needs us to be.

Surrender

2010-03-11T10:49:00.000-08:00

Surrender is very powerful .

Words are used in so many different ways. Many literally mean different things, have different forms or various tense. As I work on my writing I am reminded how so often the story or content in my head struggles to manifest in the written word. The written word is a place where we are all able to meet.

Words can trigger for me a myriad of thoughts. Today I was talking with a friend online and she was talking about Surrender and Incarnation. Over the years surrender has become a familiar concept for me. One that has become part of my daily life and a consistent part of my daily prayer. Today I am wondering if I have not let my prayers and my concept of surrender be limited. Today I am wondering if I have narrowed the focus of what I have really given to God. I am once again faced with the reality that I am very clear about the parts of my life that God is in charge of. For many years now, with God's help and others I have stayed away from Alcohol and Drugs. The freedom from the daily abuse of body, mind and spirit is a daily reprieve, but one that I am forever grateful for.

God has asked me to take many different forms of action and reaching out to the world around me. Without healthy and loving people in my life, it seems impossible to see and feel the grace of God. I have no question that addiction is beyond my will alone. With God's help the obsession to drink and drug has been lifted. Today I believe that could come back at any time if I do not listen to God's will in my life. I use this as an example of surrender that I "get". It never occurs to me that I am to live a life of recovery by myself, with will power or the idea of working harder.

With God's help I have now been sober twice as long as I drank. I only say that, because there are many days now that I must think I am in charge of my life. I take back my will. Being on the journey of faith and healing is a blessing beyond my wildest imagination. But many days we struggle with the acceptance of God's overwhelming love. Isn't it one thing to surrender at times when the world is overwhelming and feels beyond our capacity to deal? Many times we are driven to our knees when we know that with God's help or guidance we may know a better way.

God calls each of us to a life of love and labor. We are called to "love our neighbor as our self". Each time I read that it reminds me that we are called to be loving to ourselves, we are then called to reach our and be there for the other. It is not selfish or shallow to live into the person God most needs you to be. We are each created in the image of God and yet each uniquely different.

Surrender today means for me that I need to accept the life God calls me to. Surrender today means listening to the still small voice within that is excited about the possibility of getting out of God's way. I am struggling with exercise and wanting so much to be in better physical condition. Not for anyone else, but because I want to feel better. It is clear to me today that I have not asked God for any help with it at all. I have been beating myself up with messages of self reliance and self will. Today I want to invite God into my struggle. Today I want surrender to mean something new.

What areas are you not letting God into? Where in your life do you think that you are supposed to be in control? What stops you form letting go and getting out of God's way?

This morning I went to prayer with an open heart and inquiring mind. How about you?

"Lord, grant me to greet the coming day in peace.
Help me to rely upon your holy will.
In every hour of the day reveal your will to me.
Bless my dealings with all who surround me.
Teach me to treat all that comes to me throughout
the day with peace of soul
and with firm belief that your will governs all.
Guide my words and deeds, my thoughts and feelings.
Teach me to act firmly and wisely, without
embittering or embarrassing others.
Give me strength to bear the fatigue of the coming
day with all that it shall bring.
Direct my will, teach me to pray, pray yourself in me.
Amen
Philaret, Metropolitan of Moscow, 1821-1867

What Miracle do you see today?

2010-03-10T07:33:00.000-08:00

The sun is out and the air fresh and crisp. I can hear the birds singing as spring creeps towards us. In our back yard we have a sculpture of St. Francis of Assisi. Sitting to his right is a wooden birdhouse, in the shape of a church. As I walked around the backyard, my feet squished in the soft ground. Sticks are strewn everywhere as the Squirrels play. The sun shines and the snow is melting. St. Francis and the wooden house are exposed and bathing in the sunlight.

"Francis of Assisi was a poor little man who astounded and inspired the church by taking the gospel literally-not in a narrow fundamentalist sense, but by actually following all that Jesus said and did, without limit and without a mite of self-importance."

In the Catholic church St. Francis of Assisi is the patron saint of animals and the environment. We live in a time when we hear a lot about taking care of the environment. How are we taking care of the planet that we are blessed to live on? How are we taking care of the other creatures that we share this journey with?

Today I want to pay attention to the world around me. Today I want to ask myself what ways I can be a better steward of the resources given to me.

"People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don't even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child-our own tow eyes. All is a miracle. "

Thich Nhat Hanh

What did you see today?

2010-03-08T15:47:00.000-08:00

Sabbath can be thought of as a day of rest and worship. Mondays are a day that I try to keep for that very thing. Many days I do chores or things that I have let go the rest of the week. Those are not the kind of sabbath times that I believe we all need.

Sabbath for me is a day when I allow my body to breathe. Those times in my life when I let my brain rest, or wander. For me this is like being a young child and allowing my self to read whatever I want. Maybe I can daydream or go for a long winding walk. Maybe watch a movie that was rented a month ago. Bliss might be knitting while watching the movie, with a fresh brewed cup of coffee.

What did you see today? What is it like to take sometime during your week, if only an hour, to let your mind wander?

Today I saw the sun.

Today I saw the diamonds dance on the water.

Today I saw where the ice and the water meet.

Today I felt the wind on my face.

Today I felt my feet squish in the mud.

Today I saw that clouds are more than just the color white.

Today it is ok to not know what colors they are.

What did you see today?

"God to enfold me,
God to surround me,
God in my speaking,
God in my thinking.

God in my sleeping,
God in my waking,
God in my watching,
God in my hoping.

God in my life,
God in my lips,
God in my soul,
God in my heart.

God in my sufficing,
God in my slumber,
God in mine ever-living soul,
God in mine eternity."

Ancient celtic oral traditions - carmina gadelica

A Crack in the Ice

2010-03-06T08:06:00.000-08:00

"Order my disordered heart. Let me see in whoever is enemy and stranger to me the other half of myself that I refuse to embrace. Loving Spirit, perfect the image of your love in me every day. Create an inclusive heart within me. Let my heart become peaceful. May I bring peace wherever I go and to whomever I encounter."

The Merton Institute for Contemplative Living

As I stand on the edge of the lake, I hear the ice cracking, the sun beating down on all that is around me. I find myself paying attention to the difference between the ice and the water. The frozen and the flowing freely. Looking down I see a crack in the ice before me. A crack in the ice.

During Lent we are taught to examine our lives through the practice of prayer, fasting and works of charity. We are taught to reflect on that experience through the life of Christ. What does that mean to us?

Over the years since I have come into the Episcopal church Lent has become more and more important to me. It really is a time to look at myself and where I am in relationship to God, to others in my life, and the world around me. Historically, this time of year has been one of great change and sometimes turmoil. I used to say that I didn't do lent, that lent did me. In recent years this time of reflection and growth has been more subtle and yet equally important.

In the book, "Lent and Easter, Wisdom from Thomas Merton, this jumped out at me today.

"The true Ascetic is not one who never relaxes, but one who relaxes at the right time and in the right measure, who orders his whole life, under the direct guidance of the Holy Spirit, so that he works when God wants him to work, rests when God wants him to rest and prays constantly through it all by a simple and loving gaze that keeps his heart and mind united with the indwelling Spirit."

The water reflected the sun and was able to move around the rocks, push the leaves here and there. The ice is growing thinner, the ice is fixed, solid, yet as it thaws it begins to crack. Sometimes ice is cracked by warmth, sometimes it is cracked by force. That is true for us to.

There are times on the journey of faith that God can feel very forceful. Sometimes it is hard to see God in it at all, or if we do, why ? We can find God in prayer, we can slow down and listen. With loss comes grief and anger. But with that loss comes room for grace and new life. Where in your life do you feel the ice cracking?

God also helps us crack those ice covered place in our hearts with warmth. Sometimes that warmth can come from within, sometimes people are put in our lives to challenge us, to love us. Sometimes this warmth comes in forms we didn't expect. But with prayer and attention, know that God's love and grace will help you heal those places that feel so lonely and broken.

Gracious God, Today I give thanks for the Sun and it's warmth in my life. Today I give thanks for the present moment. Today I give thanks that I could hear the cracking.

Tangled branches

2010-03-04T06:18:00.000-08:00

As I was sitting in my car waiting for someone, I was looking around. Glancing to my right I saw this birdhouse and then was immediately drawn to the tangled branches that held it up. Looking closely, it was more interesting. No green, no life, chaos and confusion, dark and drab. The house perched on the top, worn and weary, the paint fading and peeling. One strong post in the center, one strong post that the house sits on and all else grows around.

One important element of the faithful life is knowing the difference between reality and fantasy. As my life has gone along and different milestones have come and gone, I can see that life does not always look like I had planned. There are so many things that I thought were a given. What a nuclear family looked like, what being a wife and partner meant, what the work of a mother was. Embedded in all these beliefs was the thought that if I worked hard enough, if I did it all "right", the story would turn out the way it was in my mind. Oh the tangled branches of our lives.

Life really is a journey, a million different roads, little paths that just can't be over looked. Life is not simple, it is not designed to be simple. It is so easy today at almost 50 to see what feels like the obvious truth. But as we embark on our different paths, doesn't it seem like the goal is obvious, the truth clear?

Grace is most often found for me in those places where the branches cross. In those places where my plan may be coming to fruition or not. God calls each of us to different places and in different ways. We are each created to live into the fullness of our being. At times in our lives that focus is on ourselves. We are focused on who we are, how that will be lived out, what am I doing? At other times, for me it has come with age, we look at the world around us, the places in our lives that we have most effected others and wonder......

What could I have done differently? Why didn't I see that? What can I do now to help? What is my responsibility?

God calls us to a whole story, a journey. We are not called to a snapshot of life, a moment in time. We are each here to live a life of collective experiences . I believe that our lives are a result of the all of these together. We grow up within a certain context, a culture. We live within our race, our gender, our community, our faith. We live in the East, the West, we live . There are a million different things that inform our view of the world.

Gracious God, I give thanks today for all the blessings of this life. For the awareness of the world around me and all those I love .

Gracious God, Help me to know how you can best use me today. Help me to remember that those in my life also have a path that is designed for them. Help me to remember that I am not in charge of their path. Help me to remember that I am one element, one part of the journey.

Gracious God, Help me to remember today that you are that strong and consistent center, that place within that holds us together, that place that we can trust.

Gracious God, Thank you for the journey today and all the blessings that it holds. Amen

2010-03-02T12:41:00.000-08:00

“In a controversy, the instant we feel anger, we have already ceased striving for truth and have begun striving for ourselves” Abraham J. Heschel

Anger is one of those emotions that I think so many of us believe has no place in the spiritual life. It is also one of those things that we all have a different experience of. Some of us grew up in families where anger was scary and dangerous, for some anger was never allowed, or at least was never shown directly. We know that anger is a part of life and the experience of being human. So that tells us, it was experienced. The key is how is it lived out, how is it shown or used.

It is also interesting how we attach labels to feelings. We decide that anger is a "bad" feeling, joy or happiness is a "good" feeling. So good in fact that we spend much of our life striving to be there, or to get back to that feeling that was "good". Yet, I have found over the years that God created us as we are. We are each living, moving, feeling beings. We are each going to have a wide range of emotions, each of us for different reasons and in different ways.

I am not sure there is something that joins us together more than our experience of the world. One of the primary ways that we do that is through our feelings. Psychology tells us that some of us are dominant feelers, while others are dominant thinkers. The way I interpret this on a very simplistic level is that dominant feelers take in the experience of the world first through their feelings. Language and thinking follow. Dominant thinkers would be just the opposite. That person interprets the world from a very linear, concrete place. This information is taken in and feelings follow. There are many different ways to look at this. Today I am thinking of it this way.

What I do believe is that God created us all differently and yet the same. Wonderful and unique, and yet all very human. We have each grown up in a different way, in different places, and with different experiences. That path has and continues to form us also. Anger has always been a defense for me. A place I could go for protection and courage. At least I thought it was protection and the courage was just an illusion. Many times my anger was the very thing that turned on me, the very thing I thought I was using for protection became the thing that either hurt others and almost always myself.

Over the years I have come to know the difference between anger and rage. For me, anger is about current things, about something in my life that has my attention. My reaction to it is one of passion, angst, frustration. The feeling of anger can motivate me, give me healthy energy to move past where I am, help me to advocate for myself or others, or to change a situation that isn't working. Anger at this point can be a constructive use of energy.

Rage is where we can become destructive. Rage is a place that reminds me of a time in my past that I was wounded or have not let go. Rage is old and can be a place that if not tended to, can keep me very stuck. It is also a place where we can feel very justified and righteous. Rage is old, anger is in the present.

All these thoughts about anger come because I have spent the last two day stewing and worrying. Writing this blog causes me to sit down, pray and ask God what I really want to talk about. I am learning that when I am angry or feel powerless, I want to retreat, I want to listen to others and help others. On the one hand this is growth. I have learned over the years that feelings are just that, feelings, they don't need to be actions. We don't need to react, we get to pay attention. There were times in my life that my rage scared me and others. I was hurtful with my words and actions. With God's help today I have traveled many miles and have acquired many tools for the journey. Today I do not want to hurt myself or anyone else with my anger.

Anger is a part of our spiritual life. Anger is one of those God given feelings we have. Anger is an important part of being a living, loving, faithful person. It is what we do with it that allows us to change.

Micah 6:8 "God required them to be faithful, to do justice, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with their God."

Sometimes we are called to act and speak in ways that are uncomfortable. Sometimes we are called to advocate for ourselves or those we care about in ways that feel foreign and scary. If we are passionate, loving and faithful people, God will call us to these places. God needs us in these places.

Today I know that my anger and frustration are a gift, it is given to me as a form of energy to do the work God calls me to do. It is my responsibility to use it with compassion and grace. It is my work to discern how God can use me most effectively. When I am in prayer, asking for help from healthy people and breathing. I do not need to be afraid of my anger, I need to invite it in and listen to it. God will guide me. God will guide you to.

"Anyone can become angry- that is easy, but to be angry with the right person at the right time, and for the right purpose and in the right way- that is not within everyone's power and that is not easy."
Aristotle

Where are those places in your life when Anger has gotten in your way? Can you see Anger and Rage as being two separate things?

Gracious God, thank you for all the ways that we experience the world. Thank you that we are all unique and yet the same.

Gracious God, Be with us today as we travel this journey. Help us with our frustration with the world around us. Help us to remember that you are with us and with those we love.

Gracious God, Thank for for the passionate anger that can change the world when lived into the way you need us to. Amen.

Lent 2

2010-02-28T18:32:00.000-08:00

Holy God, be in my mind
that I might let go of all
that diminishes the
movement of Your Spirit
within me.

Discerning God, be in my
eyes, that I might see You
in the midst of all the
busyness that fills my life.

Loving God, be in my
heart, that I can be open
to those I love, to those
with whom I share
ministry and to the whole
human family.

Gracious God, be in that
grace-filled silence that lies
deep within me, that I
might live in Christ
as Christ live in me.
Amen
CREDO

What is your journey?

2010-02-27T15:06:00.000-08:00

"True Pilgrimage changes lives, whether we go halfway around the world or out to our own backyards. Whether you are embarking on a grueling walking pilgrimage a thousand miles across Europe to a famous shrine, setting off on the long delayed journey to your ancestral roots, or taking that first step on the long spiritual journey into a creative project, your journey is about to change you." Martin Palmer

Imagaine the last time you truly listened.

2010-02-27T14:48:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I had the chance to visit with one of my dearest friends. I am not sure there is anything more important in our lives than people who truly know us, people who have seen us as we grow and change. These same people could tell you of your flaws, those places that we each know about ourselves, but only a select few, know us well enough to have seem them too.

As we travel the path of life we look around and see signposts. We see places that remind us that we have traveled this road. Those very places also remind us where we have been. It is at times like yesterday, when I look in the eyes of this loved one that I am reminded how deeply God loves me and how very patient and kind God is. It is also at these times that I am reminded that it is only through the lives of others that we are allowed to grow and change.

During this visit the ocean was one of the places that I needed to spend time. The weather has been challenging and devastating to many in recent months. The ocean is a place that when I spend time there, each season or event, I am reminded yet again, of the power and grace in nature. The waves were huge, the spray was high. I was able to close my eyes, I could listen, I could hear the pull and push of the vast amounts of water as it moved in and out.

How often do we allow ourselves to experience something with our different senses? After not being near the ocean for awhile, I had forgotten the wonderful smell of ocean air. The brisk wind, and spray that surrounded us. It was a feast for the eyes, the ears, and the nose. The salt air was palpable.

Who are the people in your life that know you? Where are the eyes that look back at you with love and tenderness? Where do you look with that in return? For some these are very hard questions. But let yourself really spend time, let yourself be with the love and care of God.
Where are places in your life that you visit and remind you of where you've been, remind you of places in your heart and soul that bring you comfort, solace or peace?

Today I am blessed to have spent time yesterday with someone who knows me, really "sees" me. Today I am grateful that God allows me to know that.

Today I give thanks for the signposts in my life. For those that are comfortable, and those that aren't. Today I give thanks to the people that have traveled this path with me, for those that have carried me when I needed, and those that have allowed me to carry them. Today I give thanks.

Travel memories

2010-02-25T07:03:00.000-08:00

" Our lives are woven from a melody of calls that draw us out and help us to define ourselves."
David Spangler

What is it like to not know what direction to take? We each wander in this world, we wander and wonder. Are there times in your life when you are simply unsure what direction to take?

Have you ever been in a car with friends and everyone knew it was time to eat, everyone was hungry and wanted to stop. The driver asks where everyone wants to eat, where should they stop. A chorus of "I don't care", rises up from the car. Each time all are asked the same response is heard. Each time all are asked the conviction that they don't care gets louder, but the response is the same. The hunger has increased, the need has increased, but the clarity of where and what has not come. All at once the driver in sheer frustration and hunger pulls into the nearest restaurant. The decision has been made. Is it the best decision? Who is to say. What we do know is that the decision has been made. The decision has been made this time.

Are you the person that is sitting in a seat saying, I don't care, while being hungry and getting more and more frustrated. We have all been in this spot. When we think of words like Pilgrimage, journey, lent, discipline, each require the "right" action. Each require a very important decision. I would like to offer up the idea that each require a decision. But perhaps the most important action after that decision is saying, "yes". Is there a "right" answer to which restaurant? Will this be the last place that you will eat? Will there be things about this place that you really enjoy? There will be things about this place that you do not like,that don't meet your needs or expectations. But will the experience be different if we enter into it with an open mind, with the belief that we are grateful for the opportunity to be with friends, that we have the money to buy food, that we can be fed. Whether it is a commercial opperation with Golden Arches or a local eatery, does it remind us of a story, a place we may have visited before. I guess in reflection the point is that sometimes we don't make decisions, sometimes they are made for us, sometimes our work is to pay attention to the places we find ourselves. Sometimes the perfect place is right where we are.

What is it like to be the driver? Your insides are screaming for a decision to be made. You really want everyone to be happy, you feel responsible for the well- being and prehaps even the happiness of those around you. Making a decision can feel like a huge responsibility. What will happen if we make the "wrong" one? Where is the perfect restaurant that everyone will like? There are times when waiting and seeing is just the right thing. But there are times when we feel really called to make a choice, to lean in one direction or another. This is a strong and important part of who we are. Knowing who you are and what is important is central to being the instruments that God needs us to be. Caring about the well being and happiness of those around us is compassion and allows us to feel part of the larger family.

God calls us to be in different roles at different times. As we continue on this journey how can we discern where God is calling us today? Are you feeling hungry, lost and confused? If you are, know that your are not alone, you are one of many that sit, look, and wonder. Where should I go, what should I do, what do I want? Spend time with God today, allow yourself to be quiet and curious. Allow your brain and heart the permission to just take an action. Pay attention and be mindful of where you are.

If God is calling you to be in the drivers seat, where are you longing to go? What do you feel the pull of? What is holding you back from moving forward, of making a decision? Are you worried some won't like your decision, are you worried it won't be right for some? Spend time with God today. Allow those questions to surface, allow them to surface without judgment.

As we continue our travels, let us always be mindful of the grace and peace that comes from the all loving, all powerful God. Let us give thanks for this day, for the chance to slow down and be with God, with ourselves, and those in the world around us. Let us pay attention today to God's grace in our lives.

God speed in your travels today.

Sleep well

2010-02-23T19:28:00.000-08:00

"Dear Lord, show me your gentleness and your kindness,
you who are weak and humble of heart.
So often I say to myself, "The Lord loves me,"
but very often this truth does not enter
into the center of my heart.
Let these weeks become an opportunity for me
to let go of all my resistances to your love
and an occasion for me to call me closer to you. Amen" Henri Nowen

As today comes to a close I am weary and yet quiet. Tonight at a group gathered we talked about being attentive. I am grateful to hear the stories of others , to hear how God speaks to each of us.

Gracious God, Thank you for the gift of this day. Thank you for the blessing of health and healing. Thank you for those I love and those that return that love. Thank you for food, clothing and shelter.

Gracious God, Take care of all those that need your healing power in body, mind and spirit. Please be with children around the world that are hungry, cold and alone. Please help those that feel hopeless, to feel hope. Please help those who feel rage, feel peace and forgiveness.

Gracious God, Help me to continue to grow into the instrument you need me to be. Amen.

I am exhausted in body, mind and spirit. Sleep well all.

Clutter

2010-02-23T07:01:00.000-08:00

"Three Rules of Work: Out of clutter find simplicity; from discord find harmony; in the middle of difficulty lies opportunity."

Albert Einstein

Clutter may truly be the polite way to describe the state of my home. In the context of keeping this lent a journey, I think I will look at the beginning of this week as one of pushing through the heavy brush. It is sometimes hard to believe that even land that has only been left untended for a short time can become unruly. Brush can become thick and overgrown. When this happens so often beautiful places become unable to get to, or perhaps we give up before we even begin?

Yesterday was the first day that I did not post since I began this Lenten discipline of writing. So many things run through my head. Do I pretend that it is yesterday? Do I say I wrote it last night and just post this morning? Do I ignore yesterday and just right for today? As I write these questions I find how important it is to acknowledge that it is this morning that I can really reflect on my learning of yesterday. Is the discipline about doing it perfectly, or is it about spending time with God and reflecting on my faith journey? For years I would tell you that it was not about doing it perfectly and yet still expect myself to do something perfectly. Of course, the outcome of this belief was that I allowed myself to do very little, because I didn't want to show my humanity. Humanity, not shame, not sin, not "badness", humanity.

God's grace is that I sit here today so grateful for the knowledge of our humanity, of my humanity. Some say that your living space can reflect how you are living your life, or at least it can say a lot about you. The clutter has been building around us, the piles of "stuff" continues to grow. Some of the piles are treasured items, books, yarn, magazines, clothes, books, books, yarn. Some was an outcome of chores not finished, trash, laundry, those everyday tasks that have no higher calling or deeper purpose than to live in the world in a healthier way. I am guilty of thinking that when the laundry or trash is done, that it is in fact, done. Years, yes, years or repeating this behavior, I am finally coming to terms with the reality that these tasks must be done, over and over.

For this moment many of these tasks are in progress. What has been really important for me to pay attention to is how I trap myself. It is hard to feel like one can see outside the box, for one to be creative, or even alive if we trap ourselves with so many barriers. The physical barriers reflect the internal blocks that can keep us from being present with God, with the divine, with the very spirit that longs to spend time in our hearts. There is so little room. How is it on this journey we can make room for those elements of our selves that crave the breath of the spirit?

Today I give thanks for the action of cleaning out my closet, my real closet, clothes I have had for more years than I can name. Today, I give thanks for boxes of things that can go to those that need them. They do not need to sit in my home waiting for the day to come when they could be used. Today I give thanks for the growing belief that there is enough, that God will provide for me and for those I love. Today, I celebrate the continued balance between living with the simplicity of what I need and the belief that it is important to live a life of abundance. Today I give thanks as I come to know that that comes to us by letting go, letting go of things, letting go of outcomes, letting go of perfection.

This journey of Lent helps me to stop, listen and pay attention.

" Deep silence leads us to suspect that , in the first place, prayer is acceptance. People who pray stand with their hands open to the world. They know that God will show himself in the nature that surrounds them, in the people they meet, in the situations they run into. They trust that the world holds God's secret within it, and they expect that secret to be show to them. Prayer creates that openness where God can give himself to us. Indeed, God wants to give himself; he wants to surrender himself to the person he has created; God even begs to be admitted into the human heart." Henri J.M. Nouwen

Good Morning God

2010-02-21T17:05:00.000-08:00

Each Sunday morning, before I go into my office, I unlock the door to the Sacristy. The preparations for worship sit on the counter. The silver sparkles and the rich purple vestments hang waiting. The door is opened to the sanctuary and I slowly turn on the lights. It is one of the favorite parts of my day. The Church is beautiful and I am very aware of the peace and beauty, the blessing of being able to say, "Good Morning God", in this beautiful place. .

Sundays

2010-02-21T17:04:00.000-08:00

This day is coming to an end, the winding down is in full progress. Sundays are a day that begin very early. It seems as though it has been many miles since that alarm clock went off at 4;15am. It has been a very good day.

My mind is weary. It occurs to me that I preached two sermons today and taught a class. I think that my thinker is done. This is a day that I am very grateful for the community of faith that is St. John's. I am grateful that my "thinker" worked really well. It seems time to say Good Night.

Gracious God, Thank you for the cold snow that is a stark white, a clean contrast to the dark hues of leaves and mud.

Thank you for the blessing of the sun as it shines through the branches, and dance off both the ice and the open water.

Gracious God, Thank you for all the blessings in this life.

Please Help me to grow in the light of you today. Help me to live into the instrument that you need me to be.

Gracious God, Let us feel the healing power of your grace in body, mind ad spirit. Amen

Sleep well. All

Breathing

2010-02-20T14:59:00.001-08:00

Have you ever woken up in the morning and felt like your mind had been up hours before you? It is the strangest thing. This morning, I knew when I opened my eyes that there was a lot running around in my heart that I wasn't sure what to do with. I learned years ago that very often my body comes to know and understand things before my mind has language for it.

One of the things that I have noticed in the last couple of days, is the difference between being and acting. I am coming to see how often I believe that it is my "Job" to do something. So often the case is that my job is to look around me, breath, and get quiet, listen. It is in those moments that God has a chance to enter into the picture. Sometimes my role is to be in the moment, pay attention to the context, the story of that time and if appropriate name or interpret it.

I was reading today in, The Art of Pilgrimage, a story about Ansel Adams. He was a wonderful photographer, and in my opinion, artist. The story tells of his struggle with trying to decide whether to follow his passion for the piano or photography. He believed that his camera was a combination of machine and spirit. His mother very much wanted him to follow the piano, she felt strongly that the camera could not express the human soul. He is said to have responded to her, "Perhaps the camera cannot, but the photographer can." It seems like such a loss to get mired down in the details of life to the point that we miss the mystery. God calls us to be in the world, to be instruments of love, joy and forgiveness. But how often do we walk right by the very thing that would make us smile, make our heart jump, or bring a tear to our eyes?

One of the many things that I have learned about myself in the last couple of years is truth about my being very protective of those I care about. I am a mother -lion when I feel like someone or something needs my help. There are times when this is a good quality, times when I am able to advocate for those that struggle to stand up for themselves. But today I was reminded that just because I feel like someone or something needs my protection, does not mean that is true. There are so many ways to learn to trust God. So many ways that we learn to let go and be there in ways that are helpful ,but then, and equally important is to then step back and listen. Ansel Adams mother wanted the best for him, she wanted his soul to be fed, she wanted him to feel fed by his work and be able to give it to the world. But she felt like her soul was fed by the music that came from the piano, she heard grace in the notes. I am very grateful today that he followed his own heart, his own calling. Follow this link and enjoy what his soul saw as it used his camera. Thanks be to God he listened to his own longing.

http://www.anseladams.com/content/ansel_info/anseladams_biography2.html

As today comes to a close, I am reminded of God's wisdom in creating us all uniquely in God's image. We are each asked to write the story of our own lives, to listen to the music in our own souls. God calls us out of the boredom and stress of doing what others think we should do or what others think is right. We are called to listen, to be there or others, to love God with our whole heart, our whole mind and our whole soul. When we follow that path, we will be changed, we will know how to take a deep breath, we will know where our longings are leading us.

Walking the Frozen Road

2010-02-19T12:54:00.000-08:00

Beauty in our midst.

"Your ancient ruins shall lbe rebuilt,
you shall raise up the foundations of many generations;
You shall be called repairer of the breach;
the restorer of streets to live in." Isaiah 58: 11-12

Walking the Ice covered Path.

2010-02-19T10:47:00.000-08:00

" Above all, do not lose your desire to walk: Everyday I walk myself into a state of well-being and walk away from illness. I have walked myself into my best thoughts."

Soren Kierkegard

Technology is always an interesting adventure. I just managed to delete an almost completed post. Apparently it was not what I was supposed to say, but that's not how it felt. But I will say that I am grateful that I even know where to begin . Today I know that the journey is one that calls for perseverance and time.

Today the sun is out and the air is crisp. It is a beautiful New Hampshire day in February. 2 of the last 3 days I have taken my camera and used it to help me slow down, to help me really see the world that is around me. Today I wanted to take a walk. In recent months, I would not have done this for a multitude of reasons. I did not have time, I was going to be uncomfortable, I was not going to go far enough, it would then not be worth it, I should really go "work out". Each time the excuse is couched in not being enough, not being worthwhile, not important.

So today I was walked. Today it was important. This path is in Wolfeboro, NH. I found myself asking the question over and over in my head, What is it like to walk the frozen road? The path is frozen with many different footprints, many sizes, shapes and creatures. The path is not smooth or easy to navigate. I am glad that I have a warm coat, gloves and hat. The right shoes were boots that kept my feet warm and dry. The camera was tucked safely in my pocket, only to be pulled out as I wanted to capture images to something more than my minds eye.

Images speak to us in ways that words don't. It is becoming clear to me that I am drawn to images. They bring me into the moment, they speak to a part of who I am that doesn't always have language. So often I tell myself that I need to know the answer. At times when I prepare to teach or preach, I must think. Perhaps if I think hard enough, read enough, study enough, I will know what to say, I will know....... Yet, today I am wondering if that often gets in our way. If what God calls us to do is to watch, to listen, to stay awake.

As I wandered down the path I saw trees down, rocks hugging the edge of the lake, mud that was peeking up through some of the ice. As I wandered, I watched, I listened to the quiet, I was awake. When I approached the bridge I heard rustling, down to my right were many ducks. They were playing in the water. Playing in the water. Before I knew it I was smiling, I wanted pictures of their joy, I wanted to remember.

We walk this ice covered path, one step at a time. We walk this ice covered path prepared for the journey. We walk this ice covered path awake, aware and alert. But best of all, we are blessed beyond our wildest imaginings to be in this moment, in this time, to know God.

What does your frozen path look like? God knows of those broken and frozen places within each of us. On this day, sit in a warm, safe place. Give thanks for the many footprints in your life.

Good Night Sleep

2010-02-18T17:47:00.000-08:00

The wind is blowing outside tonight. Snow is blowing off the lake and all are settling in for a good nights sleep.

I want to write each day during this Lent. Today has been a long and full day. During a meditation today I drew this picture of the cross that was hanging in my view.

It has been said that 90% of life is showing up. Tonight, I sit here with a empty and tired mind. But I am grateful for the desire to continue this discipline. I look forward to being able to share more tomorrow.

Gracious God, Thank you for the many blessings of this day.
Thank you for my longings.

Thank you for the gifts of compassion and curiosity.

Gracious God, Please be with all those that are known to your heart alone. Amen

Sleep well All.

Pilgrimage as a theme for our Lenten Journey

2010-02-17T10:42:00.000-08:00

Welcome to this winding road. It is with an open heart that I welcome you to this place. I look forward to exploring some of the many thoughts and interests that I have and wonder about yours. Please join me in the conversation about the longing for God in our midst. Please know that I believe that God comes to us in laughter, tears, anger, and sorrow. God knows infinitely more about us than we can ever know about ourselves. Please join me and let us share our journey together.

Writing is one of the things I love and yet must admit have a very strong love/ hate relationship with. I resist it and yet long for it's place in my life.
Without doubt it is one of the things that allows me to play with ideas and images. Anne Lamott is one of my favorite writers.

"Writing and reading decrease our sense of isolation. They deepen and widen and expand our sense of life: they feed the soul. When writers make us shake our heads with the exactness of their prose and their truths, and even make us laugh about ourselves or life, our buoyancy is restored. We are given a shot at dancing with, or at least clapping along with, the absurdity of life, instead of being squashed by it over and over again. It's like singing on a boat during a terrible storm at sea. You can't stop the raging storm, but singing can change the hearts and spirits of the people who are together on that ship." — Anne Lamott (Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life)

On this Ash Wednesday 2010 I begin this journey of writing a Blog. I have been mulling this idea over in my head for months. This lent I am using the word Pilgrimage as a theme. When I think of Pilgrimage I think of travel to far away places, travel to important places, for important people. The definition of Pilgrimage is to visit a sacred place. It has occurred to me in the last couple of weeks that perhaps it is unfair to leave this work to only some. What would it be like to see our lives as sacred places? What would it be like to treat the next 40 days as an important time for us to journey with God, to be really present and intentional in our life?

"The Art of Pilgrimage" by Phil Cousineau is a book that I have been drinking in. "What is sacred is what is worthy of our reverence, what evokes awe and wonder in the human heart, and what when contemplated transforms us utterly." We are each longing for wholeness, for something more, something most of us are unable to even articulate. It is this longing that we so often misunderstand. Are we really lonely? What are we lonely from? Are we hungry? What do we really need to feel full? What are your questions? Perhaps you are bored with your life, what do you find interesting? "Uncover what you long for and you will discover who you are."

The picture that I posted at the top of the page is one that I just took in the church that I serve as an Episcopal Priest. We are The Episcopal Church of St. John the Baptist, in Sanbornville, NH. We have many beautiful stain glass windows. My goal was to see things in them that I had not seen before. What do you see? This window is of St. Elizabeth. When I look at this I am drawn to her eyes. I see wisdom and worry. It seems she has traveled many miles to this place. She is pale, yet strong. The window is vibrant and yet has elements of darkness. The shot at the top of the page is the hem of her dress. The colors are deep and beautiful. What do you see?

I invite each of you to go to a place in your life and look at it from a different perspective. Do you see something that you had never seen before? Maybe you will see something that you see all the time and yet today, with God's help, with a new awareness, and a curiosity that comes from that longing, it will be made new. Let us make this pilgrimage together. Each of us have our own story, we are called to grow into the people that God most needs us to be. Created uniquely in the image of God. Let today be a day when we know that we are traveling to an important place and that we are important people.

May God Bless us as we enter into this Lenten season.